How Can I Forgive You

“If you are struggling with issues of betrayal—or the challenge of whether and how to forgive—here is the most helpful and surprising book you will ever find on the subject.”—Harriet Lerner, Ph.D., author of The Dance of Anger Everyone is struggling to forgive someone: an unfaithful partner, an alcoholic parent, an ungrateful child, a terrorist. This award-winning book provides a radical way for hurt parties to heal themselves—without forgiving, as well as a way for offenders to earn genuine forgiveness. Until now, we’ve been taught that forgiveness is good for us and that good people forgive. Dr. Janis Abrahms Spring, a gifted clinical psychologist and award-winning author of After the Affair, proposes a radical, life-affirming alternative that lets us overcome the corrosive effects of hate and get on with our lives—without forgiving. She also offers a powerful and unconventional model for earning genuine forgiveness—one that asks as much of the offender as it does of the hurt party. Beautifully written and filled with insight, practical advice, and poignant case studies, this bold and healing book offers step-by-step, concrete instructions that help us make peace with others and ourselves, while answering such crucial questions as these: How do I forgive someone who is unremorseful or dead? When is forgiveness cheap? Can I heal myself – without forgiving? How can the offender earn forgiveness? What makes for a good apology? How do we forgive ourselves for hurting another human being?

Have you ever been hurt, betrayed, used or done wrong? At some point in life, we all experience wounds from others. But, staying hurt is not okay. When we refuse to let go of the hurt, it turns to unforgiveness and unforgiveness is like drinking poison and expecting the other guy to die. It eats our lunch. This book is all about HOW to forgive, how to dig into the Bible when you've been hurt and let the Word set you free. Forgiveness is how God does do-overs and it's how He makes things new and gives us a fresh start. You and I were made new because He forgave us. Forgiveness is the key to cut the chain to our past hurts and to walk away free. This book shows the power of forgiveness and includes miracle stories about people who thought that forgiveness wasn't the answer to their problems, but when they learned to forgive, their lives were transformed!

Learn from the story of Joseph how to forgive, find peace, and move forward, even when it’s hard. Life gets messy sometimes. When relationships break down and you're deeply hurt, it can feel impossible to move forward. But the Bible has wisdom for a way through. Using the story of Joseph and his brothers as a model, author Wendy Alsup explores what repentance, forgiveness, and reconciliation can look like, even in extremely difficult circumstances. Readers will see that peace, freedom, and fruitfulness really are possible, even when certain things can't be fixed. Readers will also be encouraged by the reminder of God’s ultimate plan for reconciliation and can look forward to being part of it in the new creation. Includes present-day examples and stories of lives transformed by the power of forgiveness, including the author’s own struggles.

'A practical guide by the man Time magazine has called “the forgiveness trailblazer.” While it may seem like a simple enough act, forgiveness is a difficult, delicate process which, if executed correctly, can be profoundly moving and a deep learning experience. Whatever the scenario may be—whether you need to make peace with a certain situation, with a loved one or friend, or with a total stranger—the process of forgiveness is an art and a science, and this hands-on guide walks readers through it in 8 key steps. How can we become forgivingly “fit”? How can we identify the source of our pain and inner turmoil? How can we find meaning in what we have suffered, or learn to forgive ourselves? What should we do when forgiveness feels like a particularly tall order? All these questions and more are answered in this practical book, leading us to become more tolerant, compassionate, and hopeful human beings.

Building on her signature message of using the mind to master difficult emotions, Joyce Meyer focuses on the most destructive, insidious one of all: anger. It is responsible for broken relationships, sleepless nights, high blood pressure and ulcers. It destroys friendships, marriages and families, not to mention peace of mind. Anger is especially hard to handle for many Christians who have learned from childhood that "good Christians don't get angry." Meyer argues that properly handled, anger is an alert system that something is wrong and needs to be resolved. In her latest book, she delves into the important process of forgiving, explaining its positive impact on the roots, the forms and the results of anger. Why forgive? Joyce explains that forgiving is the only thing that can free one from the terrible turmoil that anger causes to spill over into every part of life. Meyer understands that life will never be fair, but that is not a reason to let anger destroy our well-being and health. This is her guide to navigating that thorny territory and finding true peace.

Archbishop Desmond Tutu, Nobel Peace Prize winner, Chair of The Elders, and Chair of South Africa’s Truth and Reconciliation Commission, along with his daughter, the Reverend Mpho Tutu, offer a manual on the art of forgiveness—helping us to realize that we are all capable of healing and transformation. Tutu's role as the Chair of the Truth and Reconciliation Commission taught him much about forgiveness. If you asked anyone what they thought was going to happen to South Africa after apartheid, almost universally it was predicted that the country would be devastated by a comprehensive bloodbath. Yet, instead of revenge and retribution, this new nation chose to tread the difficult path of confession, forgiveness, and reconciliation. Each of us has a deep need to forgive and to be forgiven. After much reflection on the process of forgiveness, Tutu has seen that there are four important steps to healing: Admitting the wrong and acknowledging the harm; Telling one's story and witnessing the anguish; Asking for forgiveness and granting forgiveness; and renewing or releasing the relationship. Forgiveness is hard work. Sometimes it even feels like an impossible task. But it is only through walking this fourfold path that Tutu says we can free ourselves of the endless and unyielding cycle of pain and retribution. The Book of Forgiving is both a touchstone and a tool, offering Tutu's wise advice and showing the way to experience forgiveness. Ultimately, forgiving is the only means we have to heal ourselves and our aching world.

“The most powerful spiritual healer, fixer, teacher on the planet.” —Oprah Winfrey What is the lesson in abuse, neglect, abandonment, rejection? What is the lesson when you lose someone you really love? Just what are the lessons of life's hard times? Bestselling author Iyanla Vanzant has had an amazing and difficult life—one of great challenges that unmasked her wonderful gifts and led to wisdom gained. In this simple book, she uses her own personal experiences to show how life's hardships can be re-languaged and revisioned to become lessons that teach us as we grow, heal, and learn to love. The pain of the past does not have to be today's reality. Iyanla Vanzant is an example of how yesterday's tears become the seeds of today's hope, renewal, and strength.

In our culture the belief that "To err is human, to forgive divine," is so prevalent that few of us question its wisdom. But do we ever completely forgive those who have betrayed us? Aren't some actions unforgivable? Can we achieve closure and healing without forgiving? Drawing on more than two decades of work as a practicing psychotherapist, more than fifty indepth interviews, and sterling research into the concept of forgiveness in our society, Dr. Jeanne Safer challenges popular opinion with her own searching answers to these and other questions. The result is a penetrating look at what is often a lonely, and perhaps unnecessary, struggle to forgive those who have hurt us the most and an illuminating examination of how to determine whether forgiveness is, indeed, the best path to take--and why, often, it is not.