F Cking History

History that doesn't suck: Smart, crude, and hilariously relevant to modern life. Those who don't know history are doomed to repeat it. Too bad it's usually boring as sh*t. Enter The Captain, the ultimate storyteller who brings history to life (and to your life) in this hilarious, intelligent, brutally honest, and crude compendium to events that happened before any of us were born. The entries in this compulsively readable book bridge past and present with topics like getting ghosted, handling haters, and why dog owners rule (sorry, cat people). Along the way you'll get a glimpse of Edith Wharton's sex life, dating rituals in Ancient Greece, catfishing in 500 BC, medieval flirting techniques, and squad goals from Catherine the Great. You'll learn why losing yourself in a relationship will make you crazy--like Joanna of Castile, who went from accomplished badass to Joanna the Mad after obsessing over a guy known as Philip the Handsome. You'll discover how Resting Bitch Face has been embraced throughout history (so wear it proudly). And you'll see why it's never a good idea to f*ck with powerful women--from pirate queens to diehard suffragettes to Cleo-f*cking-patra. People in the past were just like us--so learn from life's losers and emulate the badasses. The Captain shows you how.

If you disliked learning about history in school, it's because you didn't have a teacher like this. Intelligent, brutally honest, and crude ¿ learning about history doesn't suck when you're learning from The Captain. Each of his 52 lessons bridges the gap between history and everyday life with relatable topics and an outlook that can only be described as "slightly f'd up."

“If Sapiens was a testament to human sophistication, this history of failure cheerfully reminds us that humans are mostly idiots.” —Greg Jenner, author of A Million Years in a Day Now an International Bestseller A Toronto Star–Bestselling Book of the Year Modern humans have come a long way in the seventy thousand years they’ve walked the earth. Art, science, culture, trade—on the evolutionary food chain, we’re true winners. But it hasn’t always been smooth sailing, and sometimes—just occasionally—we’ve managed to truly f*ck things up. Weaving together history, science, politics and pop culture, Humans offers a panoramic exploration of humankind in all its glory, or lack thereof. From Lucy, our first ancestor, who fell out of a tree and died, to General Zhou Shou of China, who stored gunpowder in his palace before a lantern festival, to the Austrian army attacking itself one drunken night, to the most spectacular fails of the present day, Humans reveals how even the most mundane mistakes can shift the course of civilization as we know it. Lively, wry and brimming with brilliant insight, this unique compendium offers a fresh take on world history and is one of the most entertaining reads of the year. “It’s hard to imagine someone other than Phillips pulling off a 250+ page roast of mankind, but his perfect blend of brilliance and goofiness makes it a joy to read.” —Buzzfeed “With the delicate touch of a scholar and the laugh-out-loud chops of a comedian, Tom Phillips shows us how our species has been messing things up . . . [for] four million years.” —Steve Brusatte, New York Times–bestselling author

A no-holds-barred chronicle meets self-help guide from the bestselling author, rapper, artist, and chef Action Bronson From the New York Times bestselling author, chef-turned-rapper, and host of Viceland’s F*ck, That’s Delicious and The Untitled Action Bronson Show, F*ck It, I’ll Start Tomorrow is a brutally honest chronicle about struggles with weight, food addiction, and the journey to self-acceptance. In his signature voice, Action Bronson shares all that he’s learned in the past decade to help you help yourself. This isn’t a road map to attaining a so-called perfect body. Instead, Bronson will share his journey to find confidence, keep the negative vibes at bay, stay sane, chill out, and not look in the mirror hoping to see anyone but yourself. F*ck It, I’ll Start Tomorrow is not about losing weight—it’s about being and feeling excellent regardless of your size or shape. It’s about living f*cking healthy, period.

“Total F*cking Godhead brings Chris Cornell, the voice of a generation, alive on the page. Impressively researched and compulsively readable, Godhead pulls no punches in recounting Cornell’s remarkable life and prolific career. It’s an inspired chronicle of an impassioned soul. Read it!” —Greg Renoff, author of Van Halen Rising With input from those who knew and worked with him—together with his own words—Total F*cking Godhead recounts the rise of Chris Cornell and his immortal band Soundgarden as they emerged from the 1980s post-punk underground to dominate popular culture in the ’90s alongside Pearl Jam, Alice In Chains, and Nirvana. “From his days as a struggling Seattle musician at the forefront of the grunge scene to becoming a global icon, Total F*cking Godhead thoroughly chronicles the life story and prolific output of one of the greatest and most influential singers of all time. You will discover the man and his music all over again.” —David de Sola, author of Alice in Chains: The Untold Story Seattle resident and rock writer Corbin Reiff also examines Cornell’s dynamic solo career as well as his time in Audioslave. He delves into his hard-fought battle with addiction, and the supercharged reunion with the band that made him famous before everything came to a shocking end. “For those of us still trying to sort out the tragedy of Chris Cornell's death comes this loving look back at the man's life and music. I wrote my own book about grunge, and I still learned a lot from this excellent biography." —Mark Yarm, author of Everybody Loves Our Town: An Oral History of Grunge

Brutally honest, often hilarious, hard-won lessons in learning to love and care for yourself from a former vice president at Comedy Central who was called “ahead of her time” by Jordan Peele “You’re going to want Tara Schuster to become your new best friend.”—Glennon Doyle, #1 New York Times bestselling author of Untamed “Compelling, persuasive, and useful no matter where you are in your life.”—Chelsea Handler, #1 New York Times bestselling author of Life Will Be the Death of Me By the time she was in her late twenties, Tara Schuster was a rising TV executive who had worked for The Daily Show with Jon Stewart and helped launch Key & Peele to viral superstardom. By all appearances, she had mastered being a grown-up. But beneath that veneer of success, she was a chronically anxious, self-medicating mess. No one knew that her road to adulthood had been paved with depression, anxiety, and shame, owing in large part to her minimally parented upbringing. She realized she’d hit rock bottom when she drunk-dialed her therapist pleading for help. Buy Yourself the F*cking Lilies is the story of Tara’s path to re-parenting herself and becoming a “ninja of self-love.” Through simple, daily rituals, Tara transformed her mind, body, and relationships, and shows how to • fake gratitude until you actually feel gratitude • excavate your emotional wounds and heal them with kindness • identify your self-limiting beliefs, kick them to the curb, and start living a life you choose • silence your inner frenemy and shield yourself from self-criticism • carve out time each morning to start your day empowered, inspired, and ready to rule • create a life you truly, totally f*cking LOVE This is the book Tara wished someone had given her and it is the book many of us desperately need: a candid, hysterical, addictively readable, practical guide to growing up (no matter where you are in life) and learning to love yourself in a non-throw-up-in-your-mouth-it’s-so-cheesy way.

Originally published: London: Jonathan Cape, Random House, 2008.

An entertaining, page-turning overview of Italian-American history and culture From ancient Rome to modern America, we Italians have always been the friggin’ best in art, science, culture and—Madonn’—food! Now, this fascinating collection of Italian history, people, facts and trivia will make you proudly say, “F*ck you, I’m Italian,” including . . . Culture—from the Renaissance to The Godfather Music—from Frank Sinatra to Lady Gaga History—from gladiators to Rocky Food—from sauce to cannoli Family—from Sunday mass to Sunday dinner