Can T Be Arsed Half Arsed Shorter Edition

‘A terrific blow for freedom. Richly comic’ Boris Johnson. 'Properly funny. I've put it in a seldom-used toilet.' Jeremy Clarkson We are forever being ordered around – 100 things to do before you're 30; 50 albums you must own; change your life in two weeks. Why – is this an increasingly desperate search for happiness? Perhaps you can in fact attain happiness not by going anywhere or doing anything but instead by actually reducing your ambitions. This is the philosophy behind '63 Things Not To Do Before You Die'. Each chapter begins with a diatribe, followed by a detailed look at the alternative side of the most frequently cited must do's, giving off-putting facts and statistics to quote at holier-than-thou thrillseekers. Wish-fulfillment lists take heed...

Welcome. Come amuse yourself in the company of slime-dripping vagina jaws, Aboriginal ABBA tribute bands and Deliverance-quoting parrots. This trio of politically incorrect comedies, which bleakly focus on male inadequacy and misogyny, will introduce you to a bunch of chronic misfits kicking around Wales, Australia and South Korea. But be warned - you may grow to like some of them. Just make sure you don't leave this little encyclopaedia of dysfunction on your maiden aunt's chair... Book 1: Looking For Sarah Jane Smith Marty's living in a Welsh town he hates, doing a job he's lost interest in and so bored he can't even be bothered with sex. But a new life beckons in Australia. It's also a chance to get away from his stupid mates, the loveable loser John and the ultra-macho Wasp Boy. Maybe he'll even meet an exquisite girl like his Doctor Who heroine, Sarah Jane Smith, and live happily ever after... Looking for Sarah Jane Smith - For anyone who suspects life's a bit rubbish. Part road trip and part celebration of idiotic male friendship, Looking for Sarah Jane Smith is sure to strike a chord with those who appreciate The Inbetweeners, Peep Show and Bill Hicks. Book 2: Manic Streets of Perth Perth. It's thousands of miles from anywhere, it's got a rubbish Bell Tower and not enough of the laidback locals are being eaten by sharks. Well, that's what expat reporter Paul Lewis thinks, but after a lonely Manic Street Preachers fan reveals her disastrously unlucky life suddenly nothing's the same... Manic Streets of Perth - Where a snake-wielding robber is just the start of your troubles. Gentler and warmer than Dave Franklin's other novels, Manic Streets of Perth is an easy to read comedy. Book 3: English Toss on Planet Andong Every year thousands of people travel to faraway lands to teach English as a foreign language. The fools. One such expat is Paul Taylor, a heartbroken Aussie looking for a fresh start in a South Korean classroom. The lack of training isn't much of a help, but it's the baffling natives and unhinged flatmates that really start to convince him he's crash-landed in another galaxy... Packed with over the top characters, English Toss is a demented sitcom of a novel that revels in the extremes of expat dislocation. Total length: 240,000 words.

Ernest Hemingway is considered as one of the greatest American novelist, short-story writer, and journalist. His economical and understated style—which he termed the iceberg theory—had a strong influence on 20th-century fiction, while his adventurous lifestyle and his public image brought him admiration from later generations. Moreover, his prolific and influential writing brought him the much-coveted Nobel Prize in Literature in 1954. The present edition brings to you his world-famous works for your absolute reading pleasure. Contents: Novels & Novellas: The Torrents of Spring The Sun Also Rises A Farewell to Arms For Whom the Bell Tolls Across the River and into the Trees The Old Man and the Sea Short Stories Collection: Three Stories and Ten Poems In Our Time (1924 edition) In Our Time (1930 edition) Men Without Women Winner Take Nothing Non-Fiction: Death in the Afternoon Green Hills of Africa

After undergoing gall bladder surgery at age twenty-three, Jennette Fulda decided it was time to lose some weight. Actually, more like half her weight. At the time, Jennette weighed 372 pounds. Jennette was not born fat. But, by fifth grade, her response to a school questionnaire asking “what would you change about your appearance” was “I would be thinner.” Sound familiar? Half-Assed is the captivating and incredibly honest story of Jennette’s journey to get in shape, lose weight, and change her life. From the beginning—dusting off her never-used treadmill and steering clear of the donut shop—to the end with her goal weight in sight, Jennette wows readers with her determined persistence to shed pounds and the ability to maintain her ever-present sense of self.

