Grief Walk

A loved one dies. The pain and grief can be intense. You need the comfort of God's presence, compassion, and love. You need to know He is walking with you in your pain and grief. That's what Grief Walk is all about.

This practical book is for people who are grieving, for people who want to support them as they undertake the painful journey of grief, and for anyone who wants to reflect on their own experiences of loss. When Alister asked Isobel, whose husband had died a few years before, what would have helped her most then, her response was immediate. ‘Someone who would walk with me. Not people who would talk at me and give me answers, but simply listen to me and walk with me.’ The grief walk. Grieving and loss are universal experiences, but how you experience grief is unique to you. In his ministry, Alister has found that models of the stages of grief are unhelpful, as is the idea of closure. Instead, he gives you permission to work through your grief in the ways, and at the times, that are helpful to you. Alister explores disenfranchised grief that occurs when we are denied the right to grieve and our loss isn’t recognised. Our lives are marked by countless losses and we all carry grief about many losses in our life. If we embrace our grief, we can journey on to something new and find fresh hope. Praise for The Grief Walk “The Grief Walk has a freshness and honesty about grief, beginning with its imaginative title and sustained until the final affirmation of hope. We all experience loss and grief in our lives. But, as Hendery writes, until we name and acknowledge a loss and recognise that we have a right to grieve, we are unable to come to terms with it. He emphasises that grief doesn’t follow a predetermined path and nor can we close it off like a tap. He describes a perceived end process of “closure” as psychobabble. While grief may not be permanently disabling, we learn to encompass it. This is not the same as closure. Grief may find expression in different physical and emotional symptoms and we can’t expect religious faith to provide a magical answer. Finding someone who listens and understands, who in a sense personifies the presence of God, can help us with the grief journey. The Grief Walk confronts the idea that grief is momentary or experienced in clearly-defined stages and points to a hope. This book is a gift for all who grieve or who walk with those who grieve.” John Meredith in Tui Motu Magazine. Issue 253 October 2020: 27 “…Far too often, people present grieving as a one-way process with well-defined stages, concluding with something they call “closure”. I strongly reject such an extremely unhelpful model. Alister does also; he is clear that your grieving is unique to you…” Rev’d Bosco Peters on Liturgy.co.nz “This book will read you as you are reading it. It is a book you will pick up and put down and pick up and put down as you find yourself walking again through parts of your life, maybe unexpectedly rediscovering boggy patches you had forgotten, or not realised are still painful… There is ancient wisdom here alongside modern psychology. There is gentleness, and there is a reality faced that grief is universal, painful, and not always an easy walk… But beware. As I read Alister’s words I found myself thinking, lamenting, crying, and laughing… I surprised myself with the depth of some of what rose to the surface for me. Ancient griefs, recent disappointments, and the ambivalent feelings that came, like fish to breathe the air again.” From the Foreword by The Rev’d Rob Ferguson Contents Title and Copyright Foreword Preface Acknowledgements How I use certain Words Authors who have Influenced Me 1 – Introduction 2 – Our Lives are Laden with Losses Acknowledging our Losses Disenfranchised Losses and Griefs 3 – Experiences of Disenfranchised Loss and Grief Grieving for Those Still Living Living Loss and Disability Relational Loss – Divorce and Dissolution Relational Loss – Ending of a Romantic Relationship Unrecognised Relationships The Loss of a Companion Animal Material Losses Infertility and Childlessness Grief in Foster Care The Losses of Miscarriage and Stillbirth Loss from Medical Termination Loss of Employment Discovering Disenfranchisement 4 – Understandings and Misunderstandings about Grief Our Loss and Grief is Unique – so Forget the Rules There’s No ‘One Size Fits All’ – so Forget Stages in Grief We Wax and Wane – so it’s Okay to Retreat from Time to Time A Continual Presence Which can Ambush us – so Forget the Timeline Continuing Bonds – So Forget about Having to Let Go Grief Doesn’t get Closed Off – so Forget about Closure Our Life has Changed – so Forget the idea of Returning to Normal We Grieve in Our Own Way – so Forget the Stereotypes 5 – Experiencing Grief More than Sadness Grief Isolates Experiencing Grief in our Body Experiencing Grief in our Emotions Experiencing Grief in our Thinking and Mental processes Experiencing Grief in our Behaviour Experiencing Grief in our Spirituality Secondary Losses and Loss of Identity When do we Need Professional Interventions? 6 – What do I say? What can I do? Sit Beside me on my Mourning Bench Some Dos and Don’ts Do Talk About the Loss It’s about Relationships Caring Companionship Silence, Tears, and Empathy 7 – Grief is about Love and Attachment Grief – the Price of Love Love as Attachment A Secure Base 8 – God and our Grief – But what Kind of God? Our Vulnerable God Good News Stories of Vulnerability, Loss, and Grief Becoming Vulnerable – Becoming like God Suffering Love that is With Us Discarding the Great Vacuum Cleaner in the Sky Jesus Began to Weep 9 – Words for our Grief – A Gift from the Psalms David’s Dirge Faith Incorporating Grief My One Companion is Darkness Challenging a Cover-up 10 – Walking with Job – A Story of Losing and Grieving The Scene is Set – Job 1:1 – 2:10 Job’s Friends – Job 2:11–13 What the Friends got Right Sitting Shiva What the Friends got Wrong Job’s Wife What Job Needed – Giving Voice to his Grief Anger and the Need to Blame Job’s Questioning Faith Containing Tensions The Climax – Job 38–41 Our Faith may be Challenged and Changed 11 – The Easter Walk Waiting in the Darkness and the Absence Gradual, Imperceptible Resurrection 12 – A Choice – Do we go Through the Pain or Around it? Stewards of our Pain A Great Freedom – How do we Respond? 13 – Our Search for Meaning after Loss Moving Grief from a Noun to a Verb What is Meaning? Reconstructing our Meaning after Loss Meaning in Love Living in a Changed World 14 – Hope Emerges Hopes and Goals Hope Isn’t a Magic Potion Our Sustaining Hope: If God is for us Selected Bibliography Also by Alister G. Hendery from Philip Garside Publishing Ltd Index About the Author Alister Hendery is an Anglican priest in Aotearoa New Zealand. Loss and grief have been a special focus of his ministry for the past 40 years. He has served as a parish priest, educator, counsellor, and funeral celebrant. These days, as well as exploring with others what loss and grief can mean for us, he ministers with faith communities in times of change. He is the author of Earthed in Hope: Dying, Death and Funerals, also from Philip Garside Publishing Ltd.

