Diddlysquat

Pull on your wellies, grab your flat cap and join Jeremy Clarkson in this hilarious and fascinating behind-the-scenes look at the infamous Diddly Squat Farm THE NO. 1 SUNDAY TIMES BESTSELLER 'Brilliant . . . laugh-out-loud' Daily Telegraph 'Outrageously funny . . . will have you in stitches' Time Out _________ Welcome to Clarkson's farm. It's always had a nice ring to it. Jeremy just never thought that one day his actual job would be 'a farmer'. And, sadly, it doesn't mean he's any good at it. From buying the wrong tractor (Lamborghini, since you ask . . .) to formation combine harvesting, getting tied-up in knots of red tape to chasing viciously athletic cows, our hero soon learns that enthusiasm alone might not be enough. Jeremy may never succeed in becoming master of his land, but, as he's discovering, the fun lies in the trying . . . _________ 'Very funny . . . I cracked up laughing on the tube' Evening Standard Praise for Clarkson's Farm: 'The best thing Clarkson's done . . . it pains me to say this' GUARDIAN 'Shockingly hopeful' INDEPENDENT 'Even the most committed Clarkson haters will find him likeable here' TELEGRAPH 'Quite lovely' THE TIMES

The hilarious new collection of stories and observations from Jeremy Clarkson - setting our off-kilter world to rights with thigh-slapping wit once again. Who is that tractor-driving Gentleman Farmer? Has Jeremy turned into a horny-handed son of the soil? These and other perplexing questions may or may not be answered in the latest volume of Clarkson's utterly unbiased musings on life, the universe and everything in between (except cars - this isn't one of his four-wheel drive books). Inside you'll also discover why: · Bathing in crude oil isn't for everyone · People who go fishing hate their kids · Noise-cancelling headphones will never silence James May · The rambler who stole his marrow is in for it Full of fact-checked opinions and ideas so good they're no longer following the science but chasing it up a tree, Can You Make This Thing Go Faster? is one hundred per cent guaranteed Clarkson . . . Praise for Clarkson: 'Brilliant . . . laugh-out-loud' Daily Telegraph 'Outrageously funny . . . will have you in stitches' Time Out 'Very funny . . . I cracked up laughing on the tube' Evening Standard

"[Poppy’s] recipes are unshowy, unfussy (for all her Michelin training) and simply make you want to go skipping into the kitchen to cook."—Nigella Lawson, Nigella.com With Chef and TikTok sensation Poppy O’Toole you'll learn the basics, up your cooking game, with delicious results every time. This is a cookbook with no judgement. Together, we’ll learn how to make incredible food at home. We’ll start with the basics: 12 core recipes (or go-to skills) that everyone needs to know, like how to make a pasta sauce, roast a chicken or make a killer salad dressing. Then we’ll use these core skills as a base for delicious and adaptable recipes that will up your cooking game—the Staple, the Brunch, the Potato Hero (of course they make an appearance) and the Fancy AF. So, once you’ve nailed that classic tomato sauce (which I promise will become the new go-to in your kitchen), you can stir it through pasta, or bake it with eggs for the perfect Shakshuka and, before you know it, you’ll be getting real fancy and making a show-stopping Chicken Parmigiana to impress your friends. I'll walk you through 75 delicious recipes, including: White Sauce: think Mac and Cheese and Bacon-y Garlicky Gratin. Dough: easy flatbreads for Halloumi Avo Breads and Salmon Tikka wraps. Emulsions: Chicken Caesar Salad with homemade mayo and next level Steak Béarnaise with Hollandaise and Crunchy Roast Chips. Meringue: from Eton Mess Pancakes through to Simply the Zest Lemon Meringue Pie Whether you’re completely new to the kitchen or looking to elevate your basics with clever tricks, my step-by-step guidance will help you nail delicious food every time. As a Michelin-trained chef with over ten years’ experience in professional kitchens, I’ve done the years of training so you don’t have to. It’s okay to make a few mistakes along the way, and together, we'll help you fix them and achieve incredible results at home. I am passionate about the importance of great food at home, every day—it’s what we all deserve. This is not just the food you want. It’s the food you need.

