Forgiving And Reconciling

A Templeton Foundation Book of Distinction All of us have suffered painful emotional and relational hurts. God calls us to forgive those who have hurt us, but that's often easier said than done. We don't usually know how to forgive others, nor are we always sure if we have truly forgiven them. Psychologist and counselor Everett L. Worthington Jr., the leading Christian researcher on forgiveness, says that forgiving is a gift we give to others. When we offer forgiveness to others as an altruistic gift, it is more effective than when we forgive only for our own benefit in an effort to "get over" the hurt. True forgiveness is accomplished through a careful process of understanding both the offense and the offender and taking active steps to forgiveness. In this insightful and practical book, Worthington provides a wealth of clinically proven tools and exercises for moving toward forgiveness. Worthington's expertise comes not only from years of scientific research but also from the experience of the brutal murder of his own mother. His convictions were put to the test as he worked through his conflicting emotions and rage toward the murderer. He found that the principles of Christian forgiveness enabled him to forgive even his mother's killer. While forgiveness is something that we can do on our own, reconciliation involves another party. Worthington brings both themes together and shows how we can move beyond forgiveness and cross the bridge to reconciliation. This book, previously published as Five Steps to Forgiveness, has been fully revised to make clear the scriptural foundations of Christian forgiveness. Biblical, authoritative and pastorally sound, this guide will be of help to anyone who wants to find the freedom of forgiveness.

A Templeton Foundation Book of Distinction All of us have suffered painful emotional and relational hurts. God calls us to forgive those who have hurt us, but that's often easier said than done. We don't usually know how to forgive others, nor are we always sure if we have truly forgiven them. Psychologist and counselor Everett L. Worthington Jr., the leading Christian researcher on forgiveness, says that forgiving is a gift we give to others. When we offer forgiveness to others as an altruistic gift, it is more effective than when we forgive only for our own benefit in an effort to "get over" the hurt. True forgiveness is accomplished through a careful process of understanding both the offense and the offender and taking active steps to forgiveness. In this insightful and practical book, Worthington provides a wealth of clinically proven tools and exercises for moving toward forgiveness. Worthington's expertise comes not only from years of scientific research but also from the experience of the brutal murder of his own mother. His convictions were put to the test as he worked through his conflicting emotions and rage toward the murderer. He found that the principles of Christian forgiveness enabled him to forgive even his mother's killer. While forgiveness is something that we can do on our own, reconciliation involves another party. Worthington brings both themes together and shows how we can move beyond forgiveness and cross the bridge to reconciliation. This book, previously published as Five Steps to Forgiveness, has been fully revised to make clear the scriptural foundations of Christian forgiveness. Biblical, authoritative and pastorally sound, this guide will be of help to anyone who wants to find the freedom of forgiveness.

To be unforgiving is harmful. The inability to come to terms with one’s anger or strife often can lead to stress disorders, mental health disorders, and relationship problems. Forgiveness is a personal decision. Forgiveness and Reconciliation focuses on individual experiences with forgiveness, aiming to create a theory of what forgiveness is and connect it to a clinical theory of how to promote forgiveness. Dr. Worthington creates an evidence-based approach that is applicable for individuals and relationships, and even for society. He also describes an evidence-based method of reconciliation - restoring trust in damaged relationships. Dr. Worthington hopes that this theory will inform scientific research and improve intervention strategies. Showing that forgiveness transforms personality, Worthington describes ways a clinician can promote (but not force) forgiveness of others and self. He provides research-based theory and applications and discusses the role of emotion and specific personality traits as related to forgiveness. Forgiveness and reconciliation might not be cures, but, as Worthington shows, they are tools for transforming both the self and the world.

We all long for peace within ourselves, families, communities, countries, and throughout the world. We wonder what we can do about the multitude of con?icts currently wreaking havoc across the globe and the continuous reports of violence in communities as well as within families. Most of the time, we contemplate solutions beyond our reach, and overlook a powerful tool that is at our disposal: forgiveness. As a genocide survivor, I know something about it. As the genocide unfolded in Rwanda in 1994, I was devastated by what I believed to be the inevitable deaths of my loved ones. The news that my parents and my seven siblings had indeed been killed was simply unbearable. Anger and bitterness became my daily companions. Likewise, I continued to wonder how the Hutus and Tutsis in Rwanda could possibly reconcile after one of the most horrendous genocides of the 20th century. It was not until I came to understand the notion of forgiveness that I was able to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Common wisdom suggests that forgiveness comes after a perpetrator makes a genuine apology. This wisdom informs us that in the aftermath of a wrongdoing, the offender must acknowledge the wrong he or she has done, express remorse, express an apology, commit to never repeating said harm, and make reparations to theextentpossible.Onlythencanthevictimforgiveandagreetoneverseekrevenge.

