Becoming The Kind Father

The male case against patriarchy - why it hurts men, and how they can change it. The macho society that held John Wayne as a role model has created an emotional wasteland where 80 percent of men are unable to accurately express their feelings, and that same percentage feel estranged from their fathers. The stifled male, disconnected and out of touch, fills the void with apathy or anger, and the toll is staggering: short, unhealthy lives, ruined relationships, and damaged children. This destructive behavior repeats itself in the next generation as the sins of the father continue the cycle. In Becoming the Kind Father, Calvin Sandborn aims to break that cycle. His intensely personal story is heart-searing and inspirational. Brought up to fear his father’s alcohol-fueled fury and hateful put-downs, the author buried his feelings and fine-tuned his own rage. His father’s early death and the collapse of the author’s marriage provided catalysts for change. Interspersing clever literary references with painful childhood memories, intense self-examination, and astute observations, Sandborn provides well-researched psychological findings and self-help tips, including how to: Identify and share feelings Treat yourself as a kind father would Form trusting male friendships Break the anger habit Forgive the world and yourself This guide offers helpful insight for the millions of men who want to become kinder human beings. A must-read for every woman who loves an angry or emotionally distant man. Calvin Sandborn is a journalist, author, and environmental lawyer who currently supervises the University of Victoria Environmental Law Clinic. He is also a kind father and grandfather.

"Most men spend very little time pondering the question, Am I doing the right things to become a great dad? This book addresses this most important question in a profound way. It's filled with personal stories, focused on powerful principles, and is written for real people. We all know how easy it is, biologically, to become a father. What we often don't realize is that it takes work, dedication, and learned skills to become a dad, especially a great dad." - From the foreword by Jack Canfield, Co-Creator, #1 New York Times best selling series Chicken Soup for the Soul (r) In How to Be a Great Dad, you will learn: The 15-day Great Dad Challenge that transforms fathers into dads. Why dads matter way more than you may think. The lifelong impact fathers have on their children. The three simple and strategic skills to great dad success that all dads can master. Why bad or absent dads can land kids in prison. How to become the father you wish you'd had. Why "father nurture" is as important as "mother nurture." Why saying "I'm proud of you" makes all the difference. Why "I'll love you no matter what" means so much to your kids. Why a hug is not "just a hug" when it comes from Dad. How to build your kids' self-esteem. How to give what you may not have received. A doable process to overcome hurts or limitations from the past. Neil Chethik, executive director of The Carnegie Center, writes, "Keith Zafren is an inspiring guide on this adventure into the heart of fathering. Read this book. It will make you a better dad, and it may even help you forgive your own father for the mistakes he inevitably made." Neil Chethik Executive Director, The Carnegie Center for Literacy and Learning Author, FatherLoss and VoiceMale "WOW!!! 'Healing a Father Wound' was by far the most impactful and emotional section of any book I have ever read. I can't even describe how deeply this teaching affected me. The feeling of 'choked up' stayed throughout reading the section, and keeps coming back even now. I realized clearly how my own father wound has affected my entire life, and still does to this day. It also made me realize how the healing process is a daily reward to me and my boys, and so worth the effort. My heart was smiling while my eyes filled with tears. Awesome book!" Patrick McMillan Founder, TeachingHappiness.com Author, An Exercise in Happiness for Ki

Every person is born with a deep longing for a father. Being Dad deals with the way fathers, and the subject of biblical fatherhood, are treated in modern culture. Dr. Keith brings his experience with family, students, great mentors, and friends to bear on a subject that is crying out for attention. Equally, he brings his Christian faith, a scholarly eye for detail, and an ear for story along on the journey and works with the reader to navigate a path to a better country where the Father blesses His children and is honored. Forgiven fathers are a gift from God, for they have the gospel to proclaim to their families. This approach leads to gracious fathers that can now display a shadow of the love of their Heavenly Father so that children may be drawn into saving faith.

