Managing Conflict With Your Boss

As individuals, we can be creative and ambitious in our personal lives and in our professional lives. But individual efforts can’t always match the energy and productivity of a group. Cultures, societies, clubs, schools, and militaries arose out of our need to band together for mutual support. Organizations were created to deal more effectively with the environment—both the natural world and the world of work. But there is a trade-off when we move from individual contributions to group efforts: the relationships necessary for working together can spawn conflict. In organizations, tensions between individuals need to be defused, or focused in order to find productive solutions to problems. This is especially critical when conflict arises between people at different levels in the organization, such as when you are having a conflict with your boss. These tensions aren’t easy to handle. Conflict can generate discomfort, anger, and ineffective behavior. Feelings such as fear and resentment can rise to the surface. Organizational issues such as unclear lines of authority, power, politics, and ineffective support systems also come into play. Although these internal and external factors create a rich and complicated landscape for conflict to flourish, a conflict with your boss doesn’t necessarily spell the end of your career with an organization. There are steps you can take to gain perspective on conflict and to manage the conflict so that it focuses your energy and your boss’s energy on the needs of the organization, moving both of you toward a more productive working relationship.

While some of us enjoy a lively debate with colleagues and others prefer to suppress our feelings over disagreements, we all struggle with conflict at work. Every day we navigate an office full of competing interests, clashing personalities, limited time and resources, and fragile egos. Sure, we share the same overarching goals as our colleagues, but we don't always agree on how to achieve them. We work differently. We rub each other the wrong way. We jockey for position. How can you deal with conflict at work in a way that is both professional and productive—where it improves both your work and your relationships? You start by understanding whether you generally seek or avoid conflict, identifying the most frequent reasons for disagreement, and knowing what approaches work for what scenarios. Then, if you decide to address a particular conflict, you use that information to plan and conduct a productive conversation. The HBR Guide to Dealing with Conflict will give you the advice you need to: Understand the most common sources of conflict Explore your options for addressing a disagreement Recognize whether you—and your counterpart—typically seek or avoid conflict Prepare for and engage in a difficult conversation Manage your and your counterpart's emotions Develop a resolution together Know when to walk away Arm yourself with the advice you need to succeed on the job, with the most trusted brand in business. Packed with how-to essentials from leading experts, the HBR Guides provide smart answers to your most pressing work challenges.

Develop more productive habits in dealing with your manager. As a professional in the business world, you care about doing your job the right way. The quality of your work matters to you, both as a professional and as a person. The company you work for cares about making money and your boss is evaluated on that basis. Sometimes those goals overlap, but the different priorities mean conflict is inevitable. Take concrete steps to build a relationship with your manager that helps both sides succeed. Guide your manager to treat you as a vital member of the team who should be kept as happy and productive as possible. When your manager insists on a course of action you don't like, most employees feel they have only two options: you can swallow your objections, or you can leave. Neither option gets you what you want, which is for your manager to consider your interests when making decisions. Challenging your boss directly is risky, but if you understand what really matters to your manager, you can build a balanced relationship that works for both sides. Provide timely "good enough" answers that satisfy the immediate need of the boss to move forward. Use a productive solution to the Iterated Prisoner's Dilemma to structure your interactions with management, going along when necessary and pushing back where appropriate, without threatening the loyalty relationship. Send the two most important messages to your boss: "I got this" and "I got your back," to prove your value to the boss and the organization. Analyze your manager's communication preferences so you can express your arguments in a way most likely to be heard and understood. Avoid key traps, like thinking of the boss as your friend or violating the chain of command unnecessarily.

Bosses, friends, family members, they've made your life hell -- until now! Based on fourteen years of research and observation, Dr. Robert Bramson's proven-effective techniques are guaranteed to help you right the balance and take charge of your life. Learn how to: Stand up to anyone -- without fighting. Blunt a sniper's attack. Get a clam to talk. Cut off a Sherman tank at the pass. Manage bulldozers. Get stallers off the dime. Move a complainer into a problem-solving mode. Learn the six basic steps that allow you to cope with just about anyone. Reclaim the power the rightfully belongs to you in any relationship!

