Retirement Jokes

'I see you've just turned 64. When are you thinking of retiring?' 'Constantly!' Most retirement jokes are just about old age, but this little book is packed with quips and quotes about retirement itself, making it suitable for anyone planning a retirement speech or looking for a retirement gift. So put on your slippers, light your pipe and sit back for a 'lump sum' of laughter!

A MASSIVE COLLECTION OF LAUGHABLE, CHEESY JOKES PERFECT FOR AMUSING DADS WHILE SLIGHTLY EMBARRASSING THE KIDS As groan-inducing as they are hilarious, dad jokes are the punny one-liners and oh-so-clever quips fathers never tire of telling. With this massive collection, no Dad will ever lack new material to make his kids facepalm: • A watermelon and a honeydew wanted to get married right away, but they cantaloupe. • After Humpty Dumpty recovered from his fall, he was just a shell of his former self. • Sign language interpreters have to lean sideways to translate something in italics. • Anyone with a wheat allergy that routinely eats pasta is just a gluten for punishment. • A chord walked into a bar and ordered a drink. The bartender said, “We don’t serve minors.”

The future is ours - let's enjoy it! After all those years of routine you're suddenly free. No more being bossed about - well, apart from by your other half, of course. And no more wage slavery - er, no more wages! This charming book will help ease you into this strange and perplexing new stage of your life.

What You Don't Know about Retirement... will have any retiree celebrating this milestone with lots of laughs. This entertaining quiz pokes fun at growing older while celebrating the joy of retirement. What You Don't Know about Retirement... will provide endless entertainment for any retirement party and is sure to be a HIT! Q: Why do new retirees suddenly look ten years younger? A: They suddenly feel ten years younger. Q: What's the best way for a retiree to make sure his memoirs are read? A: Include lots of clues about hidden money.

Today, almost all Americans can expect to live longer and healthier lives than their parents or grandparents ever thought possible, which introduces an entirely new realm of opportunities and challenges than previously contemplated. Although often underappreciated, how this new generation of well-educated, longer living citizens will ultimately decide to develop personally satisfying lives, beyond relying upon traditional jobs and employment colleagues for meaningful affirmation in retirement, is truly uncharted territory. There are few role models or societal expectations for these unprecedented times—especially for women and ethnic minorities. This volume brings together distinguished senior psychologists from a wide range of former occupational positions to share their personal retirement experiences—their struggles, their aspirations, their eventual journeys. Many do not consider themselves “retired”—and some even suggest the concept of retirement itself needs examination and refinement. Advances in technology, frustrating physical ailments, and missing friends influence late life decisions. However, even when facing existential unknowns, each of the authors remains optimistic and open to seeking new directions in their lives. How they navigate their individual journeys in retirement suggests some common themes and pathways, although there are also many individual nuances. The unique personal story approach in this book enables the reader to share the concerns of retirement with each author and find out how they resolved those concerns in seeking a meaningful retirement. It is comforting to learn that there is no one path that applies to everyone. The authors share their thinking and decision-making in approaching their retirement and provide multiple guides for the reader to consider. Readers will also appreciate that “retiring to” something, instead of “retiring from” something, provides a new perspective in examining and shifting life and work goals in later life.

This collection of lighthearted and witty yet informative articles about seniors and retirement living was originally written for a leading syndication of news and features and made available to more than 50 mature-market publications.

Humor and Aging deals with humor throughout the life span, although primary attention is given to humor about and by the elderly. The book contains theoretical and review material from infancy to old age and includes empirical studies of death and dying in both our own and other societies. The book is divided into four parts. Part I considers theoretical models of humor development across the life span and discusses physiological, psychological, and sociological processes. Part II deals with ways of considering humor and aging from different vantage points. These include (1) humor about people of different ages; (2) humor for people of different ages; and (3) humor by people of different ages. Part III addresses the grim subject of death and dying and how it lends itself to humorous treatment in our own and other societies. Part IV contains brief empirical reports. Since scientific research in humor and aging is only beginning, it seems important to discuss pilot work in hopes that others will follow. Finally, an epilogue by Loeb and Wood presents a compelling theoretical approach.

Mike Spry's debut collection of fiction revels in his characters' idiosyncrasies and shortcomings in ten stories filled with wit and reverie. In Distillery Songs' original and compelling narratives, dogs smoke, monkeys pop pills, cats are humourless, and Jesus drinks hot toddies. With a voice that Vallum magazine calls "a more obsessive, quirky, and pop-cultured version of Charles Bukowski," Spry confronts issues of love, loss, addiction, and desire in a manner that is at once funny, imaginative, and heartbreaking.