If Only You Could Have Missed Me

My whole life I looked for you and dreamed of you but you never appeared, and when I finally found you, it was too late, you had gone. This story is for your family. My family. Our family.

'I can't remember what it was like being born, but from what they used to tell me it seemed almost as if everything had been fine up to that point.' Standing in her family's two-bedroom flat in the Promised Land, a little girl realizes that once again she won't be getting a cat for her birthday. She's been wanting one ever since she was five – all the way back to when they were living in the refugee camp. In the East, her Grandma made cakes and kept rabbits; now there is no baking, no pets and certainly no Grandma. West Germany in the early 1960s is a difficult place for a seven-year-old East German refugee, particularly when no one will listen to you. Why Peirene chose to publish this book: Today, as in the past, people flee from one country to another in the hope of finding a better future. But how do children experience such displacement? How do they cope with traumas of a refugee camp? In this novel Birgit Vanderbeke goes back to her own childhood in the divided Germany of the 1960s. She shows how the little girl she once was saved herself by imagining countries on the far side of the world. A masterpiece of memory turned into fiction. 'A hauntingly brilliant evocation of childhood.' Jackie Law, Never Imitate 'A graceful, feather-light novel whose true weight is revealed only gradually.' MDK Kultur

(Spring 2010) Local parents warned about priests and nuns who gang rape and prostitute kids, tweens & teens in directory of clergy perps & pervs in your neighborhood. i missed me after the terror, during the years of unbearable sorrow: trafficking the holy Spirit includes oral journalism of adults raped as kids and a parental directory of priests and nuns who gang rape and prostitute kids, tweens and teens. Book asks Angela Merkel, Michele Obama, Nancy Pelosi, Alessandra Mussolini and Oprah Winfrey to help remove state, federal, civil and criminal statutes of limitation for sexual assault of kids, tweens and teens. Author says, “To protect families we must remove civil, criminal, state & federal statutes of limitation for sexual assault of children by showing parents and legislators cliches of ‘child abuse’ mask violent serial sexual assault and child, tween and teen suicide. The book documents only a few U.S. priests and nuns rape children under 12, serially rape children under 11, gang rape children under 10, sodomize kids under 9, give kids AIDS, get 11 year olds pregnant, abort children and teenagers, ritually abuse kids, sexually assault kids, torture kids, prostitute and murder kids, and abandon their illegitimate children borne of kids they raped ... all at the same 1.5% percentile as perps & pervs in society: of one million Catholic priests worldwide, only 15,000 sexually assault kids and teens; of ten million nuns, only 150,000 are perps & pervs. An appendix, Where are the Children of Table 34?, exposes a study of the ‘scientifically established’ orgasm rates of infants, toddlers, preschool children, kids, tweens and teens cited in proponing today's standards of sex education in the classroom for kids too young to be exposed to sex education and helped set statutes of limitation for rape of women (there had been none) and the shift from rapists being guilty to women having to prove they didn't want to be raped. It likely influenced setting statutes of limitation for clergy crimes of sexual assault of kids, tweens and teens. It has come to light ‘scientists using stopwatches’ to document ‘scientific studies’ – now used to justify premature sexual education of elementary school-aged kids, were conducted by child rapists and child murderers. That is one reason statutes should be removed, or extended to the life of the child, or ‘windowed’, since the ‘objective studies’ were done by perps and pervs. Another reason is, the psychiatric record establishes kids, tweens and teens sexually abused often commit suicide or repress the events for 20-30 years in order to not go crazy. They consequently make bad choices and live sad lives that never would have been, if they had not been sexually molested, assaulted, raped, serially raped, gang raped, prostituted and/or ritually abused. ABOUT THE AUTHOR & THE PHOTOGRAPHER Allen first published at 9 yrs old. Old Rails’ Tales reviewed by NYT as one of best books of year. Books include: Storytellin’ Muni Drivers; and A Noah’s Ark of Recurring Celebration: San Francisco Annual Event History. Tanna Baumgardner, Digital Faerie Photography www.digifaephotography.com dredged vintage baby doll (on book’s cover) from river in North Carolina.

