How It Feels To Have A Gay Or Lesbian Parent

In their own words, children of different ages talk about how and when they learned of their gay or lesbian parent's sexual orientation, and the effect it has had on them.

Sometimes I fantasize about having a magic wand. How awesome it would be to wave it and completely eliminate prejudice, hate, and ignorance. Just imagine what it would be like to live in a world like that. How It Feels to Have a Gay or Lesbian Parent: A Book by Kids for Kids of All Ages gives voice to the thoughts, feelings, and experiences of children, adolescents, and young adults who have a gay or lesbian parent. In their own words, they talk openly and candidly about how and when they learned of their parent’s sexual orientation and the effect it had on them—and their families. Their stories echo themes of prejudice and harassment, conflict and confusion, adaptation and adjustment, and hope for tolerance and a family that can exist in harmony. “Because it’s an issue for other people, it becomes an issue for me. I’m angry about the way it works against me.” The stories told in How It Feels to Have a Gay or Lesbian Parent not only reflect the day-to-day struggle of children with a GLBT parent, they also reveal the pain inherent in high-conflict divorce and child custody cases. Children of gay/lesbian parents ranging in age from seven to 31 recall the confusion and grief created when the disclosure of their parent’s true sexual orientation ended a marriage and divided a family. The “straight” parent’s resentment can lead to angry remarks that—intentionally or unintentionally—disparage the gay/lesbian parent and threaten the natural love and affection the child feels for both. “I guess the hardest part about having a gay dad is that no matter how okay you are with it, there’s always going to be someone who will dislike you because of it.” The one-on-one interviews presented in How It Feels to Have a Gay or Lesbian Parent document first-hand the effects of homophobia on family life. Children struggle with the choice between living in a closet, shamed by peers and family members, or dealing with discrimination as a parent’s sexual orientation is used against them. Taken together, these stories make a statement for acceptance, understanding, and tolerance as children do their best to make the transition from a traditional family to a nontraditional lifestyle. “My mom is a normal person just like everyone else. The only thing that’s different about her is that she’s gay and if you can’t deal with it, you’re just going to have to live with it.” How It Feels to Have a Gay or Lesbian Parent: A Book by Kids for Kids of All Ages offers comfort and support to children from those who share their journey. The book is a valuable aid for practitioners working with children of GLBT parents and an educational tool for GLBT adults considering children.

Sometimes I fantasize about having a magic wand. How awesome it would be to wave it and completely eliminate prejudice, hate, and ignorance. Just imagine what it would be like to live in a world like that. How It Feels to Have a Gay or Lesbian Parent: A Book by Kids for Kids of All Ages gives voice to the thoughts, feelings, and experiences of children, adolescents, and young adults who have a gay or lesbian parent. In their own words, they talk openly and candidly about how and when they learned of their parent’s sexual orientation and the effect it had on them—and their families. Their stories echo themes of prejudice and harassment, conflict and confusion, adaptation and adjustment, and hope for tolerance and a family that can exist in harmony. “Because it’s an issue for other people, it becomes an issue for me. I’m angry about the way it works against me.” The stories told in How It Feels to Have a Gay or Lesbian Parent not only reflect the day-to-day struggle of children with a GLBT parent, they also reveal the pain inherent in high-conflict divorce and child custody cases. Children of gay/lesbian parents ranging in age from seven to 31 recall the confusion and grief created when the disclosure of their parent’s true sexual orientation ended a marriage and divided a family. The “straight” parent’s resentment can lead to angry remarks that—intentionally or unintentionally—disparage the gay/lesbian parent and threaten the natural love and affection the child feels for both. “I guess the hardest part about having a gay dad is that no matter how okay you are with it, there’s always going to be someone who will dislike you because of it.” The one-on-one interviews presented in How It Feels to Have a Gay or Lesbian Parent document first-hand the effects of homophobia on family life. Children struggle with the choice between living in a closet, shamed by peers and family members, or dealing with discrimination as a parent’s sexual orientation is used against them. Taken together, these stories make a statement for acceptance, understanding, and tolerance as children do their best to make the transition from a traditional family to a nontraditional lifestyle. “My mom is a normal person just like everyone else. The only thing that’s different about her is that she’s gay and if you can’t deal with it, you’re just going to have to live with it.” How It Feels to Have a Gay or Lesbian Parent: A Book by Kids for Kids of All Ages offers comfort and support to children from those who share their journey. The book is a valuable aid for practitioners working with children of GLBT parents and an educational tool for GLBT adults considering children.

