Jokes For All Occasions

Jokes for All Occasions is a joke book from the turn of the century. Many may be course by todays standards and many may be tame. It is summed up by the author as they state, "The ways of telling a story are as many as the tellers themselves. It is impossible to lay down precise rules by which any one may perfect himself in the art, but it is possible to offer suggestions by which to guide practise in narration toward a gratifying success." The joke book is full of many short jokes from the early twentieth century. Odin's Library Classics is dedicated to bringing the world the best of humankind's literature from throughout the ages. Carefully selected, each work is unabridged from classic works of fiction, nonfiction, poetry, or drama.

This top-selling collection of pure fun (more than 295,000 copies sold) is back with a fresh and lively new cover to reach more readers eager to laugh. Puns, one-liners, jester-worthy jokes, and quirky quips will amaze and astound friends and family. Giggles are guaranteed as readers enjoy the crazy conversations and hilarious observations— “Daddy, the teacher was reading the Bible to us—all about the children of Israel building the temple, the children of Israel crossing the Red Sea, the children of Israel making sacrifices. Didn’t the grownups do anything?” “You’re the laziest fellow I have seen. Don’t you do anything quickly?” “Yes, I get tired fast.” “I haven’t slept for days.” “How come?” “I only sleep at night!”

Be the life and soul of the party, make your friends laugh, prepare best man speech and choose your favourite topics from the pub to the golf course with our 1000+ joke compendium!

For a starter, let's face it; I made it to 94 years and frankly, that is an achievement that dwarf s anything else I can say about my long life so far, (and I ain't through yet.) If I were to point to the most significant event of my life I would have to say that I was a witness to a critical event in American history and perhaps in world history, the devastating attack on our Navy at Pearl Harbor on December 7, 1941. The rest of my life was somewhat nondescript in the overall scheme of things in this world. I was born (just like everyone else) in Holland Michigan, way back, a good 200 years ago. I was a musician from the start, playing the harmonica at 10 years old. (Also, later the ukulele, mandolin, Hawaiian guitar, orchestral guitar, and marimba.) My first performance was with the harmonica before my 8th grade class! Later on as a teenager I played in an orchestra and performed at dances, night clubs and church events. Currently, I duo on the classical guitar with my flute player playing occasional concerts. Now that I think of it, I was pretty good. Being a small 109 pound guy I joined the Navy in 1940 so as to not get drafted. WW2 was already raging in Europe. I had to enlist for 6 years. That put me in WW2 from the beginning to the end and then some. Hey, I also performed on the guitar in the Navy aboard ship (between naval battles!) Upon discharge in 1946 I joined with my high school buddy to get the first printed circuit patent. I am really proud of that because printed circuits are in everything that's electronic. And we started it! It was particularly smart of me because 40 years later I needed the printed circuit in my pacemaker! Such foresight! At the same time I entered college at MIT. Our patent royalties helped pay for tuition. As long as I am being proud, I may as well include graduating from that top technical school in the country, which is pretty good for a son of an immigrant from Italy. From thereon my engineering career included teaching at Cal Poly in San Luis Obispo lecturing at USC and work in computers and programming. But of course, most of my work was in the Defense industry. Now in retirement I am doing things I like to do: play music and write. Looking back I think that getting an engineering degree was a big mistake. I should have been a gigolo. Look at what I missed! Alas, it is too late!

Have you ever been in a situation where you need to lighten the mood, or just want a few moments to make your friends, family or coworkers laugh? There's no better way to do that than by telling them a joke. Jokes, riddles, and funny stories are a time-tested method to put anyone in a better mood, or even impress that special someone by showing off your humorous side. Gathered in this collection are some of the funniest, wittiest, dumbest, most groan-inducing jokes you and your soon-to-be-audience have ever heard. Be prepared to chuckle, snort, laugh out loud, and even roll your eyes at the jokes, stories, anecdotes, and riddles in this book. Warning: There are some... how should I put it? Less than work-appropriate jokes in here. Some may even be downright offensive to some people. Know your audience before telling some of these jokes or, at least, be open to the thought that not everyone has the same sense of humor as you do. (They're just wet blankets, though. They don't deserve to laugh at your jokes, anyways!) Please, enjoy! **This book may contain material that can be considered lewd or offensive**

"The ways of telling a story are as many as the tellers themselves. It is impossible to lay down precise rules by which any one may perfect himself in the art, but it is possible to offer suggestions by which to guide practise in narration toward a gratifying success. Broadly distinguished, there are two methods of telling a story. One uses the extreme of brevity, and makes its chief reliance on the point. The other devotes itself in great part to preliminary elaboration in the narrative, making this as amusing as possible, so that the point itself serves to cap a climax. In the public telling of an anecdote the tyro would be well advised to follow the first method. That is, he should put his reliance on the point of the story, and on this alone. "

Presents a compendium of jokes, riddles, knock-knock jokes, and puns for any occasion, and includes brief blurbs about comedians and successful comedic shows.