Making Peace With Your Parents

"No one book resolves a lifetime of hurts and misunderstandings, but it can remove the blinders from our eyes. Make an effort now." LOS ANGELES TIMES No matter how old you are and whether or not your parents are alive, you have to come to terms with them. This wise and practical book will show you how to deal with the most fundamental relationships in your life and, in the process, become the happy, creative, and fulfilled person you are meant to be.

Can a mother be both loving and selfish? Caring and thoughtless? Deceitful and devoted? These are the questions that fuel psychologist Dr. Judy Rabinor’s quest to understand her ambivalence toward her mother. While leading a seminar exploring the importance of the mother-daughter relationship, Dr. Judy Rabinor, an eating disorder expert, is blindsided by a memory of a childhood trauma. Realizing how this buried trauma has resonated through her life, she sets off to heal herself. The Girl in the Red Boots weaves together tales from Rabinor’s psychotherapy practice and her life, helping readers understand how painful childhood experiences can linger and leave emotional scars. In the process, Rabinor traces her own journey becoming a wounded healer and ultimately making peace with her mother, and herself. Not a traditional self-help book outlining “steps” to reconcile or forgive one’s mother, The Girl in the Red Boots is a poignant memoir filled with hard-won life lessons, including the fact that it’s never too late to let go of hurts and disappointments and develop compassion for yourself—and even for your mother.

"Dan Neuharth's book demystifies much within our pasts that can hurt our intimate relationships in ways we may not even realize. If You Had Controlling Parents helps spark understanding and acceptance across generations." — John Gray, Ph.D., author of Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus Do you sometimes feel as if you are living your life to please others? Do you give other people the benefit of the doubt but second-guess yourself? Do you struggle with perfectionism, anxiety, lack of confidence, emotional emptiness, or eating disorders? In your intimate relationships, have you found it difficult to get close without losing your sense of self? If so, you may be among the fifteen million adults in the United States who were raised with unhealthy parental control. In this groundbreaking bestseller by accomplished family therapist Dan Neuharth, Ph.D., you'll discover whether your parents controlled eating, appearance, speech, decisions, feelings, social life, and other aspects of your childhood—and whether that control may underlie problems you still struggle with in adulthood. Packed with inspiring case studies and dozens of practical suggestions, this book shows you how to leave home emotionally so you can improve assertiveness, boundaries, and confidence, quiet you "inner critics," and bring more balance to your moods and relationships. Offering compassion, not blame, Dr. Neuharth helps you make peace with your past and avoid overcontrolling your children and other loved ones.

“Making Peace with Your Parents is compassionate, well-written, and will be of great value to many.”—Leo Buscaglia No matter how old you are and whether or not your parents are alive, you have to come to terms with them. This wise and practical book will show you how to deal with the most fundamental relationships in your life and, in the process, become the happy, creative, and fulfilled person you are meant to be. “A marvelous and helpful book on how to release the emotional pains of growing up, to forgive and release the feelings of guilt, and to celebrate the miracle of being alive. Dr. Bloomfield’s book is worth thousands of dollars of therapy.”—Elisabeth Kübler-Ross “No one book can resolve a lifetime of hurts and misunderstandings, but it can remove the blinders from our eyes. Make an effort now.”—Los Angeles Times

This book takes you on an intense personal journey that will lead you deeper into yourself and closer to the connections with your parents. You do not need the involvement of your parents to do this. Yes, father or mother may even have passed away already. The result of the journey: more inner peace, more self-confidence, more strength and more joy of life. And actual encounters with parents become more relaxed and friendly.Would you like to improve your relationship with your parents? Maybe you feel an inner distance, maybe you have withdrawn from them a bit or have completely broken off contact. Perhaps you are also angry or hurt and never want to have anything to do with them again. If this is the case, the first step is important for you: you do not have to forgive your parents in order to come to peace with them. You have a right to your reproaches. But all further steps will help you to find new perspectives. Reconciliation then sometimes falls into your lap as a fruit that has ripened by itself. It is worth it! The relationship with father and mother shapes one's own life and has a deep influence on the success of one's own partnership, on the relationship with one's own children and the satisfaction with one's own life.In my more than 25 years of work on reconciliation between children and parents, 7 steps have emerged which are useful to come to peace with the parents in depth. In addition, I talk about further blockades which come from the family system and which sometimes have to be dissolved. These steps and other important insights are conveyed practically in this book. You will experience the essence of my seminars and will be specifically instructed to take important steps inwardly.

A self-help guide for those who have to take care of their aging parents. Caring for aging parents is difficult-it's exhausting, expensive, time-consuming, and under appreciated. And that's under the best of circumstances, when the caregiver loves and respects his or her aging parent. What happens when adult children are asked to care for elderly parents who were abusive, neglectful, or absent? Here is a compassionate and practical guide to facing the psychological and emotional issues that arise when caring for aging parents. Eleanor Cade offers sound as well as personal accounts from individuals who have made the choice to care for difficult parents. The result is a powerful guide to moving beyond feelings of anger, regret, and grief in order to build healthy new family dynamics based on decency and mercy.Target audience For individuals who are caring for aging, dysfunctional parents, as well as counselors and therapists who work with familiesFeaturesan authoritative resource for baby boomers caring for aging parentsdefines differences between "normal" and "dysfunctional" familiespersonal stories validate the experiences and feelings of readers