After a loving, seventeen-year relationship with her husband, Gus, Michelle and her four children ages eighteen, fourteen, twelve, and ten each experience their own individual journeys into the storm of grief during and after the diagnosis of liver cancer. My Husband Our Father: A Familys Walk Through the Storm of Grief in Search of a Rainbow is comprised of personal memoirs from a young widow, Michelle, and each of her four children: Brittany, Gina, Louie, and Madeline. This book will lift your heart, as we have all gone through our own personal journey of grief at some point in our lives, searching for a rainbow of hope in order to move forward. My Husband Our Father: A Family's Walk Through the Storm of Grief in Search of a Rainbow provides unique insight and an honest perspective on how we all grieve differently and how this can weigh heavily upon a family. Experience the enlightenment, inspiration, and empowerment that this book will offer. Truly inspirational is the transition between love, loss, and healing, as our lives move forward with our lost loved ones nearby. Step inside the hearts and minds of each family member to better understand the grieving process and better recognize the storm of grief in search of a rainbow. Feel free to visit our website for blogs and updates: www.insearchofarainbow.com And our Facebook Page: http://www.facebook.com/insearchofarainbow The writing of My Husband Our Father involved each family member producing an unedited, candid memoir of experience before sharing with the family - and the result is a gripping chronicle of how life goes on and how recoveries happen at different levels. The result is a poignant and moving memoir, highly recommended for any who have struggled with grief during challenging processes and times, which documents the separate journals and experiences of a family connected by the bonds of love, pain, and survival. D. Donovan, Senior eBook Reviewer, MBR

It’s a topic no one wants to talk about, but everyone will eventually face – death. We may avoid discussion, pretending that if we don’t talk about it, it will never happen. Loved ones are often left to grieve a death without the skills and abilities to effectively navigate grief. Lori McMillan West lost her husband when she was a young mom with four children. Uncertain how to handle grief, she sought information, solace, and comfort in books written about grief, only to find that published materials about the subject often approached it from a clinical perspective. This book approaches grief from an intimate view. Lori’s gift of writing and her ability to relate her experience offers the reader valuable insights and information designed to assist the reader in their healing. Along with her personal experiences, topics that are covered in this book are the emotional, physical, social, financial, and spiritual impacts felt with the loss of a loved one. In a collection of personal stories, photographs, wisdom, and step-by-step guidance, Lori McMillan West shares candid dialogue of her unique experience with grief after the loss of her husband, Joseph, and what she has learned in the process. While reminding others that grief is often messy, difficult, and incredibly overwhelming at times, she details their relationship and the incidents surrounding his diagnosis and death, and then shares insight into her challenges, obstacles, feelings, and interactions with others following Joe’s death as she courageously sought a way to heal and move forward. Walking the Path of Grief shares personal stories, advice, and guidance that offers a glimpse into a widow’s experiences as she mourned the unexpected death of her husband.

