Because I Said So

Draws on medical case histories, scientific findings, and personal research by the author to separate myth from fact and debunk a vast array of parental edicts.

A single promise can change a life forever. We all make promises constantly. “Yes, I’ll be there.” “Sure, no problem!” But do we really mean what we are saying? What is the impact of a broken promise? And what happens to a life when a promise is honored? Because I said I would is the international social movement at the forefront of shifting how the world views commitment and accountability. With over 10.3 million Promise Cards distributed, this cause has played a unique role in changing lives around the world. Heartwarming, humorous, inspirational, and tragic—these stories will challenge readers to look deep within themselves and consider the importance of the promises they make. Through a collection of inspiring short stories and concise philosophical chapters, readers will gain the following: • Practical life lessons from surprisingly raw stories of everyday people with incredible determination • Useful advice on how to get better at keeping promises • Inspiring perspectives that can be utilized in leadership and character development initiatives One hundred percent of the author’s proceeds go to because I said I would, a 501(c)(3) nonprofit organization that is bettering humanity through chapters of volunteers, character education in schools, accountability programs, and awareness campaigns with global reach.

Contains over three hundred sixty tips on raising children including common sense advice on spoiled children, sibling rivalry, and television issues.

Yes, there are times when it’s appropriate to reason with your child, to patiently and eloquently explain why he or she needs to do as you ask. You might present convincing arguments like “Because it makes you strong”; “Because it will keep you safe”; “Because it’s good for you”; “Because it’s bad for you.” But there are times when the only thing that really makes sense is . . . “Because I said so!!” This book is a hilarious, honest romp through motherhood—the joys, the sleeplessness, the frazzled days, the unending carpooling, the in-house refereeing, the dieting (yeah, right), the worrying—and did we say, the joy? Here’s what some of that joy looks like—with excerpts straight from the book: • I tried to do the Buns of Steel video, but quickly realized that it wasn’t intended for people who have buns of pudding. • I felt like my head might explode. I kind of hoped it would so I could take a nice, peaceful ambulance ride out of there. • I was a little at a loss. I mean, those parenting books don’t tell you how to break up a fight over an imaginary friend. • Moms aren’t allowed to get sick more than one day a year. Single moms aren’t allowed to get sick ever. • Before you have children you can’t imagine yourself saying things like “Don’t put chocolate milk in your pants,” “Take the hot dog out of your nose,” or “Because I said so!” If you’re a mom-to-be or a mom in the trenches, you’ll love knowing that you’re not the only one out there who sometimes just figures it out as you go along—and sometimes can’t figure it out at all. But in the end, Dawn has these words of encouragement just for you: “Enjoy this time. Even when they make you crazy, these are the best days of your life.” And they really are, aren’t they?

The third deligtfully undead novel in New York Times bestselling author Michele Bardsley's Broken Heart series. Not just anyone can visit Broken Heart, Oklahoma, especially since all the single moms—like me, Patsy Donahue—have been turned into vampires. I’m forever forty, but looking younger than my years, thanks to my new (un)lifestyle. And even thought most of my customers have skipped town, I still manage to keep my hair salon up and running because of the lycanthropes prowling around. They know how important good grooming is—especially a certain rogue shape-shifter who is as sexy as he is deadly. Now, if only I could put a leash on my wild teenage son. He’s up to his neck in danger. The stress would kill me if I wasn’t already dead. But my maternal instincts are sill alive and kicking, so no one better mess with my flesh and blood.

Parenting is a competitive sport these days. With all the pressure on the modern parent, a little comic relief is not just welcome; it's a matter of survival. Because I'm the Child Here and I Said So offers a much-needed hilarious first-aid kit for parents of all types. Between the fat stacks of parenting books designed to engender paranoia and hyper-competitiveness, and the culture that demands everyone must "have it all," today's parents don't stand a chance. Because I'm the Child Here and I Said So by cartoonist Pat Byrnes is a gleeful send-up of modern parenting: the obsession, the sport, the pseudo science, and all the maddening challenges parenting presents. Each full-color cartoon features a smart punch line that will make you smile (or wince in recognition): * "A birthday party? Didn't we already do that kind of crap with your older sister?" * "I couldn't find a sitter, so I got a video." * "Just remember, son, it doesn't matter whether you win or lose-unless you want Daddy's love." Be advised, if you find yourself relating to any of the parents in this book, you need to chill out. Fortunately, Because I'm the Child Here and I Said So is the antidote to all your parenting woes. Whether you keep it for your own sanity or give it to a desperate parent, the cartoons of Pat Byrnes will delight and amuse.

From the editors of "Mothers Who Think" comes a new collection of essays on the subject of motherhood, written by the likes of Janet Fitch, Rosellen Brown, Beth Kephart, and Mary Morris.

The Pulitzer Prize–winning film critics offers up more reviews of horrible films. Roger Ebert awards at least two out of four stars to most of the more than 150 movies he reviews each year. But when the noted film critic does pan a movie, the result is a humorous, scathing critique far more entertaining than the movie itself. I Hated, Hated, Hated This Movie is a collection of more than 200 of Ebert’s most biting and entertaining reviews of films receiving a mere star or less from the only film critic to win the Pulitzer Prize. Ebert has no patience for these atrocious movies and minces no words in skewering the offenders. Witness: Armageddon * (1998)—The movie is an assault on the eyes, the ears, the brain, common sense, and the human desire to be entertained. No matter what they’re charging to get in, it’s worth more to get out. The Beverly Hillbillies * (1993)—Imagine the dumbest half-hour sitcom you’ve ever seen, spin it out to ninety-three minutes by making it even more thin and shallow, and you have this movie. It’s appalling. North no stars (1994)—I hated this movie. Hated hated hated hated hated this movie. Hated it. Hated every simpering stupid vacant audience-insulting moment of it. Hated the sensibility that thought anyone would like it. Hated the implied insult to the audience by its belief that anyone would be entertained by it. Police Academy no stars (1984)—It’s so bad, maybe you should pool your money and draw straws and send one of the guys off to rent it so that in the future, whenever you think you’re sitting through a bad comedy, he could shake his head, chuckle tolerantly, and explain that you don't know what bad is. Dear God * (1996)—Dear God is the kind of movie where you walk out repeating the title, but not with a smile. The movies reviewed within I Hated, Hated, Hated This Movie are motion pictures you’ll want to distance yourself from, but Roger Ebert’s creative and comical musings on those films make for a book no movie fan should miss.