Life Funny Side Up

My name is Tim Clark, and I'm 46 years old. By today's standard, middle aged I suppose, and being in the middle is something I've grown very used to over all of my years. I was the middle kid in my family, medium-sized, and of average intelligence. By all accounts, by any standard one could measure by, I'm the personification of the average Joe. The short stories in this book are all true and told to the best of my recollection. One hundred percent of the characters were created by God himself and presented here for your enjoyment. My hope is that you enjoy reading them but not because of the things that have happened to me, but that they may help you recall the stories of your own life and that you'll come to the same conclusion that I have. If your looking for something truly extraordinary in your life, keep in mind that the bathroom mirror is only a few steps away and keep in mind also that you'd look silly with a shaved head and a tattoo. Give this book a read and have a few laughs at my expense. I promise I won't get mad.

I have lived to see Bombay become Mumbai, Calcutta become Kolkata, and Madras become Chennai. Times change, names change, and if Bond becomes Bonda I won't object.' With these lines, begins another brilliant collection of essays, stories and poems by writer par excellence, Ruskin Bond. With an ability to look at ordinary situations with unique wit and acuity, Ruskin Bond invites us into his home, his countryside, his life. Peopled with monkeys, wild boars, an aunt with a phobia of flowers, an eccentric cousin who thinks he is the great cricket player Ranji, the wise seven-year-old Gautam, this collection is an absorbing read for readers of all ages.

Formally a weekly column, Funny Side Up was so well received it was put into anthology form, and is still running by demand in reprints. The book, a great morning read with coffee, can be read at coffee break or hectic periods during stressful days. There is a strong chance you will read it through 'til the end in one sitting, because you can not get enough of this belly-laugh, page-turner. The stories, as quoted by the famous author and humorist Richard Armour, are "timely, but not timeless, and close to universal experiences, out-doing the many tired elements around today." You will insist Al had been lurking around your house for his material. Funny Side Up is a book you can leave on your coffee table and not be ashamed to have your kids or visitors read. Al Squitieri, father of ten, is a writer more than one editor called "the male Erma Bombeck." Read him and laugh yourself silly.

Aging is a serious business that combines memory lapses with cholesterol counts and fixed incomes. In Funny Side Up, a former columnist for the Mobile Press Register shares a collection of unabashed, unapologetic short stories that provide an amusing glimpse into the whirlwind life and opinions of a typical senior citizen living in the twenty-first century. Through exaggerated satire, Varnado offers a variety of tales with a potpourri of characters and events that detail the yearly visit of a cigar-smoking guardian angel whose unrealistic optimism drives him insane; a wifes heroic campaign against the machinations of the banking industry; and an encounter with Rasputin Bloodworthy, car dealer extraordinaire. All this combined with an investigation into the political correctness of Santa Claus, a cholesterholic who has a sudden urge for a candy bar, and three stooges who want nothing more than to cap the BP oil spill makes for an unforgettable look into the bizarre entities that accompany the cockamamie journey into senior citizenship. Funny Side Up mixes nostalgia with a giant dose of humor as a senior citizen shares a hilarious tales of learning to survive in a modern world.

If he had been with me everything would have been different... I wasn't with Finn on that August night. But I should've been. It was raining, of course. And he and Sylvie were arguing as he drove down the slick road. No one ever says what they were arguing about. Other people think it's not important. They do not know there is another story. The story that lurks between the facts. What they do not know—the cause of the argument—is crucial. So let me tell you...

From the very first day that they move to the Oddlode Valley, Mo, Diana and Anke find themselves on a relocation collision course. As inept removal men deliver furniture - and even horses - to the wrong houses, other moves are being made. Mo's bad boy lover takes Diana's eye, Anke's flirtatious husband suggests Mo hop into bed with him - and Diana's local heart-throb brother comes joyfully face to face with his teenage crush. As a long, hot Indian summer burns its embers into winter, new passions ignite and old flames are fanned. The heat is on, and sparks fly - but is it just a flash in the pan or is somebody fuelling the fire?

Like many ambitious New York City teenagers, Craig Gilner sees entry into Manhattan's Executive Pre-Professional High School as the ticket to his future. Determined to succeed at life—which means getting into the right high school to get into the right college to get the right job—Craig studies night and day to ace the entrance exam, and does. That's when things start to get crazy. At his new school, Craig realizes that he isn't brilliant compared to the other kids; he's just average, and maybe not even that. He soon sees his once-perfect future crumbling away.