Offering coverage of over 6,000 slang words and expressions from the Cockney 'abaht' to the American term 'zowie', this is the most authoritative dictionary of slang from the 20th and 21st centuries.

Dublin girl Emma Carey has just embarked on another fresh start—the job of her dreams at Ireland Place, a quirky Irish arts center in a picturesque Victorian mansion near Seattle. At thirty-one, sweet, plucky Emma is finally poised for career success…if she can only avoid her fatal flaw, the one that’s ruined every other job: falling for her boss. A dedicated family man, Declan O’Donoghue is an Irish dad devoted to his children, the lights of his life—so as the new manager at Ireland Place, he could never have guessed his earnest, endearing colleague could take his breath away. Yet Declan knows he and Emma can never be more than friends... Hazel Carey has always been protective of her elder sister—at twenty, she’s the practical one, while Emma is a dreamer. But seeing her sister’s heart-melting fancy for her new boss, Hazel wonders: how to keep Emma from real heartbreak this time? The two novelette-length short stories, The Secret Well and The Christmas Visitor, link Emma, Declan and Hazel to the quaint little village of Ballydara, and bring you deeper into Declan's family life...and Hazel's secrets. With humor and tenderness, Becoming Emma follows Emma's millennial, roundabout journey--begun in The Little Irish Gift Shop-- toward her own happily-ever-after. This heartfelt, charming page-turner, part of a trilogy, is connected to Susan Colleen Browne's Village of Ballydara series, set in a cozy Irish village in the West of Ireland...Emma and Declan’s love story continues in the next Ballydara novel, The Fairy Cottage of Ballydara!

Third Language Dictionary is a guide to everyday language that is peculiar to and used by Australian folks from all walks of life no matter what or who they are or the level of success, education, credence, or place in society they have attained.

The first three books in The Secret Diary series, starring the brown Bridget Jones, our acerbic heroine, will have you laughing, crying and desperate for one more chapter. From book 1, The Secret Diary of an Arranged Marriage: A British-Bengali girl looking for Mr Right. A motley crew of men. A mum on a mission to match make and an age-old tradition with a twist. Welcome to the world of the arranged marriage. While I’m young, free and single, time is - by Bengali standards - marching on. I must meet my dream man, or someone I can grow to like, and get married. The trouble is, I don’t really know what - or who – I’m looking for. Luckily (or not) for me, arranged marriages are still a thing. So alongside my own dating efforts, it’s everyone’s business to find me a match. I’m pretty sure I’ll land a husband, but will he be ‘The One’? From book 2, The Secret Diary of a Bengali Bridezilla: And I thought finding a husband was hard... One couple. Three months. 600 guests (most of whom I’ve never met) and LOTS of opinions. Welcome to my big fat Bangladeshi wedding. To do: Find top makeup artist Create meaningful favours Outdo my cousins impending nuptials Have nervous breakdown? I’ve found my dream man but will my wedding day be a nightmare? From book 3, The Secret Diary of a Bengali Newlywed: New husband. New city. New in-laws and new expectations. Welcome to my life as a Bengali newlywed. They say you don’t just marry the guy, you marry the whole family. They also say you don’t really know someone until you live with them. But, surely, after the challenge of finding a man, and the nightmare of planning my big fat Bangladeshi wedding, this newlywed phase is the easy bit, right? Right?! About the author Halima Khatun is a former journalist (having worked for ITV and the BBC), writer and PR consultant. With a lifelong passion for writing, Halima wrote her first novel - a coming-of-age children's story - at the age of 12. It was politely turned down by all the major publishing houses. Halima went on to study English and Journalism and was one of just four people in the UK to be granted a BBC scholarship during her postgraduate studies. She has since written for a number of publications including the HuffPost and Yahoo! Style, and has been featured in the Express, Metro and other national publications. Halima also blogs on lifestyle, food and travel and parenthood on HalimaBobs. Keywords: diverse romcom, diverse books, diverse reads, romantic comedy, muslim comedy, british bengali, women's fiction, clean and wholesome romance.