No Country For Old Gnomes

Go big or go gnome. The New York Times bestselling authors of Kill the Farm Boy welcome you to the world of Pell, the irreverent fantasy universe that recalls Monty Python and Terry Pratchett. “A complete delight, as fluffy and fun as The Lego Movie and as heartfelt as Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone.”—Locus War is coming, and it’s gonna be Pell. On one side stand the gnomes: smol, cheerful, possessing tidy cardigans and no taste for cruelty. On the other side sit the halflings, proudly astride their war alpacas, carrying bags of grenades and hungry for a fight. And pretty much anything else. It takes only one halfling bomb and Offi Numminen’s world is turned upside down—or downside up, really, since he lives in a hole in the ground. His goth cardigans and aggressive melancholy set him apart from the other gnomes, as does his decision to fight back against their halfling oppressors. Suddenly Offi is the leader of a band of lovable misfits and outcasts—from a gryphon who would literally kill for omelets to a young dwarf herbalist who is better with bees than with his cudgel to an assertive and cheerful teen witch with a beard as long as her book of curses—all on a journey to the Toot Towers to confront the dastardly villain intent on tearing Pell asunder. These adventurers never fit in anywhere else, but as they become friends, fight mermaids, and get really angry at this one raccoon, they learn that there’s nothing more heroic than being yourself. In No Country for Old Gnomes, Delilah S. Dawson and Kevin Hearne lovingly tweak the tropes of fantasy and fairy tales. Here you’ll find goofy jokes and whimsical puns, but you’ll also find a diverse, feminist, and lighthearted approach to fantasy that will bring a smile to your face and many fine cheeses to your plate.

In an irreverent series in the tradition of Monty Python, the bestselling authors of the Iron Druid Chronicles and Star Wars: Phasma reinvent fantasy, fairy tales, and floridly written feast scenes. “Ranks among the best of Christopher Moore and Terry Pratchett.”—Chuck Wendig “When you put two authors of this high caliber together, expect fireworks. Or at least laughs. What a hoot!”—Terry Brooks Once upon a time, in a faraway kingdom, a hero, the Chosen One, was born . . . and so begins every fairy tale ever told. This is not that fairy tale. There is a Chosen One, but he is unlike any One who has ever been Chosened. And there is a faraway kingdom, but you have never been to a magical world quite like the land of Pell. There, a plucky farm boy will find more than he’s bargained for on his quest to awaken the sleeping princess in her cursed tower. First there’s the Dark Lord, who wishes for the boy’s untimely death . . . and also very fine cheese. Then there’s a bard without a song in her heart but with a very adorable and fuzzy tail, an assassin who fears not the night but is terrified of chickens, and a mighty fighter more frightened of her sword than of her chain-mail bikini. This journey will lead to sinister umlauts, a trash-talking goat, the Dread Necromancer Steve, and a strange and wondrous journey to the most peculiar “happily ever after” that ever once-upon-a-timed. Praise for Kill the Farm Boy “A rollicking fantasy adventure that upends numerous genre tropes in audacious style . . . a laugh-out-loud-funny fusion of Monty Python–esque humor and whimsy à la Terry Pratchett’s Discworld.”—Kirkus Reviews “Dawson and Hearne’s reimagining of a traditional fairy tale is reminiscent of William Goldman’s The Princess Bride and William Steig’s Shrek! Irreverent, funny, and full of entertaining wordplay, this will keep readers guessing until the end.”—Library Journal “Will have you laughing out loud until strangers begin to look at you oddly.”—SyFy “A smart comedy . . . nuanced, complicated, and human.”—Tordotcom “[Delilah Dawson and Kevin Hearne] make fun of the typical ‘white male power fantasies,’ and in that, they succeed, with their heroes all characters of color and/or falling somewhere under the LGBTQ umbrella.”—Publishers Weekly