What does being a dad in the 21st Century really mean? Men today want to play an active role in the upbringing of their children; that means knowing how to cope with them, play with them, control them and love them. Becoming a father however, can be an extremely daunting prospect, after all it is completely uncharted territory. This wonderful book is not only for expectant and new fathers but covers the whole range of issues dads encounter from conception through to teenage traumas. Situations such as step-fatherhood and the changing relationship with partners are also discussed in a sensitive and informative style. The stresses imposed by modern lifestyles on fathers and kids are looked at as well as the problems and benefits encountered by the fact that kids today are often very sophisticated and clued-up. Chapters include: * I'm Going to be a Dad * Bonding for Fathers * Discipline * Learning to Play Again * Teenage Traumas Written in a light-hearted yet informative style, and including numerous interviews with fathers themselves, this book reflects the latest thinking and theories on how to be a good father.

It’s never too late to be a better father Jim Daly, president and CEO of Focus on the Family, is an expert in fatherhood—in part because his own "fathers" failed him so badly. His biological dad was an alcoholic. His stepfather deserted him. His foster father accused Jim of trying to kill him. All were out of Jim's life by the time he turned 13. Isn’t it odd—and reminiscent of the hand of God—that the director of the leading organization on family turned out to be a guy whose own background as a kid and son were pretty messed up? Or could it be that successful parenting is discovered not in the perfect, peaceful household but in the midst of battles and messy situations, where God must constantly be called to the scene? That is the mystery unraveled in this book. Using his own expertise, humor, and inexhaustible wealth of stories, Jim will show you that God can make you a good dad, a great dad, in spite of the way you’ve grown up and in spite of the mistakes you’ve made. Maybe even because of them. It’s not about becoming a perfect father. It’s about trying to become a better father, each and every day. It's about building relationships with your children through love, grace, patience, and fun—and helping them grow into the men and women they’re meant to be.

From the author of the New York Times bestseller Before the Fall, an intense, psychological novel about one doctor's suspense-filled quest to unlock the mind of a suspected political assassin: his twenty-year old son. As a rheumatologist, Dr. Paul Allen's specialty is diagnosing patients other doctors have given up on. His son, Daniel Allen has always been a good kid but, as a child of divorce, he is also something of a drifter. Which may be why, at the age of nineteen, he quietly drops out of Vassar and begins an aimless journey across the United States, shedding his former skin and eventually even changing his name. One night, Paul is home with his family when a televised news report announces that the Democratic candidate for president has been shot, and Daniel is the lead suspect. Convinced of his son’s innocence Paul begins to trace his sons steps to see where Daniel, or perhaps Paul, went wrong, beginning a harrowing journey--about the responsibilities of being a parent and the capacity for unconditional love in the face of an unthinkable situation—that keeps one guessing until the very end.

A thoughtful and "utterly mind-blowing" exploration of fatherhood and masculinity in the 21st century (New York Times). There are hundreds of books on parenting, and with good reason—becoming a parent is scary, difficult, and life-changing. But when it comes to books about parenting identity, rather than the nuts and bolts of raising children, nearly all are about what it's like to be a mother. Drawing on research in sociology, economics, philosophy, gender studies, and the author's own experiences, Father Figure sets out to fill that gap. It's an exploration of the psychology of fatherhood from an archetypal perspective as well as a cultural history that challenges familiar assumptions about the origins of so-called traditional parenting roles. What paradoxes and contradictions are inherent in our common understanding of dads? Might it be time to rethink some aspects of fatherhood? Gender norms are changing, and old economic models are facing disruption. As a result, parenthood and family life are undergoing an existential transformation. And yet, the narratives and images of dads available to us are wholly inadequate for this transition. Victorian and Industrial Age tropes about fathers not only dominate the media, but also contour most people's lived experience. Father Figure offers a badly needed update to our collective understanding of fatherhood—and masculinity in general. It teaches dads how to embrace the joys of fathering while guiding them toward an image of manliness for the modern world.

Self-initiation is killing our young men. Without strong mentors, boys are walking alone into a wilderness of conflicting messages about who they should be as men. It's no wonder that our sons are confused about what the world expects from them and what they should expect of themselves. The Intentional Father is the antidote. This concise book is filled with practical steps to help men raise sons of consequence--young men who know what they believe, know who they are, and will stand up against the negative cultural trends of our day. Jon Tyson lays out a clear path for fathers and sons that includes specific activities, rites of passage, and significant "marking moments" that can be customized to fit any family. It's not enough to hope our sons will become good men. We need them to be good at being men. This book shows how fathers, grandfathers, and other male mentors can lead the way.