What is it really like to grow up with gay parents? Abigail Garner was five years old when her mother and father divorced and her dad came out as gay. Growing up immersed in gay culture, she now calls herself a "culturally queer" heterosexual woman. As a child, she often found herself in the middle of the political and moral debates surrounding lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender (LGBT) parenting. At the age of twenty-two, she began to speak publicly about her family and has since become a nationally recognized advocate for the estimated 10 million children growing up with LGBT parents. The creator of FamiliesLikeMine.com, Garner has written a deeply personal and much-needed book about gay parenting, from the seldom-heard perspective of grown children raised in these families. Based on eight years of activism, combined with interviews with more than fifty sons and daughters, Families Like Mine debunks the anti-gay myth that these children grow up damaged and confused. At the same time, Garner's book refutes the popular pro-gay sentiment that these children turn out "just like everyone else." In addition to the typical stresses of growing up, the unique pressures these children face are not due to their parents' sexuality, but rather to homophobia and prejudice. Using a rich blend of journalism and memoir, Garner offers empathetic yet unapologetic opinions about the gifts and challenges of being raised in families that are often labeled "controversial." As more LGBT people are pursuing parenthood and as the visibility of gay parenting is rapidly increasing, many of the questions about these families focus on the "best interests" of their children. Eloquent and sophisticated, Families LikeMine addresses these questions, providing an invaluable insider's perspective for LGBT parents, their families, and their allies.

An advocate and son of same-gender parents recounts his famed address to the Iowa House of Representatives on civil unions, and describes his positive experiences of growing up in an alternative family in spite of prejudice.

Find sources of support for raising a nontraditional family in a straight world! The experience of parenting is commonly overlooked in psychological theory, and lesbians and gay men are not typically considered as parents or parents to be. Gay and Lesbian Parenting examines the psychological issues related to developing family and becoming parents for gay men and lesbians. Instead of pathologizing gay and lesbian families, it explores the emotional growth and development issues inherent in child-rearing. Traditionally, coming out as gay or lesbian meant abandoning any hope of becoming a parent or keeping your children if you already had them. But with the “gayby boom” in full swing, more and more gay and lesbian couples are having new babies, adopting children, and continuing to raise the offspring of previous heterosexual relationships. Although gay and lesbian parents still face unique challenges in building and rearing a family, as well as the usual problems heterosexual couples encounter, Gay and Lesbian Parenting unflinchingly examines these concerns and offers positive suggestions and ideas for dealing with the difficulties. This life-affirming book takes a look at the practical and emotional realities of raising children in nontraditional family structures, including: issues of kinship, shared motherhood, and possessiveness in lesbian couples legal issues entailed by the lack of marriage and legal kinship parenthood as a powerful force for personal growth and development fatherhood as a process of creating connectedness in the family, community, and place of worship original empirical research on the mental health of lesbians’children the history of the gay and lesbian movement as it relates to child-rearing Gay and Lesbian Parenting affirms the power of gay and lesbian couples to raise healthy, happy children and to change and grow through their experience of parenting. This book is also essential for mental health professionals from psychiatric nurses to psychiatrists who are working with the gay and lesbian community.

PAPERBACK ORIGINAL A stunning new photobook featuring more than fifty portraits of children brought up by gay parents in America, sixth in a groundbreaking series that looks at LGBTQ communities around the world Judges, academics, and activists keep wondering how children are impacted by having gay parents. Maybe it’s time to ask the kids. For the past four years, award-winning photographer Gabriela Herman, whose mother came out when Herman was in high school and was married in one of Massachusetts’ first legal same-sex unions, has been photographing and interviewing children and young adults with one or more parent who identify as lesbian, gay, trans, or queer. Building on images featured in a major article for the New York Times Sunday Review and The Guardian and working with the Colage organization, the only national organization focusing on children with LGBTQ parents, The Kids brings a vibrant energy and sensitivity to a wide range of experiences. Some of the children Herman photographed were adopted, some conceived by artificial insemination. Many are children of divorce. Some were raised in urban areas, other in the rural Midwest and all over the map. These parents and children juggled silence and solitude with a need to defend their families on the playground, at church, and at holiday gatherings. This is their story. The Kids was designed by Emerson, Wajdowicz Studios (EWS).

"Mom, Dad, I'm gay." When a parent hears these words, the initial shock is often followed by feelings ranging from anger and denial to fear and guilt. It's also the beginning of a difficult journey that, with understanding and emotional support, can lead to acceptance and beyond. Now fully revised and updated, Beyond Acceptance by co-authors Carolyn W. Griffin, Marian J. Wirth, and Arthur G. Wirth remains a ground-breaking book that provides parents the comfort and knowledge they need to accept the gay children and build stronger family relationships. Based on the experiences of other parents, this book lets them know they are not alone and helps them through the emotional stages leading to reconciliation with their children.