My Rotten Stepbrother Ruined Beauty And The Beast

AGAIN, Holden?! First you broke Cinderella, now Beauty and the Beast? Your stepsister is ready to strangle you. Pointing out that the Beast kidnapped Beauty and only fell for her looks has somehow put the real Beast in jail! Now there'll never be a happy ending. You need to go into the fairy tale world of rural France and-- what do you mean you don't speak French?!

Holden, you have sunk to a new low. Making fun of Maddie's beloved Snow White has changed the story and led to the Wicked Queen triumphing. If you and Maddie don't stop arguing, the prince will never marry Snow White and, more importantly, you'll never go home to the real world! Heigh-ho, heigh-ho, it's off to fix the fairy tale you go!

Maddie is ready to strangle her stepbrother. The story of Beauty and the Beast is broken, all because of Holden. He accused the Beast of kidnapping, and now the real Beast is in jail! Maddie and Holden have to visit the fairy tale world of rural France to repair this mess - and neither speak French.

Holden, what have you done?! It wasn't enough to ruin Maddie's report on Cinderella, but now you've somehow broken the ACTUAL fairy tale? The ugly stepsister is marrying the prince and there's no happy ever after! You need to fix this and the only way seems to be by entering the story. But beware: if you can't mend it, you can never return . . .

The buttheads have landed—and they're trying to wipe us out! My best friend Lloyd and I had the perfect plan. We started a blog to invite aliens to come to Earth and hang out—but only with us. That way, they wouldn't have to meet any boring world leaders or get cut open by scientists or anything like that. We'd just chill out, eat junk food, and play video games together. Sweet, right? And it worked! Two aliens showed up one night in the bathroom of my favorite restaurant, and we snuck them home to my room. The problem is, they're total buttheads! Literally. They have butts on their heads, and they talk in farts. They're rude, disgusting, and they love Earth so much, they just invited 70 billion of their friends to join them here. Oops. Now it's up to us—two sixth graders with B-pluses in science—to save the planet from the sickest extraterrestrials in the universe. (Preferably without my parents finding out.) Sorry, everyone. Better get used to talking out of your butts, because we're all probably doomed…

As a teenager growing up in the 1980s, all Jerry Mahoney wanted was a nice, normal sham marriage: 2.5 kids and a frustrated, dissatisfied wife living in denial of her husband’s sexuality. Hey, why not? It seemed much more attainable and fulfilling than the alternative—coming out of the closet and making peace with the fact that he’d never have a family at all. Twenty years later, Jerry is living with his long-term boyfriend, Drew, and they’re ready to take the plunge into parenthood. But how? Adoption? Foster parenting? Kidnapping? What they want most of all is a great story to tell their future kid about where he or she came from. Their search leads them to gestational surrogacy, a road less traveled where they’ll be borrowing a stranger’s ladyparts for nine months. Thus begins Jerry and Drew’s hilarious and unexpected journey to daddyhood. From then on, they’re in uncharted waters. They’re forced to face down homophobic baby store clerks, a hospital that doesn’t know what to do with them, even members of their own family who think what they’re doing is a little nutty. One thing’s for sure. If this all works out, they’re going to have an incredible birth story to tell their kid. With honesty, emotion, and laugh-out-loud humor, Jerry Mahoney ponders what it means to become a Mommy Man . . . and discovers that the answer is as varied and beautiful as the concept of family itself.

Robie is an experienced traveler. She's taken the flight from Honolulu to the Midway Atoll, a group of Pacific islands where her parents live, many times. When she has to get to Midway in a hurry after a visit with her aunt in Hawaii, she gets on the next cargo flight at the last minute. She knows the pilot, but on this flight, there's a new co-pilot named Max. All systems are go until a storm hits during the flight. The only passenger, Robie doesn't panic until the engine suddenly cuts out and Max shouts at her to put on a life jacket. They are over miles of Pacific Ocean. She sees Max struggle with a raft. And then . . . she's in the water. Fighting for her life. Max pulls her onto the raft, and that's when the real terror begins. They have no water. Their only food is a bag of Skittles. There are sharks. There is an island. But there's no sign of help on the way.

I just give up, Holden. You've broken fairy tale after fairy tale, and you show no sign of stopping. At least Maddie secretly wants you to break Aladdin so she can enter the fairy tale world to fix it. She is so ready to be a glamourous princess. Wait, she's going to be turned into a-- oh no, it's too cruel-- Holden, don't LAUGH! Quick, just help Aladdin and his princess find their happy ever after!