This book brings together a unique combination of experts in conflict resolution and focuses on the role forgiveness can play in the process. It deals with theology, public policy, psychological and social theory, and social policy implementation of forgiveness. This book is essential for libraries, scholars, conflict negotiators, and all people who hope to understand the role of forgiveness in the peace process. The book's first section explores how ideas like "forgiveness" and "reconciliation" are moving out from the seminary and academy into the world of public policy and how these terms have been used and defined in the past. The second section looks at forgiveness and public policy. One of the chapters, by Donald W. Shriver Jr., addresses forgiveness in a secular political forum. The third section of the book draws us to a more thorough analysis of the relationship between forgiveness and reconciliation from voices in the academic and theological community, and the final section highlights the work of practitioners currently working with religion, public policy, and conflict transformation, particularly in areas such as Ireland and Africa. Contributors include Desmond M. Tutu, Rodney L. Petersen, Miroslav Volf, Stanley S. Harakas, Raymond G. Helmick, SJ, Joseph V. Montville, Douglas M. Johnston, Donna Hicks, Donald W. Shriver, Jr., Everett L. Worthington, Jr., John Paul Lederach, Ervin Staub, Laurie Anne Pearlman, John Dawson, Audrey R. Chapman, Olga Botcharova, Anthony da Silva, SJ, Geraldine Smythe, OP, Andrea Bartoli, Ofelia Ortega, and George F. R. Ellis.

Christians are supposed to forgive others as we've been forgiven. But hearing the call to forgive is different from knowing how to practice forgiveness at home and in the world. Forgiveness is about more than the isolated acts and words of individuals. To forgive and be forgiven, we need communal practices and disciplines for a way of life that makes for peace. Greg Jones and Célestin Musekura describe how churches and communities can cultivate the habits that make forgiveness possible on a daily basis. Following the Rwandan genocide, Musekura lost his father and other family members to revenge killings. But then he heard God tell him to forgive the killers. The healing power of forgiveness in his own life inspired him to work for forgiveness and reconciliation across Africa. Jones, author of Embodying Forgiveness, interacts with Musekura's story to show how people can practice forgiveness not only in dramatic situations like genocide but also in everyday circumstances of marriage, family and congregational life. Together they demonstrate that forgiving and being forgiven are mutually reciprocating practices that lead to transformation and healing.

Maybe God isn't who you think He is. Maybe He's much better. Pastor and speaker Shane Pruitt guides readers in identifying the Christian cliches we've all heard that are actually unbiblical lies. He then counters with the truths about God as presented in the Bible, truths that bring encouragement and freedom for our lives. God won't give you more than you can handle. Really? Pastor and speaker Shane Pruitt shines a light on this and other Christian cliches that upon further inspection are actually unbiblical lies that keep far too many believers stuck in spiritual immaturity.

The Templeton Foundation, whose board members include Desmond Tutu, Jimmy Carter, Robert Coles, and others, has already funded more than $5 million and supported 58 studies to show that it's possible to teach people to forgive faster, more thoroughly, and with longer-lasting results. The core of Everett Worthington's own research is his revolutionary five-step Reach program for forgiveness: R = Recall the hurt (define your feelings and expectations)E = Empathize with the one who hurt you (put yourself in the victimizer's shoes)A = Give the Altruistic gift of forgiveness (commit to a selfless act)C = Commit to forgive (make your act a public one)H = Hold onto forgiveness (learn how not to slide back into thoughts of revenge and retaliation)The author lays out the research results that demonstrate that people who forgive are healthier and happier. It offers a new definition of forgiveness: it's not an act of will, but rather a change in understanding.This revolutionary book provides readers with a new road out of the pain of victimization.