Mr Funny Pants

I was at my wit's end. I'd had enough of this job, this life, and my relationship had broken up. Should I eat chocolate, or go to India, or fall in love? Then I had a revelation: Why not do all three, in that order? And so it was that I embarked on a journey that was segmented into three parts and was then made into a major motion picture. Later, I woke up on an airplane with a hole in my face and a really bad hangover. I was ushered brusquely off the plane by my parents who took me to a rehab where I tested positive for coke, classic coke, special k (the drug), Special K (the cereal), mushrooms, pepperoni, and Restless Leg Syndrome. It was there that I first began painting with my feet. But rewind...the year was 1914. I was just a young German soldier serving in the trenches while simultaneously trying to destroy an evil ring with some help from an elf, a troll, and a giant sorcerer, all while cooking every recipe out of a Julia Child cookbook. What I'm trying to say is that there was a secret code hidden in a painting and I was looking for it with this girl who had a tattoo of a dragon! Let me clarify, it was the 1930s and a bunch of us were migrating out of Oklahoma, and I was this teenage wizard/CIA operative, okay? And, um then I floated off into the meta-verse as a ball of invisible energy that had no outer edge... Ugh, okay. None of this is true. I'm just kind of a normal guy from New Jersey who moved to New York, got into comedy, wrote this book about trying to write this book, and then moved to Alaska, became the mayor of a small town, spent $30,000 on underwear, and now I'm going to rule the world!!!

Fans of Bad Kitty, Wimpy Kid, and Fly Guy will love this brand new graphic novel chapter books series! Meet Mr. Pants! It’s the last day of summer, which means the last chance for fun, and he really, really wants to play laser tag. But his sisters have other ideas—the Fairy Princess Dream Factory? Gah! Good thing Mr. Pants knows how to get what he wants—and have a blast doing it.

A potato and his eggplant nemesis struggle to find the perfect pants in this hilarious, heartwarming tale of forgiveness by bestselling Geisel-Award winning creator Laurie Keller. Potato is excited because today—for one day only— Lance Vance’s Fancy Pants Store is selling . . .POTATO PANTS! Potato rushes over early, but just as he’s about to walk in, something makes him stop. What could it be? Find out in this one-of-a-kind story about misunderstandings and forgiveness, and—of course—Potato Pants! A Christy Ottaviano Book This title has Common Core connections.

They're back! Rediscover the zaniest characters you've ever met in this best-selling series which has sold millions worldwide. Bright and charming, with easily recognizable characters and a small take-along format, Mr. Men and Little Miss books are easy enough for young readers, witty enough for humor-prone adults, and highly collectible for one and all. Also check your local listings to view the Mr. Men & Little Miss TV show. Back to the Mr. Men & Little Miss microsite.

Is it a bird? Is it a plane? And what's that smell? Amelia is just a regular kid. That is until a chance encounter with a strange looking bug that grants her super powers- super farty powers! A hilarious story full of farting and flying that children of all ages (and their parents) will love! A beautifully illustrated childrens book that is both perfect for reading to your little ones, but also great for those that can read themselves.

Some will question what kind of man would volunteer during war time to enter into the United States Air Force in a law enforcement field and remain until retirement at age thirty-seven and help form a new United States Air Force while in conflict with North Korea, Vietnam, and the Bay of Pigs. Some will say that it’s barbaric even to temporarily adopt the characteristic of barbarism working undercover as a deputy United States sky marshal flying all over the world on Trans World Airlines, (TWA), owned by Howard Hughes, to protect our largest commercial (747) aircraft with three hundred fifty passengers and crew aboard from air piracy. We visited a different country every twenty four hours. They would also say the same for assuming a similar role as an undercover narcotics agent in the Bureau of Narcotics, Pennsylvania, office of attorney general, retiring again at age sixty-five with twenty-five years of duty. The barbarian role was assumed so often that sometimes it was difficult to put it down. There were critters (that’s not nice), people that I had to work with; rats (that’s not nice); and animals (that’s not nice either) that had to be arrested because they were very dangerous to our society. Sometimes my role was so important that I got arrested right along with everyone else during a big drug raid, just to protect the identity of the barbarian. I have to own the name of the barbarian—that’s obvious, but you’ll have to read on if you’re interested in a career that I’ve described to find out why it’s also provocative.

Okay, here goes. My name is Liv (not Olivia). I'm not technically a girl. I'm transgender. Which is a bit like being a Transformer, only not quite as cool because I probably won't get to save the world one day. Liv knows he was always meant to be a boy, but with his new school's terrible dress code, he can't even wear pants. Only skirts. Operation: Pants Project begins! The only way for Liv to get what he wants is to go after it himself. But to Liv, this isn't just a mission to change the policy—it's a mission to change his life. And that's a pretty big deal.

In this hilarious tale of blame, compassion, and forgiveness, a very embarrassed bear is reminded that accidents can happen--but with the support of good friends, life goes on. Reuben the bear's got donuts for everyone in his scout troop, but his friends are all staring at something else: there's a wet spot on Reuben's pants, and it's in a specific area. "WHO WET MY PANTS?" he shouts, and a blame game starts. His buddies try to reassure him there was no crime. Just an accident. It could happen to anyone! But as all the clues begin to point in Reuben's own direction as the culprit, Reuben must come to terms with the truth. Who Wet My Pants? isn't a potty-training book. It's a witty and wise story about embarrassment and anger, empathy and acceptance, and ultimately...forgiveness.