Stupid Things I Wont Do When I Get Old

For fans of David Sedaris and Nora Ephron, here is a humorous, irreverent, and poignant look at the gifts, stereotypes, and inevitable challenges of aging, based on the wildly popular New York Times essay from award-winning journalist Steven Petrow. Soon after his 50th birthday, Steven Petrow began assembling a list of “things I won’t do when I get old”—mostly a catalog of all the things he thought his then 70-something year old parents were doing wrong. That list, which included “You won’t have to shout at me that I’m deaf,” and “I won’t blame the family dog for my incontinence,” became the basis of this rousing collection of do’s and don’ts, wills and won’ts that is equal parts hilarious, honest, and practical. The fact is, we don’t want to age the way previous generations did. “Old people” hoard. They bore relatives—and strangers—with tales of their aches and pains. They insist on driving long after they’ve become a danger to others (and themselves). They eat dinner at 4pm. They swear they don’t need a cane or walker (and guess what happens next). They never, ever apologize. But there is another way . . . In Stupid Things I Won’t Do When I Get Old, Petrow candidly addresses the fears, frustrations, and stereotypes that accompany aging. He offers a blueprint for the new old age, and an understanding that aging and illness are not the same. As he writes, “I meant the list to serve as a pointed reminder—to me—to make different choices when I eventually cross the threshold to ‘old.’” Getting older is a privilege. This essential guide reveals how to do it with grace, wisdom, humor, and hope. And without hoarding.

For every woman who wants to know what her man is thinking. Internationally syndicated radio superhost and columnist, controversial psycho-therapist, and author of the break-out New York Times bestsellers How Could You Do That?! and Ten Stupid Things Women Do to Mess Up Their Lives, Dr. Laura Schlessinger is back with Ten Stupid Things Men Do to Mess Up Their Lives. In ten vital, compelling chapters, Dr. Laura speaks her mind on: Stupid Chivalry By getting involved with the wrong woman (weak, flaky, damaged, needy, desperate, stupid, untrustworthy, immature, etc.) you think that your love will save/transform her. Stupid Independence Unwilling to admit "need" for bonding and intimacy, you hide in excesses of work, play, drink, drugs, porn, and meaningless sex. Stupid Ambition Unable to comfortably and proudly accept your inherent importance to society and family as husband and father, you bow to the false idols of money, toys, power, and status. Stupid Strength Uncomfortable with feeling weak, vulnerable, useless, powerless, or rejected, you use intimidation, force, or passive-aggressiveness to regain control. Stupid Sex Taking an attraction, opportunity, or erection as a "sign," you measure your masculinity and power by sexual conquests, infidelities, and orgasms. Stupid Matrimony Lacking a mature sense of the purpose, meaning, or value of marriage, you realize too late you've gone down the aisle with the wrong woman for the wrong reasons and feel helpless to "fix it." Stupid Husbanding Thinking that marriage is the honorable discharge from loving courtship, you continue to live as though you were single and your "mommy-wife" will take care of everything else. Stupid Parenting Believing that only women/mothers nurture children, you withdraw from hands-on parenting to assert your masculine importance, missing out on the true "soul food" of a child's hug. Stupid Boyishness Having not yet worked out a comfortable emotional and social understanding with your mother, you form relationships with women that become geared to avenge, resolve, or protect you from your ties to Mommy. Stupid Machismo Understanding the true and meaningful difference between being male and a man, you can become a man.

One bonus of getting older is that it gives us a great perspective on life ...and that includes plenty of humor! This collection of cartoons, quips, quotes, and insights introduces a new comedy genre: elderhumor. It captures the wry hilarity of our real-life sitcoms. Generational vocabulary gaps, miscommunications, preoccupation with health and comforts, foibles, disguises (for aging), even physical limitations -- all can have their funny sides when we're laughing at ourselves. One bonus of getting older is that it gives us a great perspective on life ...and that includes plenty of humor! This collection of cartoons, quips, quotes, and insights introduces a new comedy genre: elderhumor. It captures the wry hilarity of our real-life sitcoms. Generational vocabulary gaps, miscommunications, preoccupation with health and comforts, foibles, disguises (for aging), even physical limitations -- all can have their funny sides when we're laughing at ourselves. This book, a light-hearted gift for anyone who's 50-plus, is a memoryjogger too. Remember the Katzenjammer Kids? Jack Armstrong? Apple Mary? Check out your friends' ages by their responses to a "Vanishing Words" test (examples: "spider," "broomstick skirt," "running board," "the shag"). If you're still calling the refrigerator an "icebox," it's a giveaway -- you're probably over 60. What's So Funny about Getting Old? is brought to you by a comedy team of two. Ed Fischer is an award-winning cartoonist. Jane Thomas Noland, author of Laugh It Off (what's so funny about trying to lose weight?) is a books editor and a former Minneapolis Star Tribune feature writer. Both have delicious ways of looking at life. Both, like all the rest of us, are getting older. Laughter heals. Laughter helps. Laughter keeps us in shape emotionally and physically. Read this book and try it. You'll be convinced, as these authors are, that there's only one way to grow older -- with a healthy sense of humor!

Four hundred years ago a Scottish cargo ship fell prey to a Wendigo at an early settlement on the Hudson River. Now a team of archaeologists have uncovered the boat, and let loose the evil. Soon Manhattan is hit by an ice storm like no other. Besides the wind and ice, there is something else moving in the storm. Blue, cold things, with razor sharp teeth.

Urges women to take control of their lives, pay attention to their dreams, take an objective look at self-diminishing behavior, and seek personal growth and joy.

If he had been with me everything would have been different... I wasn't with Finn on that August night. But I should've been. It was raining, of course. And he and Sylvie were arguing as he drove down the slick road. No one ever says what they were arguing about. Other people think it's not important. They do not know there is another story. The story that lurks between the facts. What they do not know—the cause of the argument—is crucial. So let me tell you...

A PEOPLE Magazine Editor's Pick! “The book brims with wisdom, heart and self-deprecating humor. Friend to every generation, Jill Orr writes with an easy, knowing style — you can practically sense her smile radiating through the page.” — Columbia Daily Tribune Old suggests you have life experience, but OLD means you won’t shut up about it. Old brings with it a more relaxed pace of life, while OLD is synonymous with slow driving (and even slower digestion). Old comes with a quiet confidence envied by youth, but OLD comes with bitterness and a rigidity that youth cannot rightfully stand. While growing old is a privilege, becoming OLD is optional. If you don’t mind being “Okay, Karen-ed” by Millennials and Gen Zs, that's totally your choice. But if want to update some of your long-held beliefs (and possibly your even-longer-held hairstyle) to become more relevant, How Not to Be Old will clue you in on how a slight adjustment in behavior and thinking will help you more fully connect with today’s world... and the people who will be in charge of your nursing home one day. A humorous how-to guide on aging gracefully... or not. Perfect gift for boomers, GenX, & millennials looking to find the funny in getting older.

Good things come in small sizes. That is so true, especially for How Not to Become a Crotchety Old Man. Big on fun and filled with hilarious insights about how not to let our inner crotchety old man out, this one makes the perfect Father's Day gift. Men will learn how to age gracefully so they never rattle off an inappropriate "dirty old man" joke. They'll learn that reading the obits first is a cardinal sin and that never reading the instructions is a close second.