Shit Happens

Good advice for tough times "To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone and a funny bone." —Reba McEntire "You can't be brave if you've only had wonderful things happen to you." —Mary Tyler Moore "Sometimes you just have to pee in the sink." —Charles Bukowski "Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first." —Mark Twain "Anyone who trades liberty for security deserves neither." —Benjamin Franklin "When your dreams turn to dust, vacuum." —Desmond Tutu Ever had one of those days when nothing seems to go your way? Poor little you. Now deal with it! Life is too short to spend moping around when instead you could be taking things with a pinch of salt—and a shot of tequila. Here's a book packed with straight-talking quotations to help you get a grip and find the brighter side.

The contents of this book are a perfectly true account of the noteworthy events that occurred before and during the author’s 53-year career in sewage treatment and water pollution control. Many of those events, referred to as “SHIT HAPPENINGS” were extremely amusing and some were absolutely hilarious, though in some cases they were undoubtedly dangerous to the author himself as well as others. Many of those occurrences were almost unbelievable but even after many years they remain etched into people’s memories. Some events could be regarded as ‘tragi-comic’; amusing for some people but causing misery, discomfort and despair as well for others. Some were indeed extremely tragic, where innocent lives were lost and most of these were caused by a combination of laziness, greed and lack of concern for others. These last three qualities were clearly shown in all the countries the author worked in: The United Kingdom (England, Scotland and Wales), Thailand, Hong Kong, Egypt, Turkey, Singapore, Taiwan, and Australia. However, it must be said that SHIT did not HAPPEN in all of them.

Ever thought that life is full of shit? That's because it is. Shit happens. You wake up and your alarm's been beeping for an hour. You hurry to get ready but your iron's on the blink. There's no milk in the fridge, the bread's gone mouldy, the shower's cold, and your travel card's out of date. A shitty start to the day? That's nothing! This is a celebration and commemoration of all things shit, dedicated to those who get in it and those who never got out of it.

Shit happens to everyone for all reasons. Some shit is self-inflicted by poor decisions, and some shit that happens is unfair and undeserved. Some shit you want to forget and some shit you don't, hence, this is your journal to write that shit down that you always want to remember exactly how it went down. This "Shit List because shit happens" journal will make you feel better once it is documented. Don't forget, to make sure those you care about have the same right to keep track of Shit, treat them to a journal of their own!

'Some days you're the bug. Some days you're the windshield.' Price Cobb GOOD ADVICE FOR BAD TIMES. So what if you've just wrapped your new car round a lamp post, emailed your 'personal' snaps to the entire company by mistake or delivered a eulogy with your flies undone: shit happens - get over it! Here is a book packed with quotations to help you to get a grip and see the funny side.

In a few short pages, you will learn how to use shit correctly in all social situations; how to introduce shit to toddlers and school kids; how to build shit into your everyday speech; how to include shit in all forms of writing, including business letters; how to measure shit; and how to make shit work for you and the entire family. More shit than you ever could fit in your brain.

How Hot is Heaven? What is it to be Human? These and other questions are pondered in An Irrational Normality. An unusual creative non-fiction memoir not only because it makes living an everyday life in a schizophrenic world a compelling read, but ultimately answers, Who is responsible for What and is What responsible for Who? Armed with the pervasive subjugation of his soul by government authorities and religious institutions with their certainties and choices engraved in tomes and on stones, the author navigates a world overflowing with psychopathic politicians, religious fanatics, and other visionaries from New York States 1st Protestant orphanage to an Iraqi head Bobbing in a septic tank complicating the establishment of an FOB.

Disasters affect us all. It doesn't matter if it's a natural disaster that forces your family to evacuate on a moment's notice or your home is flooded or destroyed. It could be a personal disaster like death, divorce, or health. It could even be any number of little things that go wrong in our lives on a daily basis; a flat tire, a broken pipe, or a broken light-switch that can create chaos in your life. Disasters are all around us. How well we are prepared for them influences our ability to get through them. Do you have a disaster plan? If you don't, why not? What's stopping you from creating a plan to protect not only you, but, those you love the most? Do you know where to start? Could you collect your important papers on a moment's notice? Does your family know where to find important papers and information? Do you have a list of computer accounts and passwords for your loved ones if you were no longer here? Shit Happens will guide you step-by-step through the disaster planning process. You will work with your lawyer, accountant, financial planner, insurance agent, and funeral planner. You will gather and assemble all the pieces of your plan in your comprehensive "ICE" (in case of emergency) file and store your information securely. You will prepare for many emergencies by putting together your family disaster kit and checklist. Your family will know where to meet and what to do if separated during an emergency. You will create and share your plan with your loved ones. Planning for life's disasters is empowering. It will provide you with great peace of mind knowing you are prepared and your family will be safe and taken care of. Shit Happens is the blueprint to insure you will not only survive the disaster but you and your family will go on to thrive.