Because We Are Bad

WASHINGTON POST TOP 50 NON-FICTION BOOK 'Extremely compelling' - The Guardian 'Searing... funny, eloquent and honest' - Psychologies 'Remarkable... I hope this book finds a wide readership' - Washington Post __________________________________________ As a child, Lily Bailey knew she was bad. By the age of 13, she had killed someone with a thought, spread untold disease, and spied upon her classmates. Only by performing a series of secret routines could she correct her wrongdoing. But it was never enough. She had a severe case of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, and it came with a bizarre twist. This true story is from a startling new voice in non-fiction. It lights up the workings of the mind like Mark Haddon or Matt Haig. Anyone who wants to know about OCD, and how to fight back, should read this book. Immerse yourself in a new world. Reviews Model and journalist Bailey offers an authentic and stunning account of her struggle with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder in this beautifully-rendered memoir. - Publishers Weekly I laughed, I cried. I could not put this book down. Intensely moving with flashes of black humour, Because We Are Bad is the compelling account of one young woman's experience of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. - Rosanna Greenstreet writes for The Guardian Often as chilling as Sylvia Plath's The Bell Jar, but also full of so much inner and external turbulence that it reminded me at times of The Bourne Identity and Memento.Because We Are Bad is an intense heart-rending roller coaster of a book... - Will Black, Huffpost UK A harrowingly honest memoir of profound psychological struggle. In her courageous book, the author offers compelling insight into the pain and destructive power of OCD as well as the resilience of a young woman determined to beat the odds. - Kirkus Reviews A fascinating read. It's brilliantly written; I felt inside your head - Ray D'Arcy Show, RTE Radio 1 Because We Are Bad is an emotional, challenging read. Lily takes us deep into the heart of the illness but she is also a deft writer, and even the darkest moments are peppered with wit and wry observations. - James Lloyd, OCD-UK Remarkable. She writes with literary poise and a gift for mordant observation and self-deprecating humor that belie her youth. I hope this book finds a wide readership. - Scott Stossel, Washington Post It's a fascinating read... Buy the book! Buy the book! - Jo Good, BBC Radio London

An intimate look at the power of intrusive thoughts, how our brains can turn against us, and living with obsessive compulsive disorder Have you ever had a strange urge to jump from a tall building or steer your car into oncoming traffic? You are not alone. In this captivating fusion of science, history, and personal memoir, David Adam explores the weird thoughts that exist within every mind, and how they drive millions of us toward obsession and compulsion. Adam, an editor at Nature and an accomplished science writer, has suffered from obsessive-compulsive disorder for twenty years, and The Man Who Couldn't Stop is his unflinchingly honest attempt to understand the condition and his experiences. What might lead an Ethiopian schoolgirl to eat a wall of her house, piece by piece, or a pair of brothers to die beneath an avalanche of household junk that they had compulsively hoarded? At what point does a harmless idea, a snowflake in a clear summer sky, become a blinding blizzard of unwanted thoughts? Drawing on the latest research on the brain, as well as historical accounts of patients and their treatments, this is a book that will challenge the way you think about what is normal and what is mental illness. Told with fierce clarity, humor, and urgent lyricism, this extraordinary book is both the haunting story of a personal nightmare and a fascinating doorway into the darkest corners of our minds.

A brave teen recounts her debilitating struggle with obsessive-compulsive disorder—and brings readers through every painful step as she finds her way to the other side—in this powerful and inspiring memoir. Until sophomore year of high school, fifteen-year-old Allison Britz lived a comfortable life in an idyllic town. She was a dedicated student with tons of extracurricular activities, friends, and loving parents at home. But after awakening from a vivid nightmare in which she was diagnosed with brain cancer, she was convinced the dream had been a warning. Allison believed that she must do something to stop the cancer in her dream from becoming a reality. It started with avoiding sidewalk cracks and quickly grew to counting steps as loudly as possible. Over the following weeks, her brain listed more dangers and fixes. She had to avoid hair dryers, calculators, cell phones, computers, anything green, bananas, oatmeal, and most of her own clothing. Unable to act “normal,” the once-popular Allison became an outcast. Her parents questioned her behavior, leading to explosive fights. When notebook paper, pencils, and most schoolbooks were declared dangerous to her health, her GPA imploded, along with her plans for the future. Finally, she allowed herself to ask for help and was diagnosed with obsessive-compulsive disorder. This brave memoir tracks Allison’s descent and ultimately hopeful climb out of the depths.