In this groundbreaking new work, David Kessler—an expert on grief and the coauthor with Elisabeth Kübler-Ross of the iconic On Grief and Grieving—journeys beyond the classic five stages to discover a sixth stage: meaning. In 1969, Elisabeth Kübler Ross first identified the stages of dying in her transformative book On Death and Dying. Decades later, she and David Kessler wrote the classic On Grief and Grieving, introducing the stages of grief with the same transformative pragmatism and compassion. Now, based on hard-earned personal experiences, as well as knowledge and wisdom earned through decades of work with the grieving, Kessler introduces a critical sixth stage. Many people look for “closure” after a loss. Kessler argues that it’s finding meaning beyond the stages of grief most of us are familiar with—denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance—that can transform grief into a more peaceful and hopeful experience. In this book, Kessler gives readers a roadmap to remembering those who have died with more love than pain; he shows us how to move forward in a way that honors our loved ones. Kessler’s insight is both professional and intensely personal. His journey with grief began when, as a child, he witnessed a mass shooting at the same time his mother was dying. For most of his life, Kessler taught physicians, nurses, counselors, police, and first responders about end of life, trauma, and grief, as well as leading talks and retreats for those experiencing grief. Despite his knowledge, his life was upended by the sudden death of his twenty-one-year-old son. How does the grief expert handle such a tragic loss? He knew he had to find a way through this unexpected, devastating loss, a way that would honor his son. That, ultimately, was the sixth state of grief—meaning. In Finding Meaning, Kessler shares the insights, collective wisdom, and powerful tools that will help those experiencing loss. Finding Meaning is a necessary addition to grief literature and a vital guide to healing from tremendous loss. This is an inspiring, deeply intelligent must-read for anyone looking to journey away from suffering, through loss, and towards meaning.

900km to walk. A cycle of generational addiction to break. Embark on this inspirational journey of healing on the Camino De Santiago. From hedonistic festivals, psyche readings, spirit guides, and awakenings, to the rugged beauty and medieval streets of Northern Spain, homelessness becomes a pilgrimage, and an adventure in Spain unfolds. Sometimes you have to change everything to change yourself. Powerful. Entertaining. Moving. A timely intervention into the conversation on mental health, masculinity, and suicide. - Soul Craft Your Life Podcast Reviews Set in a dead-end town in the Midlands and Northern Spain, this is an exploration of generational trauma and healing. It's entertaining yet honest, and that's the beauty of it. - James Pointer We meet Peter standing on the edge of a cliff contemplating the question, 'How far would you fall before changing your mind?' Adrift in Spain, having left everything he owns and knows, he faces the hard truth - life catches up to you no matter how far you run. Three months before, whilst sitting in a former police cell and handling Christmas delivery requests, he receives a phone call from a stranger who asks him to write her suicide note. So begins a series of synchronicities that lead him to hike the Camino De Santiago, an ancient pilgrimage route through France and Spain. As he walks, his father's story unfolds beside his own, chronicling the addiction that runs through his paternal line and which led to his father's premature death the year before. Peter is haunted by what seems like an inevitable path laid before him. Homeless and without money, he must let go of control, place his trust in the kindness of strangers, and embrace the mysteries of the Camino. Before he can finish his pilgrimage and reach the ocean, a reckoning awaits him in the desert. If he can face his family's past, he may yet walk into a new world. Inspired by true events, this story is about grief and healing and how we can send the love back. An emotional rollercoaster that carries you the entire way - Laura Clements Some books change you for the better, this one does - M Harrigan A fascinating exploration of masculinity and the search for meaning in a post-Christian world - Stevie and Barbs Podcast I loved this book! Spirit guides, magical signs, listening to the heart, all grounded in a story that holds no punches - Fran, AU

"Do what makes you happy right now" is one of our culture's loudest anthems. But when it comes to grief, this philosophy can lead to destructive or addictive behaviors if teens don't learn to process in a healthy way. Whether it's a friend moving away, a breakup, or a death, this sensitive guide offers reassuring explanations to commonly asked questions about how to handle grief. Features: What is grief, and how do teens typically respond? What happens when we don't deal with grief? What does healthy grieving look like?

Grief Light is for anyone who is grieving. From her personal perspective on the light side of grief, the author illuminates many of the universal truths of grief through practical, spiritual illustrations and examples from ordinary life. Written in an informal, approachable style, each brief meditation offers grief insight through the rich imagery of stories and scenes from everyday experience, supported by Scripture and a prayer idea. Through these positive, uplifting reflections on life and love and death, you will discern how your faith can grow as a gift of grief through the steadfast love and faithfulness of God. When you read these almost devotionals, you may think, Oh yes, that happened to me or Now I understand more about what it is Im feeling or I thought I was the only one whod ever experienced that or Theres really some plain talk here about human nature. Grief Light also addresses some of the more contemporary, yet seldom fully acknowledged issues that surround grief, including collective/communal grief, incomplete grief, compound grief, and complicated grief. The hope is that the heart and spiritual truths of Grief Light will guide you toward a better understanding of your grief and direct you away from the darkness, toward the light of new life.