F Cking History

History that doesn't suck: Smart, crude, and hilariously relevant to modern life. Those who don't know history are doomed to repeat it. Too bad it's usually boring as sh*t. Enter The Captain, the ultimate storyteller who brings history to life (and to your life) in this hilarious, intelligent, brutally honest, and crude compendium to events that happened before any of us were born. The entries in this compulsively readable book bridge past and present with topics like getting ghosted, handling haters, and why dog owners rule (sorry, cat people). Along the way you'll get a glimpse of Edith Wharton's sex life, dating rituals in Ancient Greece, catfishing in 500 BC, medieval flirting techniques, and squad goals from Catherine the Great. You'll learn why losing yourself in a relationship will make you crazy--like Joanna of Castile, who went from accomplished badass to Joanna the Mad after obsessing over a guy known as Philip the Handsome. You'll discover how Resting Bitch Face has been embraced throughout history (so wear it proudly). And you'll see why it's never a good idea to f*ck with powerful women--from pirate queens to diehard suffragettes to Cleo-f*cking-patra. People in the past were just like us--so learn from life's losers and emulate the badasses. The Captain shows you how.

History that doesn't suck: Smart, crude, and hilariously relevant to modern life. Those who don't know history are doomed to repeat it. Too bad it's usually boring as sh*t. Enter The Captain, the ultimate storyteller who brings history to life (and to your life) in this hilarious, intelligent, brutally honest, and crude compendium to events that happened before any of us were born. The entries in this compulsively readable book bridge past and present with topics like getting ghosted, handling haters, and why dog owners rule (sorry, cat people). Along the way you'll get a glimpse of Edith Wharton's sex life, dating rituals in Ancient Greece, catfishing in 500 BC, medieval flirting techniques, and squad goals from Catherine the Great. You'll learn why losing yourself in a relationship will make you crazy--like Joanna of Castile, who went from accomplished badass to Joanna the Mad after obsessing over a guy known as Philip the Handsome. You'll discover how Resting Bitch Face has been embraced throughout history (so wear it proudly). And you'll see why it's never a good idea to f*ck with powerful women--from pirate queens to diehard suffragettes to Cleo-f*cking-patra. People in the past were just like us--so learn from life's losers and emulate the badasses. The Captain shows you how.

“If Sapiens was a testament to human sophistication, this history of failure cheerfully reminds us that humans are mostly idiots.” —Greg Jenner, author of A Million Years in a Day Now an International Bestseller A Toronto Star–Bestselling Book of the Year Modern humans have come a long way in the seventy thousand years they’ve walked the earth. Art, science, culture, trade—on the evolutionary food chain, we’re true winners. But it hasn’t always been smooth sailing, and sometimes—just occasionally—we’ve managed to truly f*ck things up. Weaving together history, science, politics and pop culture, Humans offers a panoramic exploration of humankind in all its glory, or lack thereof. From Lucy, our first ancestor, who fell out of a tree and died, to General Zhou Shou of China, who stored gunpowder in his palace before a lantern festival, to the Austrian army attacking itself one drunken night, to the most spectacular fails of the present day, Humans reveals how even the most mundane mistakes can shift the course of civilization as we know it. Lively, wry and brimming with brilliant insight, this unique compendium offers a fresh take on world history and is one of the most entertaining reads of the year. “It’s hard to imagine someone other than Phillips pulling off a 250+ page roast of mankind, but his perfect blend of brilliance and goofiness makes it a joy to read.” —Buzzfeed “With the delicate touch of a scholar and the laugh-out-loud chops of a comedian, Tom Phillips shows us how our species has been messing things up . . . [for] four million years.” —Steve Brusatte, New York Times–bestselling author

If you disliked learning about history in school, it's because you didn't have a teacher like this. Intelligent, brutally honest, and crude ¿ learning about history doesn't suck when you're learning from The Captain. Each of his 52 lessons bridges the gap between history and everyday life with relatable topics and an outlook that can only be described as "slightly f'd up."