“Heartfelt, deeply moving.” —Buzzfeed “Dark and thought-provoking.” —Publishers Weekly “A stunning debut.” —VOYA A poignant, lyrical debut novel about twins who navigate first love, their Jewish identity, and shocking results from a genetic test that determines their fate—whether they inherited their mother’s Huntington’s disease. Eighteen-year-old twins Adina and Tovah have little in common besides their ambitious nature. Viola prodigy Adina yearns to become a soloist—and to convince her music teacher he wants her the way she wants him. Overachiever Tovah awaits her acceptance to Johns Hopkins, the first step on her path toward med school and a career as a surgeon. But one thing could wreck their carefully planned futures: a genetic test for Huntington’s, a rare degenerative disease that slowly steals control of the body and mind. It’s turned their Israeli mother into a near stranger and fractured the sisters’ own bond in ways they’ll never admit. While Tovah finds comfort in their Jewish religion, Adina rebels against its rules. When the results come in, one twin tests negative for Huntington’s. The other tests positive. These opposite outcomes push them farther apart as they wrestle with guilt, betrayal, and the unexpected thrill of first love. How can they repair their relationship, and is it even worth saving? From debut author Rachel Lynn Solomon comes a luminous, heartbreaking tale of life, death, and the fragile bond between sisters.

When her past comes back to haunt her, a Baltimore prosecutor must turn to an FBI agent in order to save her kidnapped son in this heart-stopping novel from New York Times bestselling author Karen Rose. Baltimore prosecutor Daphne Montgomery pulled herself out of a damaged past to build a solid life for herself and her son. But after she helps to convict a killer, her confidence is shattered once again by the news that her son has been kidnapped. Daphne believes it’s connected to the recent high-profile trial, and at first FBI special agent Joseph Carter agrees. But together they find the reality to be even more troubling, and it runs deeper than Daphne fears. With her son’s life in jeopardy, she must unlock a dreadful secret about her past—and confront a truth that will change everything for those closest to her. And, if she survives, threaten the lives of everyone she loves.

A woman worries her teenage nephew may be a monstrous killer in this thriller by New York Times–bestselling author of No One Needs to Know. No Forgiveness Andrea Boyle moved to Seattle to give her seventeen-year-old nephew, Spencer, a fresh start after the death of his parents. Andrea has found her own new beginning with Luke, a successful playwright and father of a teenage son, Damon. The boys appear to have little in common, but in truth they share a private torment . . . No Remorse When a tragedy befalls Damon, it’s just the beginning of a nightmare that unfolds. But the worst is yet to come once a dark secret from Spencer’s past is exposed. And when Luke is brutally attacked, both of their futures are at stake. No Second Chance Now it’s up to Andrea to prove Spencer’s innocence to the police—and to herself. Because for reasons she has revealed to no one, even Andrea can’t help questioning the truth—and fearing that she may be next to pay the ultimate price . . . Praise for You’ll Miss Me When I’m Gone “You’ll Miss Me When I’m Gone has a fast-moving plot that helps maintain its high level of suspense and surprise.” —Bookreporter

William McKnight was a member of the Seventh Ohio Volunteer Cavalry from September 1862 until his death in June of 1864. During his time of service, McKnight penned dozens of emotion-filled letters, primarily to his wife, Samaria, revealing the struggles of an entire family both before and during the war. This collection of more than one hundred letters provides in-depth accounts of several battles in Kentucky and Tennessee, such as the Cumberland Gap and Knoxville campaigns that were pivotal events in the Western Theater. The letters also vividly respond to General John Hunt Morgan’s raid through Ohio and correct claims previously published that McKnight was part of the forces chasing Morgan. By all accounts Morgan did stay for a period of time at McKnight’s home in Langsville during his raid through Ohio, much to McKnight’s horror and humiliation, but McKnight was in Kentucky at the time. Tragically, McKnight was killed in action nearly a year later during an engagement with Morgan’s men near Cynthiana, Kentucky.