***AS FEATURED ON NPR'S TALK OF THE NATION*** Imagine the worst thing in the world. Picture it. Construct it, carefully and deliberately in your mind. Be careful not to omit anything. Imagine it happening to you, to the people you love. Imagine the worst thing in the world. Now try not to think about it. This is what it is like for Fletcher Wortmann. In his brilliant memoir, the author takes us on an intimate journey across the psychological landscape of OCD, known as the "doubting disorder," as populated by God, girls, and apocalyptic nightmares. Wortmann unflinchingly reveals the elaborate series of psychological rituals he constructs as "preventative measures" to ward off the end times, as well as his learning to cope with intrusive thoughts through Clockwork Orange-like "trigger" therapy. But even more than this, the author emerges as a preternatural talent as he unfolds a kaleidoscope of culture high and low ranging from his obsessions with David Bowie, X-Men, and Pokemon, to an eclectic education shaped by Shakespeare, Kierkegaard, Catholic mysticism, Christian comic books, and the collegiate dating scene at the "People's Republic of Swarthmore." Triggered is a pitch-perfect memoir; a touching, triumphantly funny, compulsively readable, and ultimately uplifting coming-of-age tale for Generation Anxiety. Fletcher Wortmann on OCD and sex: "If a girl accepts an invitation to help count the tiles on your bedroom ceiling, then she will probably be disappointed when she realizes you were speaking literally." ...on OCD and religion: "I have found Catholicism and obsessive compulsive disorder to be deeply sympathetic to one another. One is a repressive construct founded in existential terror, barely restrained by complex, arbitrary ritual behaviors; the other is an anxiety disorder." ...on OCD humor: "By the sink, I noticed a perfunctory sign warning readers to wash their hands. It was scrawled with graffiti: NO YOU CAN'T GERMS ARE UNPREVENTABLE AND INESCAPABLE." ...on the seductiveness of OCD: "Every so often, everything will work, and you will somehow convince yourself that you are safe, and the disorder will claim credit. I had struck a bargain with the OCD. The transaction was complete. In that moment I became subservient to it."

Don’t let your thoughts and fears define you. In Overcoming Harm OCD, psychotherapist Jon Hershfield offers powerful cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) and mindfulness tools to help you break free from the pain and self-doubt caused by harm OCD. Do you suffer from violent, unwanted thoughts and a crippling fear of harming others? Are you afraid to seek treatment for fear of being judged? If so, you may have harm OCD—an anxiety disorder associated with obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). First and foremost, you need to know that these thoughts do not define you as a human being. But they can cause a lot of real emotional pain. So, how can you overcome harm OCD and start living a better life? Written by an expert in treating harm OCD, this much-needed book offers a direct and comprehensive explanation of what harm OCD is and how to manage it. You’ll learn why you have unwanted thoughts, how to identify mental compulsions, and find an overview of cognitive-behavioral and mindfulness-based treatment approaches that can help you reclaim your life. You’ll also find tips for disclosing violent obsessions, finding adequate professional help, and working with loved ones to address harm OCD systemically. And finally, you’ll learn that your thoughts are just thoughts, and that they don’t make you a bad person. If you have harm OCD, it’s time to move past the stigma and start focusing on solutions. This evidence-based guide will help light the way.

If he had been with me everything would have been different... I wasn't with Finn on that August night. But I should've been. It was raining, of course. And he and Sylvie were arguing as he drove down the slick road. No one ever says what they were arguing about. Other people think it's not important. They do not know there is another story. The story that lurks between the facts. What they do not know—the cause of the argument—is crucial. So let me tell you...

A Read for Empathy Collection Choice, chosen by EmpathyLab New town, new school, but the bully is in Ben's head ... There are 4 things you should know about Ben: 1. He's 12 years old 2. He's the new kid at school 3. His special number is 4 4. He has a bully in his brain Sometimes Ben's brain makes him count to 4 to prevent bad things happening. Sometimes it makes him tap or blink in 4s. Mostly it makes the smallest things feel impossible. And with a new school, a moody big brother, an absent dad and a mum battling her own demons, Ben feels more out of control than ever. But then he meets April, and with his new friend, Ben might finally figure out how to stand up to the bully in his brain, once and for all. An authentic and affecting #ownvoices story about living life with OCD, from the inspiring author and mental health activist, Lily Bailey. Perfect for readers of A Kind of Spark and Wonder. ***WINNER of the LEWISHAM BOOK AWARD*** ***WINNER of the READING RAMPAGE AWARD*** ***WINNER OF THE COVENTRY INSPIRATION BOOK AWARDS*** 'With characters you will take to your heart and never want to leave, this is a heart-warming and joyous read about the importance of empathy and understanding.' The Scotsman 'This book deserves to sit alongside Wonder as a modern classic.' Read and Reviewed blog 'What Wonder does for people with physical deformity - When I see Blue will, without doubt, do for those with OCD ... this is a story of hope.' Sue Chambers, Waterstones bookseller

The story of one mother’s fight against the medical establishment to prove the link between infection-triggered PANDAS and her son’s sudden-onset OCD and Tourette syndrome. The summer before entering sixth grade, Sammy, a bright and charming boy who lived on the coast of Maine, suddenly began to exhibit disturbing behavior. He walked and ate with his eyes shut, refused to bathe, burst into fits of rage, slithered against walls, and used his limbs instead of his hands to touch light switches, doorknobs, and faucets. Sammy’s mother, Beth, already coping with the overwhelming responsibility of raising three sons alone, watched helplessly as her middle child descended into madness. Sammy was soon diagnosed with obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) and later with Tourette syndrome. Unwilling to accept the doctors’ prognoses for lifelong mental illness and repeated hospitalizations, Beth fought to uncover what was causing this decline. Beth’s quest took her to the center of the medical community’s raging debate about whether OCD and Tourette syndrome can be caused by PANDAS (Pediatric Autoimmune Neuropsychiatric Disorders Associated with Streptococcal Infections). With the battle lines firmly drawn, Beth searched until she found two cutting-edge doctors who answered that question with a definitive yes. Together, they cured Sammy. Five years later, he remains symptom free.