Retail Hell

From Act I: "I think you left these behind," I said, handing them to her. This happens all the time when women try to return bags they've used. Tampons, lipstick, coins, Tic Tacs, and condoms are the top treasures found. "Greasy" let out a sigh as if I were the problem. "I really don't see what the problem is here. It's none of your business what I keep in my handbag." It is when my commission is at stake! I'm not your Designer Handbag Rental Service! My name is not BagBorrowOrSteal.com! This is a place Freeman Hall, a twenty-year veteran "on the floor," knows well. While delivering side-splitting stories alongside brutally cynical commentary, Freeman recounts his most shocking experiences in Retail Hell. From the time he was attacked by a customer's four-year-old, who grabbed onto his leg like a poodle and wouldn't let go, to the day he found the fitting room walls covered in s**t, Freeman has seen and heard (smelled and felt) it all! Horrifying and hilarious, this behind-the-scenes look at what really goes on at the Big Fancy Stores is rollicking, ready-to-wear wisdom for readers everywhere.

There is no wrath like a Hellspawn scorned . . . They scream. They cry. And they’re worse then just miniature versions of their entitled, rude, and too-often crazy parents. They’re Hellspawn. These child terrors didn’t get their name for being cute. They have ransacked stores, turned on their parents, and tried to get employees fired. And the retail slaves that suffer their tantrums are tired of keeping quiet. In these 43 hilarious-and-true stories from RetailHellUnderground.com bloggers, little monsters like Pee Boy, Pony Girl, and the Little Ice Cream Devils give kids everywhere a bad name. But when Mouthy gets his smart-alecky due and the Screamer is offered an exorcism, you’ll find yourself rooting for the Underground heroes in no time!

There is a modest but growing body of scholarly literature on experiences of retail work, with only a handful of studies existing on retail organizing. Before Revolutionizing Retail, no scholar had captured or analysed the breadth of political action being pursued in this crucial economic sector. This book was awarded the Canadian Association for Work and Labour Studies 2015 Book Prize.

Bigger, Fancier, and more cutthorat than ever! When Freeman Hall left The Big Fancy to pursue his screenwriting dreams, he thought the horrors of working in a handbag department were finally over. But instead of fame and fortune, he found himself stuck behind a wall of script-killing rewrites, unable to make a living. In Return to the Big Fancy, Freeman shares his wildly entertaining journey back through the fiery gates of Retail Hell. He thought he had seen it all in his day, but with the bar set higher than ever before, employees are now graciously bowing before Corporate as they climb over fellow salespeople, and even friends, to earn enough transactions and commissions to actually survive. As he learns more of the wretchedness that has befallen the sales floor, he realizes that The Big Fancy has its customers and its employees on a short leash. But leave it to Freeman and the threat of disappearing commissions to rally the retail slaves and show Corporate who's really in charge!

One woman's midcareer misadventures in the absurd world of American retail. After losing her job as a journalist and the security of a good salary, Caitlin Kelly was hard up for cash. When she saw that The North Face-an upscale outdoor clothing company-was hiring at her local mall, she went for an interview almost on a whim. Suddenly she found herself, middle-aged and mid-career, thrown headfirst into the bizarre alternate reality of the American mall: a world of low-wage workers selling overpriced goods to well-to-do customers. At first, Kelly found her part-time job fun and reaffirming, a way to maintain her sanity and sense of self-worth. But she describes how the unexpected physical pressures, the unreasonable dictates of a remote corporate bureaucracy, and the dead-end career path eventually took their toll. As she struggled through more than two years at the mall, despite surgeries, customer abuse, and corporate inanity, Kelly gained a deeper understanding of the plight of the retail worker. In the tradition of Nickel and Dimed, Malled challenges our assumptions about the world of retail, documenting one woman's struggle to find meaningful work in a broken system.

Backstabbers and Slackers and Mismanagers, Oh My! On the battlefields of retail hell, sometimes your “allies” turn out to be your worst enemies . . . When managers can’t run their stores and when coworkers refuse to actually work, shifts in retail go from bad to hellish and fast. There’s no one to turn to when the customers get mean, and there’s no one in to play defense when patrons complain. In these 28 hilarious-but-true stories, RetailHellUnderground.com bloggers pick their bones with the worst coworkers in memory - from lunch-stealing liars to power-hungry managers to snide corporate reps and more! It’s time these retail slaves - and even the customers - gave them what they really deserve!

Greedy Grabbers, Privileged Pinchers, Shady Scammers, and More! Whether they’re swiping merchandise or conning cashiers, Nasty Ass Thieves (NATs) can be retail’s worst nightmare. Do they honestly think they can return merchandise they didn’t buy? Or muscle their way out of a private chat with Loss Prevention? Or short-change drawers every time they shop? Apparently they do - or there wouldn’t be these 36 hilarious-and-true stories from RetailHellUnderground.com bloggers about NAT run-ins of every shape and size. From food scammers to hulking shoplifters to the unthinkable tale of “Paint and Poo,” these stories will make you look - and laugh - a little harder at your fellow customer.

These Discount Rats want more than sales To Discount Rats, the world should be free . . . and retail slaves are to blame when it isn’t. These crazy customers show up with purses full of coupons and intend to leave with enough swag to impress a thief. They’ll negotiate, scream, complain, and threaten - so long as the sale is in sight! These 33 hilarious-and-true stories of penny-pinchers and stingy shoppers are straight from the bloggers of RetailHellUnderground - and boy do they have some history with these misers! From the Meal Voucher Rat who needs an amusement park escort to find the right restaurant to the Credit Rat who gets a black mark in the customer database, these denied bargain hunters will have you in stitches!