On Forgiveness

'A practical guide by the man Time magazine has called “the forgiveness trailblazer.” While it may seem like a simple enough act, forgiveness is a difficult, delicate process which, if executed correctly, can be profoundly moving and a deep learning experience. Whatever the scenario may be—whether you need to make peace with a certain situation, with a loved one or friend, or with a total stranger—the process of forgiveness is an art and a science, and this hands-on guide walks readers through it in 8 key steps. How can we become forgivingly “fit”? How can we identify the source of our pain and inner turmoil? How can we find meaning in what we have suffered, or learn to forgive ourselves? What should we do when forgiveness feels like a particularly tall order? All these questions and more are answered in this practical book, leading us to become more tolerant, compassionate, and hopeful human beings.

Archbishop Desmond Tutu, Nobel Peace Prize winner, Chair of The Elders, and Chair of South Africa’s Truth and Reconciliation Commission, along with his daughter, the Reverend Mpho Tutu, offer a manual on the art of forgiveness—helping us to realize that we are all capable of healing and transformation. Tutu's role as the Chair of the Truth and Reconciliation Commission taught him much about forgiveness. If you asked anyone what they thought was going to happen to South Africa after apartheid, almost universally it was predicted that the country would be devastated by a comprehensive bloodbath. Yet, instead of revenge and retribution, this new nation chose to tread the difficult path of confession, forgiveness, and reconciliation. Each of us has a deep need to forgive and to be forgiven. After much reflection on the process of forgiveness, Tutu has seen that there are four important steps to healing: Admitting the wrong and acknowledging the harm; Telling one's story and witnessing the anguish; Asking for forgiveness and granting forgiveness; and renewing or releasing the relationship. Forgiveness is hard work. Sometimes it even feels like an impossible task. But it is only through walking this fourfold path that Tutu says we can free ourselves of the endless and unyielding cycle of pain and retribution. The Book of Forgiving is both a touchstone and a tool, offering Tutu's wise advice and showing the way to experience forgiveness. Ultimately, forgiving is the only means we have to heal ourselves and our aching world.

In Practicing Forgiveness, the author reviews the contextual and cultural aspects of forgiveness with stories, humor, clinical examples, research, and empirical findings while examining the influence of environment and religion. The content is presented in such a way so as to serve as a resource to both professional mental health providers (who can benefit from the theoretical and empirical underpinnings of working with clients through the forgivenessprocess) and lay readers (who can benefit from the processing and self-help components of the book).

#1 NATIONAL BESTSELLER When the Second World War broke out, Ralph MacLean chose to escape his troubled life on the Magdalen Islands in eastern Canada and volunteer to serve his country overseas. Meanwhile, in Vancouver, Mitsue Sakamoto saw her family and her stable community torn apart after the Japanese attack on Pearl Harbor. Like many young Canadian soldiers, Ralph was captured by the Japanese army. He would spend the war in prison camps, enduring pestilence, beatings and starvation, as well as a journey by hell ship to Japan to perform slave labour, while around him his friends and countrymen perished. Back in Canada, Mitsue and her family were expelled from their home by the government and forced to spend years eking out an existence in rural Alberta, working other people's land for a dollar a day. By the end of the war, Ralph emerged broken but a survivor. Mitsue, worn down by years of back-breaking labour, had to start all over again in Medicine Hat, Alberta. A generation later, at a high school dance, Ralph's daughter and Mitsue's son fell in love. Although the war toyed with Ralph's and Mitsue's lives and threatened to erase their humanity, these two brave individuals somehow surmounted enormous transgressions and learned to forgive. Without this forgiveness, their grandson Mark Sakamoto would never have come to be.

Gary Inrig brings wonderful breadth, depth, and balance to a very difficult subject: forgiveness. As one 83-year-old theologian, Rev. Herb VanderLugt, says, "This is the best book on the subject I have ever read." Whether it's living forgiven, learning to forgive, what to do when an offender refuses to request forgiveness, whether we're asking, giving, or waiting for forgiveness, this book covers the subject with Inrig's on-the-mark illustrations and solid biblical teaching. It is impossible to exaggerate the importance of the subject of forgiveness to the Christian faith. If the Bible makes it clear that Christians are forgiven people, it also makes it clear that we are to be forgiving people. How and when do we do that? What does it look like?

By demonstrating how forgiveness, approached in the correct manner, benefits the forgiver far more than the forgiven this self-help book benefits people who have been deeply hurt by another and caught in a vortex of anger, depression, and resentment.

In our culture the belief that "To err is human, to forgive divine," is so prevalent that few of us question its wisdom. But do we ever completely forgive those who have betrayed us? Aren't some actions unforgivable? Can we achieve closure and healing without forgiving? Drawing on more than two decades of work as a practicing psychotherapist, more than fifty indepth interviews, and sterling research into the concept of forgiveness in our society, Dr. Jeanne Safer challenges popular opinion with her own searching answers to these and other questions. The result is a penetrating look at what is often a lonely, and perhaps unnecessary, struggle to forgive those who have hurt us the most and an illuminating examination of how to determine whether forgiveness is, indeed, the best path to take--and why, often, it is not.

"If your enemies are starving, feed them some bread; if they are thirsty, give them water to drink." Proverbs 24:17 (CEB) There is nothing more crippling than holding on to anger. Anger, more than any other emotion, has the power to consume all aspects of our lives, distort our sense of purpose, and destroy our relationship with God. In the passionate and life-changing book Forgiveness: Finding Peace Though Letting Go, bestselling author Adam Hamilton brings the same insight that he applied in the bestseller "Why?" to the challenge of forgiveness. Hamilton argues that revelation comes when we realize that forgiveness is a gift we give ourselves rather than to someone else. He also contends that only when we learn to forgive others and ourselves can we truly receive forgiveness from God. “Adam Hamilton not only reminds us about the importance of reconnecting the broken pieces of our lives, but shows how the process of grace and forgiveness is possibly our most complete picture of God.” --Shane Stanford, author of Making Life Matter: Embracing the Joy in the Everyday “The heartbeat of the gospel is grace. With practical insight, Hamilton makes grace understandable--both for seeking and for granting forgiveness. I highly recommend this book.” --Melody Carlson, author of Healing Waters: A Bible Study on Forgiveness, Grace, and Second Chances “Adam Hamilton’s book offers clear guidance for believers struggling with the practical application of our biblical imperative to forgive. It is a must-read for both Christian counselors and every person who has something or someone to forgive.” --Jennifer Cisney Ellers, author of The First 48 Hours: Spiritual Caregivers as First Responders "Deeply rooted in the Bible’s testimony about God’s extravagant mercy, this fine little book explores the Christian call to practice both repentance and forgiveness in the image of God. Straightforward and practical, Hamilton vividly sketches the habits of the heart that discipleship requires in our daily relationships with spouses and intimate life partners, family members, friends and strangers." --Patricia Beattie Jung, Professor of Christian Ethics, Saint Paul School of Theology