This princess can shave herself! The hilarious bestselling authors of Kill the Farm Boy and No Country for Old Gnomes are back with a new adventure in the irreverent world of Pell. Once upon a time, a princess slept in a magical tower cloaked in thorns and roses. When she woke, she found no Prince Charming, only a surfeit of hair and grotesquely long fingernails—which was, honestly, better than some creep who acted without consent. She cut off her long braids and used them to escape. But she kept the beard because it made a great disguise. This is not a story about finding true love’s kiss—it's a story about finding yourself. On a pirate ship. Where you belong. But these are no ordinary pirates aboard The Puffy Peach, serving under Filthy Lucre, the one-eyed parrot pirate captain. First there’s Vic, a swole and misogynistic centaur on a mission to expunge himself of the magic that causes him to conjure tea and dainty cupcakes in response to stress. Then there’s Tempest, who’s determined to become the first dryad lawyer—preferably before she takes her ultimate form as a man-eating tree. They’re joined by Alobartalus, an awkward and unelfly elf who longs to meet his hero, the Sn’archivist who is said to take dictation directly from the gods of Pell. Throw in some mystery meat and a dastardly capitalist plot, and you’ve got one Pell of an adventure on the high seas! In this new escapade set in the magical land of Pell, Delilah S. Dawson and Kevin Hearne lovingly skewer the tropes of fairy tales and create a new kind of fantasy: generous, gently humorous, and inclusive. There might also be otters.

This princess can shave herself! The hilarious bestselling authors of Kill the Farm Boy and No Country for Old Gnomes are back with a new adventure in the irreverent world of Pell. Once upon a time, a princess slept in a magical tower cloaked in thorns and roses. When she woke, she found no Prince Charming, only a surfeit of hair and grotesquely long fingernails—which was, honestly, better than some creep who acted without consent. She cut off her long braids and used them to escape. But she kept the beard because it made a great disguise. This is not a story about finding true love’s kiss—it's a story about finding yourself. On a pirate ship. Where you belong. But these are no ordinary pirates aboard The Puffy Peach, serving under Filthy Lucre, the one-eyed parrot pirate captain. First there’s Vic, a swole and misogynistic centaur on a mission to expunge himself of the magic that causes him to conjure tea and dainty cupcakes in response to stress. Then there’s Tempest, who’s determined to become the first dryad lawyer—preferably before she takes her ultimate form as a man-eating tree. They’re joined by Alobartalus, an awkward and unelfly elf who longs to meet his hero, the Sn’archivist who is said to take dictation directly from the gods of Pell. Throw in some mystery meat and a dastardly capitalist plot, and you’ve got one Pell of an adventure on the high seas! In this new escapade set in the magical land of Pell, Delilah S. Dawson and Kevin Hearne lovingly skewer the tropes of fairy tales and create a new kind of fantasy: generous, gently humorous, and inclusive. There might also be otters.

The Mob Squad must outwit a mysterious new enemy as they journey across the Overworld of Minecraft in this official novel! The Mob Squad are the greatest heroes the town of Cornucopia has produced since it was founded: Mal the bold, Lenna the strong, Tok the wise, and Chug the steadfast. And Jarro, who’s renounced his bullying ways to reveal a truly kind heart. Together they’ve journeyed across the Overworld, delved into the Nether, and saved the day for Cornucopia again and again. So why can’t they get any respect from the adults who run the town? The only one who understands is Nan, Mal’s great-great-great-grandmother, who trained them to be as resourceful and adventurous as she was in her day. So when Nan gets sick and isn’t getting any better, the kids refuse to just sit by and do nothing. There’s something out there that can help her—an enchanted golden apple that can cure just about anything. And the Mob Squad will stop at nothing to get it. But as they venture outside the walls of Cornucopia, they aren’t counting on being followed. The kids soon discover a mysterious foe whose motives are as unknown as the face they hide behind a creeper’s head. If the Mob Squad wants to rescue Nan, they’re going to have to save themselves first.

