You Can T Drink All Day If You Don T Start In The Morning

From the author of the bestselling classics We're Just Like You, Only Prettier, and Bless Your Heart, Tramp, comes a collection of essays so funny, you'll shoot co'cola out of your nose. Topics include such gems as: • Why Miss North Carolina is too nice to hate • How Gwyneth Paltrow wants to improve your pathetic life • Strapped for cash? Try cat whispering • Sex every night for a year? How do you wrap that? • Get yer Wassail on: It's carolin' time • Airlines serving up one hot mess • Action figure Jesus • Why Clay Aiken ain't marrying your glandular daughter • And much more! Complete with a treasure trove of Celia's genuine southern recipes, You Can't Drink All Day if You Don't Start in the Morning is sure to appeal to anyone who lives south of something.

Tyler Green has been having a rough time with his divorceso much that his best friend Matthew Mullen decides that they need to have a fun night out on the town. But things turn ugly when both he and Matt stumble across a woman that is dressed in all red killing three people in a most unusual way. Soon, Tyler is being hunted for what he saw, and he must find a way to stop the woman in red before he becomes the next victim.

Use this beer tasting journal to record your notes, ratings, pairings and more. Whether you're on a craft brewery tour, at a beer tasting party, or just at home pouring out a new growler this beer tasting notebook is a must have companion. 100 beer tasting sheets to guide your notetaking Includes a beer list index so you can easily reference your favorite beverages later 6x9 inch size provides ample space to take notes, while also being portable

From the bestselling, award-winning author of You Can't Drink All Day If You Don't Start In The Morning, comes another collection of hilarious observations that will resonate with women, mothers, and girlfriends everywhere In her newest wickedly irreverent humor collection, Celia Rivenbark cracks up while getting her downward facing dog on, pines for a world in which every mom gets to behave like Betty Draper and wonders why everybody's so excited about the Science Fair when there aren't even any rides. In it you'll find essays on such topics as: - Menopause Spurs Thoughts of Death and Turkey - I Dreamed a Dream That My Lashes Were Long - Twitter Woes: I've Got Plenty of Characters, Just No Character - Movie To-Do List: Cook Like Julia, Adopt Really Big Kid - Charlie Bit Your Finger? Good! And other thoughts on the virus that is YouTube And much more! For any woman who longs for the good old days when Jane Fonda in legwarmers was the only one who saw you exercise, YOU DON'T SWEAT MUCH FOR A FAT GIRL is comfort food in book form.

Facebook Quotes and Status Updates Volume 1 is the perfect read for lovers of quotes that are edgy, slightly "out there" and sometimes R-Rated. These are not your usual quotes! These quotes will have you laughing out loud, shaking your head or saying. "Oh, no, he (or she) didn't!" This book brims with quotes on a wide range of accessible topics. Who can't relate to quotes about love, marriage, or relationships? Since we all grow older and age, the chapter on aging is a goldmine for anyone facing a major age milestone or dreaded birthday. There is an entertaining chapter packed with alcohol and drinking quotes and a chapter filled with quotes on miscellaneous topics. For salty souls, the final chapter is relegated to R-Rated quotes. This is not your grandmother's quote book. That is, unless she drank, fell in love, aged, and cursed like a sailor!

The perfect way to spend an afternoon! When the occasion calls for a drink, but not getting drunk, mix up a batch of day drinks - creative, low-alcohol cocktails that are festive, delicious, and easy on the booze. Using beer, wine, cider, sake, sherry, and vermouth, plus a variety of amari and other liqueurs, here are 50 light drinks for hot days, warm drinks for cool days, and an abundance of classic - and reimagined - spritzers, sangrias, micheladas, and so much more.

"On the short drive to the preschool, I dutifully unwrap a NutriGrain bar and toss it into the back seat to my four-year-old. Sometimes I'll even unwrap one for myself. Studies have shown that it's very important for familes to eat together. . . . " Why couldn't the Sopranos survive living down South? Simple. You can't shoot a guy full of holes after eating chicken and pastry, spoon bread, okra, and tomatoes. What does a Southern woman consider grounds for divorce? When Daddy takes the kids out in public dressed in pajama tops and Tweety Bird swim socks. Again. What is the Southern woman's opinion of a new "fat virus" theory? Bring it on! We've got a lot of skinny friends we need to sneeze on. Want to become honest-to-Jesus white trash? Spend two weeks' salary on hair extensions and pancake makeup for your three-year-old so she can win a five-dollar trophy in the Wee Tiny Miss pageant and the adoration of, well, nobody much. What does the Southern woman think of Paul McCartney's marriage to a model thirty years younger? We're not surprised. Statistically speaking, it's almost impossible for billionaires to discover that their soulmates are fifty-five and restocking the shampoo end caps at Kmart. In this wickedly funny follow-up to her bestselling Bless Your Heart, Tramp, Celia Rivenbark welcomes you, once again, to the south she loves, the land of "Mama and them's," "precious and dahlin," and mommies who mow. Ya'll come back now, you hear.

All families have traditions and celebrations. There are no rules about how your family should celebrate holidays or special events throughout the year. Families are for making memories and for sharing stories and history. Each family is different and yet so very special. Yours is different than mine. Our inner circle is the family we choose. Whether it is your church family, your work family, your neighborhood family, your interest group family, or the family of friends with whom you share common bonds. We make families throughout our lives. This collection of thirty-eight short stories is about every kind of family, sharing moments throughout the year. Special days, special times, and special circumstances for special people like your family, all families, all year long. Enjoy spending time with family. ****** Fans of the Chicken Soup for the Soul series and A Prairie Home Companion will enjoy Sheila Kovach's homespun stories about holidays and special events highlighting the importance of family, friends, community, and faith. These heartwarming tales set in Kovach's beloved home state of Wyoming resonate with regional and familial pride, and lessons that will stay with readers long after they close the pages. --Mary Vensel White, author of Starling, Bellflower, and The Qualities of Wood