I Hate Everyone Except You

From the bestselling author, beloved television host, and “arbiter of style and good taste in all areas” (People) comes a hilariously candid, deliciously snarky collection of essays about his journey from awkward kid to slightly-less-awkward adult. Clinton Kelly is probably best known for teaching women how to make their butts look smaller. But in I Hate Everyone, Except You, he reveals some heretofore-unknown secrets about himself, like that he’s a finicky connoisseur of 1980s pornography, a disillusioned critic of New Jersey’s premier water parks, and perhaps the world’s least enthused high-school commencement speaker. Whether he’s throwing his baby sister in the air to jumpstart her cheerleading career or heroically rescuing his best friend from death by mud bath, Clinton leaps life’s social hurdles with aplomb. With his signature wit and relatable voice, he shares his unique ability to navigate the stickiest of situations, like find true love in a crowded gay bar or deciding whether it’s acceptable to eat chicken wings with a fork on live television (spoiler: it’s not). Clinton delves into all these outrageous topics—and many more—in this thoroughly unabashedly frank and uproarious collection.

INSTANT NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER! A POPSUGAR "Best Young Adult Book of 2017" Pick An Autumn 2017 Indie Next Pick! Named by Bustle as one of the "16 Books The Internet Is Going To Be Obsessed With This Year" A Barnes & Noble Pick for “Most Anticipated LGBTQIAP YA Books of the Second Half of 2017” "Gaby Dunn and Allison Raskin have captured everything about the pain and excitement of that first terrifying, fabulous, confusing year on your own in college... In this epistolary novel, you live day by day with Ava and Gen, deep inside that friendship, so deep, it feels like it’s your own." —Francine Pascal, bestselling author of the Sweet Valley High series Perfect for fans of “Robin Talley’s What We Left Behind or Rainbow Rowell’s Fangirl” (School Library Journal, Starred Review), Gaby Dunn and Allison Raskin’s I Hate Everyone But You is a hilarious and heartfelt debut novel about new beginnings, love and heartbreak, and ultimately the power of friendship. Dear Best Friend, I can already tell that I will hate everyone but you. Sincerely, Ava Helmer (that brunette who won’t leave you alone) We're still in the same room, you weirdo. Stop crying. G So begins a series of texts and emails sent between two best friends, Ava and Gen, as they head off to their first semesters of college on opposite sides of the country. From first loves to weird roommates, heartbreak, self-discovery, coming out and mental health, the two of them document every wild and awkward moment to each other. But as each changes and grows into her new life, will their friendship be able to survive the distance?

In spare, poignant, direct prose, I Hate Everyone paints a nuanced and honest portrait of the complex emotional lives of children. "I hate everyone." In your worst mood, it's a phrase you might want to shout out loud, even if, deep down, you don't really mean it. Set at a birthday party, this disgruntled, first-person story portrays the confusing feelings that sometimes make it impossible to be nice, even-or especially-when everyone else is in a partying mode. A gorgeous, poetic contemplation, sure to elicit a reaction from readers. A worthy successor toAlexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day.

“An entertaining rant…The only thing missing is the sound of a drumroll and cymbals to feel as though one is sitting in a nightclub watching a live comedy marathon…A raucous, biting look at life.”—Kirkus Reviews “Nobody, but nobody, can hate like Joan Rivers. It is a gift. It is also shocking, the things she makes us laugh at…Joan Rivers is extraordinary, but she's not for the easily offended—or for anyone who gets offended at all.”—People Joan Rivers, comedienne, actress, jewelry monger, and an award-winning international star (she can sneer in eight different languages) lives by her own golden rule: Do unto others before they do unto you—and for God’s sakes, do it funny! Her career in comedy may have begun with self-loathing, but, after looking at the human decrepitude around her, she figured Why stop here when there are so many other things to hate? With all of her diverse experiences, Joan has looked down at, turned away from, and thrown up over a lot of hateful things, deplorable places, and despicable people. Thank God she took notes. Here—uncensored and uninhibited—Joan says exactly what’s on her mind…And HER mind is a terrible thing to waste. She proudly kicks the crap out of ugly children, dating rituals, funerals, and lousy restaurants. She nails First Ladies, closet cases, and hypocrites to the wall. She shows no mercy towards doctors and feminists, and even goes after Anne Frank and Stephen Hawking. Joan lets everyone—including herself—have it in this one hundred percent honest and unabashedly hilarious love letter to the hater in all of us.

One of this generation's hottest and boldest young comedians presents a transgressive and hilarious analysis of all of our dysfunctional relationships, and attempts to point us in the vague direction of sanity. Daniel Sloss's stand-up comedy engages, enrages, offends, unsettles, educates, comforts, and gets audiences roaring with laughter—all at the same time. In his groundbreaking specials, seen on Netflix and HBO, he has brilliantly tackled everything from male toxicity and friendship to love, romance, and marriage—and claims (with the data to back it up) that his on-stage laser-like dissection of relationships has single-handedly caused more than 300 divorces and 120,000 breakups. Now, in his first book, he picks up where his specials left off, and goes after every conceivable kind of relationship—with one's country (Sloss's is Scotland); with America; with lovers, ex-lovers, ex-lovers who you hate, ex-lovers who hate you; with parents; with best friends (male and female), not-best friends; with children; with siblings; and even with the global pandemic and our own mortality. In Everyone You Hate Is Going to Die, every human connection gets the brutally funny (and unfailingly incisive) Sloss treatment as he illuminates the ways in which all of our relationships are fragile and ridiculous and awful—but also valuable and meaningful and important.

For anyone who hates everyone, you are not alone. This book goes through all the miserable people you love to hate. Do you hate morning people? How about the guy who doesn’t wipe the ketchup top after using it? Or people who just don’t care? After all, isn’t hating just another form of caring? It's true: Misery does love company. But what kind of company can you keep if you can't stand anyone? This kind. No matter who they are or what they do that sets you off and gets you going, you'll find 'em inside. From rich people who are dicks to guys named Rich who go by Dick to those who are always cold to people who are just hot, no one is safe. But one thing is certain—everyone will find someone they equally despise. And you're gonna love it, period.

Ava and Gen are best friends. Ava knows what she wants and has plans to achieve her goals. Gen...not so much. But no matter how annoying, dramatic, or utterly bananas a 2 a.m. rant might get -- Ava has always been there for Gen and Gen for Ava. But then they graduated high school. Now, they're in the same time zone (although over a thousand miles apart), and in the real world, and it's the worst, but they still have each other's support. For relationships. Questionable roommates. Internships. And whether or not it's a good idea to take in a feral cat. Through their hilarious, sometimes emotional, conversations, Ava and Gen help each other navigate. But as the two of them start to change, will their friendship survive the distance? In Please Send Help, the hilarious new novel from the New York Times bestselling authors of I Hate Everyone But You, Allison Raskin and Gaby Dunn perfectly capture the voice of young adults looking to find their place in the world, proving no matter how desperate things seem, your best friend is always there to reboot your life and send help.

I hate that I'm going bald. I hate that I still make fun of bald people. I hate karma. Amateur haters, step aside. Time to learn what it really means to be miserable. Because this guy hates everything. From hating the little irks that happen now and then (like the water that squirts out of the mustard bottle) to hating the unfortunate realities of today's world (like that superheroes don't exist...but villains do), Matthew DiBenedetti tells readers how he really feels. With such a variety of miserable musings, you'll find something to laugh at—and someone to loathe with—in this book.