From the creator of the popular website Ask a Manager and New York’s work-advice columnist comes a witty, practical guide to 200 difficult professional conversations—featuring all-new advice! There’s a reason Alison Green has been called “the Dear Abby of the work world.” Ten years as a workplace-advice columnist have taught her that people avoid awkward conversations in the office because they simply don’t know what to say. Thankfully, Green does—and in this incredibly helpful book, she tackles the tough discussions you may need to have during your career. You’ll learn what to say when • coworkers push their work on you—then take credit for it • you accidentally trash-talk someone in an email then hit “reply all” • you’re being micromanaged—or not being managed at all • you catch a colleague in a lie • your boss seems unhappy with your work • your cubemate’s loud speakerphone is making you homicidal • you got drunk at the holiday party Praise for Ask a Manager “A must-read for anyone who works . . . [Alison Green’s] advice boils down to the idea that you should be professional (even when others are not) and that communicating in a straightforward manner with candor and kindness will get you far, no matter where you work.”—Booklist (starred review) “The author’s friendly, warm, no-nonsense writing is a pleasure to read, and her advice can be widely applied to relationships in all areas of readers’ lives. Ideal for anyone new to the job market or new to management, or anyone hoping to improve their work experience.”—Library Journal (starred review) “I am a huge fan of Alison Green’s Ask a Manager column. This book is even better. It teaches us how to deal with many of the most vexing big and little problems in our workplaces—and to do so with grace, confidence, and a sense of humor.”—Robert Sutton, Stanford professor and author of The No Asshole Rule and The Asshole Survival Guide “Ask a Manager is the ultimate playbook for navigating the traditional workforce in a diplomatic but firm way.”—Erin Lowry, author of Broke Millennial: Stop Scraping By and Get Your Financial Life Together

“An excellent workbook-like guide” to the nuts and bolts of professional conflict and the strategies you need to make conflict work for you (Booklist, starred review). Every workplace is a minefield of conflict, and all office tension is shaped by power. Making Conflict Work teaches you to identify the nature of a conflict, determine your power position relative to anyone opposing you, and use the best strategy for achieving your goals. These strategies are equally effective for executives, managers and their direct reports, consultants, and attorneys—anyone who has ever had a disagreement with someone in their organization. Packed with helpful self-assessment exercises and action plans, this book gives you the tools you need to achieve greater satisfaction and success. “A genuine winner.” —Robert B. Cialdini, author of Influence “This book is a necessity . . . Read it.” —Leymah Gbowee, 2011 Nobel Peace Prize laureate and Liberian peace activist “Innovative and practical.” —Lawrence Susskind, Program on Negotiation cofounder “Navigating conflict effectively is an essential component of leadership. Making Conflict Work illustrates when to compromise and when to continue driving forward.” —Hon. David N. Dinkins, 106th mayor of the City of New York “An excellent workbook-like guide.” —Booklist, starred review

Don’t let a bad boss or manager hold you back from being successful! Every day millions of people with high potential are frustrated and held back by incompetent leaders. New York Times bestselling author and leadership expert John C. Maxwell knows this because the number one question he gets asked is about how to lead when the boss isn’t a good leader. You don’t have to be trapped in your work situation. In this book, adapted from the million-selling The 360-Degree Leader, and now distilled down for busy professionals, Maxwell unveils the keys to successfully navigating the challenges of working for a bad boss. In How to Lead When Your Boss Can’t (or Won’t), Maxwell teaches you how to: position yourself for current and future success, take the high road with a poor leader, avoid common pitfalls, work well with teammates, and develop influence wherever you find yourself. Practicing the principles taught in this book will result in endless opportunities—for your organization, your career, and your life. You can learn how to lead when your boss can’t (or won’t).

The key to a harmonious work environment is not by working among people with similar personalities whom you never clash with. Instead, learning to interact effectively with difficult coworkers is essential for success. Most of us are going to work today with individuals who at times come across as incompetent, lazy, spotlight-hugging, whiny, or backstabbing. Then, tomorrow we go to work with them again and again. Like it or not, the bulk of our waking hours are spent with people at work--people who can grate on our nerves. Communications expert Renee Evenson thoroughly explains how anyone can learn how to confront head-on the difficult situations that can arise when dealing with these personalities, before they fester and spread. In Powerful Phrases for Dealing with Difficult People, Evenson shares practical and easy-to-use tactics such as: Thirty common personality traits, behaviors, and workplace scenarios along with the phrases that work best with each Nonverbal communication skills to back up your words Sample dialogues that demonstrate how phrasing improves interactions A five-step process for moving from conflict to resolution “Why This Works” sections that provide detailed explanations Button-pushing situations are going to come up today at work--and tomorrow too. Don’t let them rent space inside of you and turning everything to mold. Instead, choose to deploy simple phrases to regain control and resolve conflicts. When you do, you, your colleagues, and your company will be all the better for it!