Childless By Marriage

First you marry a man who does not want children. He cheats and you divorce him. Then you marry the love of your life and find out he does not want to have children with you either. The three he has are more than enough. Although you always wanted to be a mother, you decide he is worth the sacrifice, expecting to have a long happy life together. But that's not what happens. This is the story of how a woman becomes childless by marriage and how it affects every aspect of her life. This is the book of my heart, the one I had to write. Ever since I realized I was not going to have children, I have felt recurring grief and an emptiness in my heart. I am different from most women, but I have found that I am not alone. There are many of us childless women, and I think it's important to share our stories about what it's like when you don't have children in a world where most girls grow up to become mothers. I hope this book offers comfort to those who are childless and understanding to those who are not. If it makes you smile here and there, even better.

It's like this giant secret that is right in front of everyone. One in five women reach menopause without having children. For more than half of them, it was not by choice. At least not their own. They don't have children because their partners were unable or unwilling to have children with them. This happens to men, too. Hooked up with a partner who a) never wanted children, b) already has kids from a previous relationship, c) never quite felt ready for parenthood, d) has had a vasectomy, or e) has fertility problems, they are forced to make a choice between this man or woman they love and the children they might have had. It's an unfair choice, one nobody should have to make, but the readers of my previous book and my blog, both titled Childless by Marriage, have to make it. The decision you make will affect everything else in your life. This book, Love or Children, is a compilation of the best of more than 700 posts and comments from the Childless by Marriage blog. Think Dear Abby or Dear Sugar, except I ask the questions and the anonymous readers answer them, sharing their own experience and advice. Love or Children unveils the secrets we don't feel comfortable telling our families, friends, our partners, or even our therapists. It also contains information and advice people in this situation--and their loved ones--need to read. Chapters tackle how childless relationships happen, whether to stay or look for someone else, how to deal with the grief of losing the chance to have children, how to cope with people's clueless comments and questions, the joys and frustrations of stepchildren, how to prepare for old age, and more.

While interest in the drivers, consequences, nature and manifestations of voluntary and involuntary childlessness increases, knowledge progress is hampered by poor linkages across disjointed research fields. The book brings together theoretical insights and empirical investigations into the phenomenon, united within a feminist conceptual framework.

This book is published open access under a CC BY 4.0 license. This open access book provides an overview of childlessness throughout Europe. It offers a collection of papers written by leading demographers and sociologists that examine contexts, causes, and consequences of childlessness in countries throughout the region.The book features data from all over Europe. It specifically highlights patterns of childlessness in Germany, France, the United Kingdom, Finland, Sweden, Austria and Switzerland. An additional chapter on childlessness in the United States puts the European experience in perspective. The book offers readers such insights as the determinants of lifelong childlessness, whether governments can and should counteract increasing childlessness, how the phenomenon differs across social strata and the role economic uncertainties play. In addition, the book also examines life course dynamics and biographical patterns, assisted reproduction as well as the consequences of childlessness. Childlessness has been increasing rapidly in most European countries in recent decades. This book offers readers expert analysis into this issue from leading experts in the field of family behavior. From causes to consequences, it explores the many facets of childlessness throughout Europe to present a comprehensive portrait of this important demographic and sociological trend.

Melanie Notkin wants to change our perceptions about childless women. The rise of childless women is one of the most overlooked and under-appreciated social issues of our time. Never previously have more women lived longer before having their first child or remained childless toward the end of their fertility. In the U.S., the level of childlessness of women age forty to forty-four has doubled, from 10 percent in 1976 to 20 percent in 2006. Society assumes that women either are mothers or choose not to be mothers, but waiting for love and marriage—or at least a committed union—before embarking on motherhood seems to be the least acceptable life choice for the modern woman. Nearly half of North American women of childbearing age are childless,a steep rise from 35 percent in 1976. Nevertheless, childless women are perceived as the exception, not the norm. In Otherhood, Melanie Notkin explores this modern phenomenon to understand the reasons for this shift, the social and emotional impact of childlessness, and how this “new normal” will impact social structures in the decades to come. Part anecdotal storytelling, part inspirational, part reportage, and part manifesto, Otherhood sets out to get to the heart of the issues, enliven the societal consciousness, and trigger conversation. Notkin offers a very personal take on a trend that affects so many modern women.

According to American Demographics magazine, by the year 2010 the number of married couples without children is expected to increase by nearly 50%, to nearly 31 million. The non-profit organization, Childless By Choice, reports that one in seven married couples in the United States is consciously deciding not to have children. For more married couples than ever before, their life plan together does not include raising a family. Yet, as these numbers grow, in many ways society continues to frown on the choice not to have children. Although more couples are making this decision, they often feel misunderstood, and face societal misperceptions about themselves, their marriage, and their choice not to have children. Through candid interviews and photographs, Families of Two: Interviews with Happily Married Couples Without Children by Choice takes us into the lives of happily married couples without children by choice. It dispels the myths often associated with this choice, helps couples who are deciding whether to have children, and offers insight to friends and family of couples who have chosen or may choose not to have children. Families of Two expands our ways of understanding marriage in todays society, and gives examples of roadmaps for marriage without children. Families of Two celebrates the many people who are living lives that do not include parenthood, and the many ways to live happily ever after.

Childlessness is often viewed as a problem to be fixed. Many childless people are plagued with advice about relaxing, praying more and 'just' adopting. In church congregations, where children and families usually form the majority, childless people frequently feel isolated and excluded. The key to surviving childlessness lies not in simply 'fixing it' but in solidarity, healthy grieving and embracing one's vulnerabilities. In Surviving Childlessness I tell thirteen people's unique stories of childlessness and share my own story of being childless-by-forced-choice. With compassion, frankness and humour, we explore how healing can be found in re-discovering and re-inventing ourselves and in embracing the mysteries of God, even-or especially-in suffering.

Featured in multiple “must-read” lists, No One Tells You This is “sharp, intimate…A funny, frank, and fearless memoir…and a refreshing view of the possibilities—and pitfalls—personal freedom can offer modern women” (Kirkus Reviews). If the story doesn’t end with marriage or a child, what then? This question plagued Glynnis MacNicol on the eve of her fortieth birthday. Despite a successful career as a writer, and an exciting life in New York City, Glynnis was constantly reminded she had neither of the things the world expected of a woman her age: a partner or a baby. She knew she was supposed to feel bad about this. After all, single women and those without children are often seen as objects of pity or indulgent spoiled creatures who think only of themselves. Glynnis refused to be cast into either of those roles, and yet the question remained: What now? There was no good blueprint for how to be a woman alone in the world. It was time to create one. Over the course of her fortieth year, which this ​“beguiling” (The Washington Post) memoir chronicles, Glynnis embarks on a revealing journey of self-discovery that continually contradicts everything she’d been led to expect. Through the trials of family illness and turmoil, and the thrills of far-flung travel and adventures with men, young and old (and sometimes wearing cowboy hats), she wrestles with her biggest hopes and fears about love, death, sex, friendship, and loneliness. In doing so, she discovers that holding the power to determine her own fate requires a resilience and courage that no one talks about, and is more rewarding than anyone imagines. “Amid the raft of motherhood memoirs out this summer, it’s refreshing to read a book unapologetically dedicated to the fulfillment of single life” (Vogue). No One Tells You This is an “honest” (Huffington Post) reckoning with modern womanhood and “a perfect balance between edgy and poignant” (People)—an exhilarating journey that will resonate with anyone determined to live by their own rules.