When the Jedi Order falls, an Inquisitor rises. Padawan Iskat Akaris has dedicated her life to traveling the galaxy alongside her master, learning the ways of the Force to become a good Jedi. Despite Iskat’s dedication, peace and control have remained elusive, and with each setback, she feels her fellow Jedi grow more distrustful of her. Already uncertain about her future in the Jedi Order, Iskat faces tragedy when her master is killed and the Clone Wars engulf the galaxy in chaos. Now a general on the front lines contributing to that chaos, she is often reminded: Trust in your training. Trust in the wisdom of the Council. Trust in the Force. Yet as the shadows of doubt take hold, Iskat begins to ask questions that no Jedi is supposed to ask. Questions about her own unknown past. Questions the Jedi Masters would consider dangerous. As the years pass and the war endures, Iskat’s faith in the Jedi wanes. If they would grant her more freedom, she is certain she could do more to protect the galaxy. If they would trust her with more knowledge, she could finally cast aside the shadows that have begun to consume her. When the Jedi Order finally falls, Iskat seizes the chance to forge a path of her own. She embraces the salvation of Order 66. As an Inquisitor, Iskat finds the freedom she has always craved: to question, to want. And with each strike of her red blade, Iskat moves closer to claiming her new destiny in the Force—whatever the cost.

In the third novel in the New York Times bestselling Iron Druid Chronicles, two-thousand year-old Druid Atticus O’Sullivan must take down the Norse god of thunder himself. “A page-turning and often laugh-out-loud-funny caper through a mix of the modern and the mythic.”—Ari Marmell, author of The Warlord’s Legacy When the naysayers say, “Nay, don’t mess with the man who wields the lightning bolts,” ninety-nine times out of a hundred, the ancient Druid Atticus O’Sullivan would nod along and agree. But when multiple people convince him that Thor, the Norse god of thunder, needs to get got, he thinks maybe this is the one time he should ignore the advice of the wise—even if those sages include deities who tend not to be wrong about very much. Because Thor has undeniably done somebody wrong—many somebodies, in fact, and Atticus doesn’t think he can simply dismiss it as someone else’s problem. Plus he has made promises that he doesn’t feel he can break, promises that will take him away from Midgard to the planes of the Norse, where his actions will create ripples throughout the nine realms. On top of that there’s a turf war brewing amongst the vampires, a zealous group of mystic hunters called the Hammers of God running rampant, and a pack of werewolves who very much don’t wish to see their leader taken off to Valhalla. In order to avoid being the nail underneath the hammer Mjöllnir, Atticus will need every ounce of Irish luck he can muster, and maybe the help of a few deities in his corner. Don’t miss any of The Iron Druid Chronicles: HOUNDED | HEXED | HAMMERED | TRICKED | TRAPPED | HUNTED | SHATTERED | STAKED | SCOURGED | BESIEGED

Come with the Mob Squad on an amazing adventure through the Overworld in this official Minecraft novel! The village of Cornucopia is practically perfect in every way. Plenty of food, cozy homes, and a huge wall to keep everyone safe from the scary world outside. What more could a kid possibly need? Well, a lot, actually. Mal, a fearless girl, needs adventure, and her friends are right there with her: Lenna, a dreamer whose family underestimates her every day. Tok and Chug, brothers who love to build stuff (Tok) and smash stuff (Chug). They’re best friends, and in a town whose grown-ups value safety over bravery and fitting in over standing out, they’re the bad apples. But when a mysterious mob sneaks past Cornucopia’s defenses, the village is in huge trouble. And nobody knows what to do. Finally faced with the adventure she’s always wanted, Mal and her friends defy the rules their elders have always followed and set out beyond the wall for the first time. On their journey across the Overworld, they discover wonders they’ve never dreamed of and dangers they’ve never imagined. To save the day, they’ll have to prove they’re more than bad apples. They’re the Mob Squad!