Apologies

The best-selling author of The Dance of Anger shares insight into the role of apologies in healing broken connections and restoring trust, sharing compelling case stories and tested theories that explain how to craft a meaningful apology while avoiding choices that deepen original injuries.

One of the most profound interactions that can occur between people, apologies have the power to heal humiliations, free the mind from deep-seated guilt, remove the desire for vengeance, and ultimately restore broken relationships. With On Apology, Aaron Lazare offers an eye-opening analysis of this vital interaction, illuminating an often hidden corner of the human heart. He discusses the importance of shame, guilt, and humiliation, the initial reluctance to apologize, the simplicity of the act of apologizing, the spontaneous generosity and forgiveness on the part of the offended, the transfer of power and respect between two parties, and much more. Readers will not only find a wealth of insight that they can apply to their own lives, but also a deeper understanding of national and international conflicts and how we might resolve them. The act of apologizing is quite simply immensely fulfilling. On Apology opens a window onto this common occurrence to reveal the feelings and actions at the heart of this profound interaction.

'Beautifully outlines how our relationships can dramatically improve by an authentic way to repair' Eve Rodsky, bestselling author of Fair Play 'Practical, effective remedies that can help make reconciled relationships possible' Bishop Michael B Curry In the vein of Hold Me Tight and The Body Keeps the Score, this paradigm-shifting book on apologies shows how they work, why they're so hard, and why they are essential for rebuilding relationships. We've all done something wrong or made a mistake or insulted someone - even if by accident. We've all been hurt and wanted the other person to help us heal. It may be surprising, but the breaches themselves aren't the real problem; our inability to fix them is what causes us trouble. In A Good Apology, clinical psychologist Dr. Molly Howes uses her experiences with patients in her practice, research findings, and news stories to illustrate the power and importance of a thorough apology. She teaches how we can all learn to craft an effective apology with four straightforward steps. An apology is a small-scale event between people, but it's enormously powerful. This comprehensive book gives readers the tools to fix their relationships, make amends, and move forward. With it, you'll fully understand the meaning and importance of this universal and timeless endeavour: a good apology.

From the Theodor Seuss Geisel Award–winning creators of See the Cat: Three Stories About a Dog comes a funny and handy guide that explains just how (and how not!) to say “I’m sorry.” Wouldn’t the world be a better place if everyone knew how to apologize? Luckily, this humorous guidebook is full of practical tips about when, why, and how to say you’re sorry. From a porcupine who accidentally popped his friend’s balloon to a snail who was running so fast he stepped on a sloth’s toes, hilarious examples and sweet illustrations abound. For both listeners who are just learning and older readers who need a refresher, this book will come as a welcome reminder that even though apologizing can be hard, it doesn’t have to be complicated.

From the bestselling author of The Vagina Monologues-a powerful, life-changing examination of abuse and atonement. “A triumph of artistry and empathy.” -Naomi Klein “A crucial step forward . . . This is an urgently needed book right now.” -Jane Fonda “Courageous, transformative, and yes-healing.” -Anne Lamott Like millions of women, Eve Ensler has been waiting much of her lifetime for an apology. Sexually and physically abused by her father, Eve has struggled her whole life from this betrayal, longing for an honest reckoning from a man who is long dead. After years of work as an anti-violence activist, she decided she would wait no longer; an apology could be imagined, by her, for her, to her. The Apology, written by Eve from her father's point of view in the words she longed to hear, attempts to transform the abuse she suffered with unflinching truthfulness, compassion, and an expansive vision for the future. Through The Apology Eve has set out to provide a new way for herself and a possible road for others, so that survivors of abuse may finally envision how to be free. She grapples with questions she has sought answers to since she first realized the impact of her father's abuse on her life: How do we offer a doorway rather than a locked cell? How do we move from humiliation to revelation, from curtailing behavior to changing it, from condemning perpetrators to calling them to reckoning? What will it take for abusers to genuinely apologize? Remarkable and original, The Apology is an acutely transformational look at how, from the wounds of sexual abuse, we can begin to re-emerge and heal. It is revolutionary, asking everything of each of us: courage, honesty, and forgiveness.

"Fresh and useful . . . excellent practical advice . . . thorough and lucid . . . will be welcomed by many who have struggled to ask forgiveness and to forgive." -Publishers Weekly A finalist in the Books for a Better Life Awards competition! Discover the healing power of apology and put its magic to work in your life Do you have a difficult time apologizing or are you involved with someone who does? Do you tend to overapologize and appear weak in others' eyes? Do you want to reconcile with someone but feel they owe you an apology first? Do you need to apologize or make amends to someone but don't know how to go about it? In this inspiring book from internationally acclaimed therapist and self-improvement author Beverly Engel, you will learn why some people have difficulty apologizing while others tend to overapologize. You'll learn how to give a meaningful apology, how to ask for one, and how to receive one. From making amends with those you have hurt to dealing with someone who refuses to apologize to teaching children responsibility and empathy, this life-changing book shows you how to bring a healing new element of renewal into every relationship in your life. "Beverly Engel has eloquently explained the power of apology in a remarkably insightful and perceptive manner. No one has been better able to explain what an apology means and its role in reconciliation." -Rabbi Charles A. Klein, author of How to Forgive When You Can't Forget: Healing Our Personal Relationships "Readers of this wise and lucid guide to the neglected art of authentic apology will acquire a powerful tool to help repair relationships with others and with themselves." -Jeanne Safer, Ph.D., author of Forgiving and Not Forgiving: A New Approach to Resolving Intimate Betrayal "An engaging and in-depth book on a subject that has rarely been addressed so intelligently and thoroughly. Ms. Engel offers the reader specific suggestions that can help you improve all your relationships." -Steven Farmer, M.F.T., author of Adult Children of Abusive Parents

There’s nothing easy about apology. The news is filled with examples of leaders apologizing, needing to apologize, or failing miserably at the attempt. And certainly we all have occasion to apologize ourselves—maybe more often than we realize. But we don’t need more apologies, says John Kador—we need better ones. Too many people just go through the motions, missing out on the power of apology to restore strained relationships, create possibilities for growth, and generate better outcomes for all. Effective Apology challenges you to think about the fundamental value and importance of apology as it delivers detailed advice for making an apology that truly heals and renews. Kador explores the Five Rs of apology: Recognize the wrong and the person harmed; accept moral Responsibility for your actions; express Remorse; provide meaningful Restitution; and offer assurance that the offense will not be Repeated. Making apology work in the real world—when and how to apologize, in what medium, and how to make it stick—is made clear through over seventy examples of good and bad apologies drawn from the news, popular culture, and the experiences of Kador, his clients, and his friends. The willingness to apologize signals strength, character, and integrity. Effective leadership is impossible without effective apology. John Kador shows how to craft and deliver a confident apology that will defuse resentment, reduce litigation, create goodwill, and transform a relationship ruptured by mistrust and disappointment into something stronger and more durable than it ever was before.

This book argues that justice often governs apologies. Drawing on examples from literature, politics, and current events, Cohen presents a theory of apology as corrective offers. Many leading accounts of apology say much about what apologies do and why they are important. They stop short of exploring whether and how justice governs apologies. Cohen argues that corrective justice may require apologies as offers of reparation. Individuals, corporations, and states may then have rights or duties regarding apology. Exercising rights to apology or fulfilling duties to provide them are ways of holding one another mutually accountable. By casting rights and duties of apology as justifiable to free and equal persons, the book advances conversations about how liberalism may respond to historic injustice. Apologies and Moral Repair will be of interest to scholars and advanced students in ethics, political philosophy, and social philosophy.