The New Don T Blame Mother

First Published in 2000. Routledge is an imprint of Taylor & Francis, an informa company.

A nationally recognized expert on the psychology of women shows how the angerand agony of the mother-daughter relationship can be replaced with a new bondbased on understanding and respect.

In this collection of her finest and best-known short essays, Natalia Ginzburg explores both the mundane details and inescapable catastrophes of personal life with the grace and wit that have assured her rightful place in the pantheon of classic mid-century authors. Whether she writes of the loss of a friend, Cesare Pavese; or what is inexpugnable of World War II; or the Abruzzi, where she and her first husband lived in forced residence under Fascist rule; or the importance of silence in our society; or her vocation as a writer; or even a pair of worn-out shoes, Ginzburg brings to her reflections the wisdom of a survivor and the spare, wry, and poetically resonant style her readers have come to recognize. "A glowing light of modern Italian literature . . . Ginzburg's magic is the utter simplicity of her prose, suddenly illuminated by one word that makes a lightning streak of a plain phrase. . . . As direct and clean as if it were carved in stone, it yet speaks thoughts of the heart.' — The New York Times Book Review

Read Larry Winget's posts on the Penguin Blog. Straight-talking, bestselling Pitbull of Parenting Larry Winget says "This is not a fix your kid book. It's a fix the way you parent book. You owe it to your kids to parent with a plan!" Being a parent is the toughest job in the world, especially with the increasing number of negative influences and pitfalls facing our kids today, from childhood obesity and out-of-control celebrity culture to the dangers of the internet and credit card debt. Larry Winget has never been one to shy away from tough truths, and what he says here may well be difficult for some parents to swallow: we are in the midst of a crisis with our kids. Kids today are over-indulged, over-entertained, under-achieving, and under-disciplined, with a sense of entitlement that is crippling society. And the real problem is that parents aren't paying attention to what's going on. If they were they would realize that most kids today barely read and write, except with their thumbs on their cell phones! Well-behaved, respectful kids are the exception, not the rule, and for the most part, parents are to blame. Responsible parenting is about beginning with the end in mind and parenting with a plan. But most parents have never stopped to consider what kind of adult they want to raise. They have all this fun creating a baby, but they don't have a plan for the end product. Larry's message to parents: Teach your kids to become the best adults they can be. But don't expect your kids to improve until you improve. Your Kids Are Your Own Fault covers familiar lessons and principles that have led Larry's readers to greater success with money, career, and goal setting, this time at a level where they can be taught to children. This book shows parents how to design the adult they want their kid to become and work backwards to make sure it happens. Kids don't come with an instruction manual, but finally being a parent does! Watch a Video

“A book of great value for every daughter and every mother; useful for sons, too.”—Benjamin Spock, M.D. From the Introduction: The goal of this book is to help readers achieve that separation so that they can either find a way to be friends with their mothers, or at least recognize and accept that their mothers did the best they could—even if it wasn't “good enough”—and to stop blaming them. Among the issues to be covered: • To understand how a daughter's attachment to her mother—more so than her relationship with her father—colors all her other relationships, and to analyze why it is more difficult for daughters than sons to separate from their mothers, as well as why daughters are more subject than sons to a mother's manipulation • To recognize the difference between a healthy and a destructive mother-daughter connection, and to define clearly the “bad mommy,” in order to help readers who have trouble acknowledging their childhood losses to begin to comprehend them • To conjugate what I call the “Bad Mommy Taboo”—why our culture is more eager to protect the sanctity of maternity than it is to protect emotionally abused daughters • To describe the evolution of the "unpleasable" mother—in all likelihood, she was bereft of maternal love as a child—and to recognize the huge, and often poignant, stake she has in keeping her grown daughter dependent and off-balance • To illustrate the consequent controlling behavior—in some cases, cloaked in fragility or good intentions—of such mothers, which falls into general patterns, including: the Doormat, the Critic, the Smotherer, the Avenger, the Deserter • To understand that the daughter has a similar stake in either being a slave to or hating her mother—the two sides of her depen dency and immaturity • To illustrate the responsive behavior—and survival mechanisms —of daughters, which is determined in part by such variables as birth rank, family history, and temperament, and which also falls into patterns, including: the Angel, the Superachiever, the Cipher, the Troublemaker, the Defector • To show how to redefine the mother-daughter relationship, so that each can learn to see and accept the other as she is today, appreciating each other's good qualities and not being snared by the bad • Finally, to demonstrate that a redefined relationship with one's mother—adult to adult—frees you from the past, whether that re definition ultimately results in real friendship, affectionate truce, or divorce.

Rosjke Hasseldine, an international expert on the mother-daughter relationship, provides a step-by-step guide on how to map your mother-daughter history, claim your voice, and enjoy an emotionally connected, mutually supportive mother-daughter bond.

I Don't Blame You is the story of losing a mother a mere two months before becoming a mother. It follows Ana through a year of going between her home in Portland and her mother's home base in New Jersey-as her mother battled cancer and as Ana grew a baby.

The inspiration for the film starring Tilda Swinton and John C. Reilly, this resonant story of a mother’s unsettling quest to understand her teenage son’s deadly violence, her own ambivalence toward motherhood, and the explosive link between them remains terrifyingly prescient. Eva never really wanted to be a mother. And certainly not the mother of a boy who murdered seven of his fellow high school students, a cafeteria worker, and a much–adored teacher in a school shooting two days before his sixteenth birthday. Neither nature nor nurture exclusively shapes a child's character. But Eva was always uneasy with the sacrifices and social demotion of motherhood. Did her internalized dislike for her own son shape him into the killer he’s become? How much is her fault? Now, two years later, it is time for her to come to terms with Kevin’s horrific rampage, all in a series of startlingly direct correspondences with her estranged husband, Franklin. A piercing, unforgettable, and penetrating exploration of violence and responsibility, a book that the Boston Globe describes as “impossible to put down,” is a stunning examination of how tragedy affects a town, a marriage, and a family.