Life Of Pain But Still Smiling

RESSE, born and raised in Charlotte, North Carolina. My date of birth is September 28, 1982. I started writing about my life at the age thirty, on February 25, 2013. I wanted to share with the world everything I’ve been through and why I’m still able to smile.

This is my life story that I want to share with other women. My life was not as it seems because it had some unpleasant moments, and those unexpected experiences are individualized. Nobody prepares you for the incredible adventures of life, but you learn along the way. Pain is that internal suffering that only you can experience. Only you can rate its severity, which can put you in that position of smiling with a pleased, kind, or amused facial expression to cover the pain. We all have life experiences, whether from loved ones or acquaintances, that have left us messy and broken. A smile within the pain is a life that has been filled with pain and sorrow that kept me hostage, crippled for years. It is a life that forces me to grow and develop. I am this girl who was beaten on every side, broken beyond repair, and raped of her innocence; and all I would do was to smile in my pain as a cover-up. She had dreams growing up, but this world of uncertainty came and redirected her path. She's that teenager who gave birth twice with a future that was clouded with fear, hopelessness, insecurity, and doubts. She is that girl wandering in the wilderness for years because it was so dark, but then God came and rescued her. When she thought all hope was gone, the God of resurrection came knocking at the door of her heart, and she opened it with no hesitation. I can hear a knock from Jesus on the door of your heart. Please open it so he can repair it. Just say this with me, "Even though I have been raped on every side, I will not allow fear, insecurity, and doubts to rape my future or my divine destiny away." He turned her disgrace into grace, her pain into joy, and her sorrow into dancing. I want you to know that if God can clothe my nakedness and bring me back on track, he can also do it for you. There is no brokenness or mess that God cannot fix. Regardless of how messy or broken you are, give God a chance, and everything will be right again. Be courageous, stand firm, and see the salvation of the Lord in your life.

Karla was a misguided youth who witnessed everything that she was supposed to be protected from. Growing up without a father in her life and a mother who didn't know how to show her love forced her to go out into the world unprepared for the realities of it. She became a mother at the age of eighteen by a man who was six years older with children. Although she never felt love at home, she still opened herself up to the possibilities of being loved and loving someone in return. That search led her to a young man whom she eventually spent eight years of her life with and shared two more children together. During their time together she suffered from mental, physical, and emotional abuse, causing her to finally get up enough courage to leave him. Single again, Karla started doing things that she never had the opportunity to do while with such a controlling man. She started to drink and go out more, which eventually caused her to make decisions that affected and disrupted her household. She met a few men and settled down with one that caught her eye. While trying to pick up the pieces of her life, she started doing a little better and was looking forward to her future without the hurt and pain that she suffered through for years. Trying to better her relationship with her siblings, she invited them to her apartment so that they could spend time together, but nothing would prepare herself for what lay ahead. One night with her family had turned her whole world upside down and left her fighting for her freedom. With everything that she had already gone through, nobody would have ever expected for her to end up in jail, not even her. Leaving behind her children, Karla had to adjust to her new life behind bars. There was no turning back now, she had to fight harder than she had ever fought before. During that fight, she was sexually assaulted by a male deputy that worked at the courthouse. Leaving her with distrust for the same people put in place to protect her, she started to give up and accept things as they were, but God didn't want that for her, so He gave her the vision and sign that she had been waiting for. After being away for almost two years, Karla was released back out into the same cold, cruel world that she was abruptly taken from and had to start rebuilding what was torn down. She also needed to repair the broken relationship with her children, but none of that would come easy for her. Battling depression, being homeless, and running into people that had taken advantage of her instead of helping only made her stronger, and after two years of parole Karla packed the few things she had along with her children and headed for a new life in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, leaving behind everything that was meant to break her and starting a new life for herself and children.

The purpose of this book is to relate lessons we can all learn through our experiences in suffering and through blessings we are given in Gods school of character molding. It is important to realize that life and living on this earth are only a training ground for God to mold us for our eternal home in heaven. Please remember to keep in mind as you read of my experiences in life that I give God all glory and praise for His patience and love. My mistakes and heartaches recorded here are to remind the reader that we all have a story to tell. It is wise to reflect back on memories and to give thanks for answered prayers and Gods grace for our present, past, and future.

V. 12 contains: The Archer...Christmas, 1877.