Sidesplitters It S A Gas

Why did the alien take a bath? So he could make a clean getaway! Why are giraffes pleased they have such long necks? Because their feet smell awful! What do you get if you eat baked beans and onions? Tear gas!

This book is full of the stinkiest, smelliest jokes around. These disgusting jokes are so gross they will make you laugh until you feel sick! A belch is just a gust of wind That cometh from the heart But should it take the downward route It turns into a fart. How do you deal with a gas leak? Send the person out of the room and open the window. Son: Mommy, can I lick the bowl? Mom: No! Flush like everyone else.

A mammoth illustrated collection of more than 125 funny songs, mostly in the folk tradition, interlaced with a multitude of parodies, jokes, recitations and sayings collected by the author over a lifetime of performing. Each song has complete lyrics, melody line and suggested accompaniment chords. Included are Take My Bridgework Back to Mother, Send Me to Glory In a Glad Bag, the Housewife's Lament and the Piddling Pup. the reading Why She Didn't Become a Baptist leaves even church groups roaring in laughter.More fun rib-ticklers include the Limerick Song (suitable for general audiences), Little Willie verses and the parody My Grandfather's Feet Were Too Strong for His Shoes. A choice collection of photos and vintage illustrations add the final touch for the enjoyment of this top-notch collection.• More than 125 funny songs - lyrics, tunes, and suggested accompaniment chords.• Plus rib-tickling parodies, jokes, readings and sayings.• Embellished with vintage photos and illustrations.

Folksy and fresh, endearing and affecting, Fried Green Tomatoes at the Whistle Stop Cafe is a now-classic novel about two women: Evelyn, who’s in the sad slump of middle age, and gray-headed Mrs. Threadgoode, who’s telling her life story. Her tale includes two more women—the irrepressibly daredevilish tomboy Idgie and her friend Ruth—who back in the thirties ran a little place in Whistle Stop, Alabama, offering good coffee, southern barbecue, and all kinds of love and laughter—even an occasional murder. And as the past unfolds, the present will never be quite the same again. Praise for Fried Green Tomatoes at the Whistle Stop Cafe “A real novel and a good one [from] the busy brain of a born storyteller.”—The New York Times “Happily for us, Fannie Flagg has preserved [the Threadgoodes] in a richly comic, poignant narrative that records the exuberance of their lives, the sadness of their departure.”—Harper Lee “This whole literary enterprise shines with honesty, gallantry, and love of perfect details that might otherwise be forgotten.”—Los Angeles Times “Funny and macabre.”—The Washington Post “Courageous and wise.”—Houston Chronicle

The Glamour.com columnist and MTV reality star presents a series of essays chronicling her offbeat misadventures of searching for love and fame in New York City, efforts that involved impromptu meetings with ex-boyfriends, spilled spinach dip and a bacon theft. Original.