The hilarious, irreverent guide to world history you never knew you needed, featuring 366 profanity-filled tales of triumph and terror, science and stupidity, courage and cowardice Those who cannot remember the past . . . need a history teacher who says “f*ck” a lot. Nazis are bad. The worst kind of bad. There are no very fine people among them. If you disagree, you won’t like this book. Still here? Cool. You are about to receive an education unlike any you’ve previously experienced. In this uproarious and informative tour from ancient times to the modern day and everything in between, James Fell, the self-proclaimed “sweary historian,” reveals a past replete with deeds both noble and despicable. Throughout the book, he provides insightful analysis of all the sh!t that went down. Behold! • In 1927, actress Mae West was sent to jail for “corrupting the morals of youth” with her first Broadway play, titled Sex. She served the time and followed up with a play about homosexuality. • In 1419, church reformers in Prague, vexed over their leader having been burned at the stake, defenestrated city leaders from a high window. They died, because those kinds of Czechs don’t bounce. • If you were in the province of Shaanxi in China on January 23, 1556, then it sucked to be you. It wasn’t the biggest earthquake ever, but it was the deadliest day in history. • In 362 B.C.E., a battle between Greek city states debilitated both sides, making the region ripe for conquering by Phillip of Macedon—aka Alex the Great’s dad—and spelling the end of Greek democracy. • In 1343, the husband of noblewoman Jeanne de Clisson was unjustly executed by the king of France. Furious, Jeanne became a pirate, selling all her possessions to fund a fleet and exact revenge. • During World War II, three Dutch teens used their beauty to lure Nazis into the forest with the promise of a good time, then out came the guns and BLAM! They sent them off to Nazi hell. If reading history doesn’t make you want to swear like a mom with a red-wine hangover walking barefoot through a LEGO-filled living room, then you’re not reading the right history. Across the ages, over 100 billion humans have lived and died. Some were motivated by greed, others by generosity. Many dedicated themselves to the art of killing, while others were focused on curing. There have been grave mistakes, and moments of greatness. And that is why . . . sh!t happens. Every day.

A no-holds-barred chronicle meets self-help guide from the bestselling author, rapper, artist, and chef Action Bronson From the New York Times bestselling author, chef-turned-rapper, and host of Viceland’s F*ck, That’s Delicious and The Untitled Action Bronson Show, F*ck It, I’ll Start Tomorrow is a brutally honest chronicle about struggles with weight, food addiction, and the journey to self-acceptance. In his signature voice, Action Bronson shares all that he’s learned in the past decade to help you help yourself. This isn’t a road map to attaining a so-called perfect body. Instead, Bronson will share his journey to find confidence, keep the negative vibes at bay, stay sane, chill out, and not look in the mirror hoping to see anyone but yourself. F*ck It, I’ll Start Tomorrow is not about losing weight—it’s about being and feeling excellent regardless of your size or shape. It’s about living f*cking healthy, period.

An entertaining, page-turning overview of Italian-American history and culture From ancient Rome to modern America, we Italians have always been the friggin’ best in art, science, culture and—Madonn’—food! Now, this fascinating collection of Italian history, people, facts and trivia will make you proudly say, “F*ck you, I’m Italian,” including . . . Culture—from the Renaissance to The Godfather Music—from Frank Sinatra to Lady Gaga History—from gladiators to Rocky Food—from sauce to cannoli Family—from Sunday mass to Sunday dinner

Happiness is big business. Books, consultants, psychologists, organizations, and even governments tout happiness secrets that are backed by scientific findings. The problem is that all of this science is done by and for cis white men. And some of the most vocal of these happiness experts were announcing that women could become happier by espousing "traditional" values and eschewing feminism. Skeptical of this hypothesis, Ariel Gore took a deep dive into the optimism industrial complex, reading the history, combing the research, attending the conferences, interviewing the thought leaders, and exploring her own and her friends' personal experiences and desires. Fuck Happiness is a nuanced, thoughtful examination of what happiness means and to whom, how it's played a role in defining modern gender roles and power structures, and how we can all have a more empowered relationship with the pursuit of joy in our lives.