Diddlysquat is something you may have never heard about. It is something you do not know, something others do not know, and something only God knows. In this book, you will discover many things that will amuse, befuddle, irritate, tickle, and astonish you. It is a book for trivia lovers, sports lovers (especially football), life lovers, love lovers, and church lovers--although that last one may not be on the positive side. There are many discoveries presented here that will simplify your understanding of many things unknown to you. Most of all, there are literary snippets that relate to life and what you believe in. Prepare to learn more about religion, life, and history--and sometimes laugh at the truths that are worded so well they can hurt you. Diddlysquat, by Wilkie Lee Jernigan, is work that is both entertaining and candid--painfully--in its every leaf. About the Author Wilkie Lee Jernigan was born in North Carolina but now lives in Virginia. He and his wife, Marie, have been in Chesapeake for the past eighteen years. Aside from his career in the Navy, he also worked for the postal service. Writing is something he does to occupy his time and this book is his first published work.

Computer programming is a good exercise for the mind, and it’s an essential skill that can serve anyone well into adulthood. In C Is for Children, author and engineer D. Michael Parrish introduces children to the C programming language. Parrish presents lessons that focus on the C keywords. C Is for Children discusses all thirty-two keywords of the C89 standard andprovides over twenty example programs, along with guidewordsand a thorough glossary. Designed for third-, fourth-, and fifth-gradestudents, this textbook is an easy-to-follow, step-by-step learning toolfor kids interested in writing their own programs. Praise for C Is for Children “D. Michael Parrish is the Dr. Seuss of the digital age.” —George Matsoukas, author “In a world of slavish conformity, this book is a refreshing, innovative, and entertaining contribution to children’s literature.” —Alex Bellas, EdD

Get tucked in to a third bestselling helping of Clarkson's Farm from our favourite wellie-wearing wannabe farmer, Jeremy Clarkson Welcome back to Clarkson's Farm. Since taking the wheel three years ago Jeremy's had his work cut out. And it's now clear from hard-won experience that, when it comes to farming, there's only one golden rule: Whatever you hope will happen, won't. Enthusiastic schemes to diversify have met with stubborn opposition from the red trouser brigade, defeat at the hands of Council Planning department, and predictable derision from Kaleb - although, to be fair, even Lisa had doubts about Jeremy's brilliant plan to build a business empire founded on rewilding and nettle soup. And only Cheerful Charlie is still smiling about the stifling amount of red tape that's incoming . . . But he charges by the hour. Then there are the animals: the sheep are gone; the cows have been joined by a rented bull called Break-Heart Maestro;. the pigs are making piglets; and the goats have turned out to be psychopaths. But despite the naysayers and (sometimes self-inflicted) setbacks, Jeremy remains irrepressibly optimistic about life at Diddly Squat. Because It's hard not to be when you get to harvest blackberries with a vacuum cleaner. And, after all, it shouldn't just be Break-heart Maestro who gets to enjoy a happy ending . . . Diddly Squat, Number 1 Sunday Times bestseller, October 2022

THE NO. 1 SUNDAY TIMES BESTSELLER Head back down to Clarkson Farm with the latest bestseller from our favourite welly-wearing wannabe farmer, Jeremy Clarkson ___________ Enthusiastic trainee farmer Jeremy Clarkson made just £144 in his first year at Diddly Squat Farm. This year he's determined to do better. Not because he now knows what he's doing. But because he's fed up of getting stick from Kaleb. Yet farming continues to be a challenge. For instance . . . · Loading a grain trailer was more demanding than flying an Apache gunship? · Cows were more dangerous than motor-racing? · It's easier to get planning permission to build a nuclear plant than to turn a barn into a restaurant? Jeremy's always got a plan. Loads of them. Often cunning. Not always greeted with wild enthusiasm by Kaleb and Cheerful Charlie, however . . . ___________ PRAISE FOR DIDDLY SQUAT 'Clarkson has done more for farmers in one series than Countryfile achieved in 30 years' James Rebanks, author of A Shepherd's Life 'Clarkson has showcased the passion, humour and personalities of the people who work throughout the year to grow the nation's food . . . and brought an understanding of many of the issues faced by farmers to the British public' National Farmers Union 'A deserving Farming Champion of the Year' Farmers Weekly 'I don't know anything about farming. It's like David Attenborough doing jet-skiing, or Nicholas Witchell saying, "I'm going to be a cage fighter'" Jeremy Clarkson

When precocious Mandolin MacDuff wakes up in a strange room, she feels scared, abandoned and then total emptiness turned her body into mush. But when she looked out her window, the only window, she sees a tall man driving a machine with one arm up and down, up and down. She studied him through her tears, discovered his other arm was kind of withered, hung loosely, and didn't seem to bother him. That meant he was brave. Cool! He would be her friend." And so begins a captivating generational story; a thirty-year quest into a complex world to find her way, to learn the truth, the secret of her past and the ever illusive hakka bakka