Relate After The Affair

Finding out your partner has had an affair can feel like the ultimate betrayal and learning to trust again is difficult and painful. After the Affair takes a frank look at the reasons why people have affairs and the devastating effects they may have upon the person who has been betrayed. Since this book was first published the internet has grown hugely; websites such as Facebook have mushroomed; and mobile phones have become ubiquitous. All of these create more chances to connect with other people discreetly, quickly and at any time of the day or night. As a result, the nature of affairs is changing dramatically. After the Affair helps couples understand their feelings and explains: - Why affairs happen, including common triggers - What constitutes an affair - How to recover from a betrayal - The pros and cons of leaving or staying in a relationship, with steps to take for reconciliation or parting as amicably as possible Whether you choose to reconcile or to move on, After the Affair can help you work through your feelings and make sense of what has happened.

Exploring why trust is so important to a relationship, After the Affai r takes a frank look at the reasons why people have affairs and the de vastating effects they may have upon the person who has been betrayed, whose first response is likely to be: Why me? After the Affair helps couples understand their feelings and explains: --Why affairs happen, including common triggers: money problems, child ren, dishonesty, etc. --Why some people ride out life's stresses while others cannot --The different types of affairs possible --How to recover from a betrayal --The pros and cons of leaving or staying in a relationship, with step s to take for reconciliation or parting as amicably as possible --How best to help your children cope --What the future may hold.

"One of the foremost relationship experts at work today applies the insights of science toward understanding the real meaning of trust between a couple. He decodes the "why" behind betrayal and shows how partners can avoid or recover from unfaithfulness and maintain a loving relationship.Dr. John Gottman, the country's pre-eminent researcher on marriage, is famous for his Love Lab at the University of Washington in Seattle where he deciphers the mysteries of human relationships through scientific research. His thirty-five years of exploration have earned him numerous major awards, including from the National Institute of Mental Health, the American Psychological Association, and the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy. Now, Dr. Gottman offers surprising findings and advice on the characteristic that is at the heart of all relationships: Trust. Dr. Gottman has developed a formula that precisely calculates any couple's loyalty level. The results determine a relationship's likely future, including the potential for one or both partners to stray. A Love You Can Trust shows couples how to bolster their trust level and avoid what Dr. Gottman calls the "Roach Motel for Lovers." He describes how the outcome of--"sliding door moments," small pivotal points between a couple, can lead either to more emotional connection or to discontent. He suggests a new approach to handling adultery and reveals the varied and unexpected non-sexual ways that couples often betray each other. A Love You Can Trust guides couples through an empirically tested, trust-building program that will let them repair and maintain a long-term, intimate, and romantic relationship"--

For the 70 percent of couples who have been affected by extramarital affairs, this is the only book to offer proven strategies for surviving the crisis and rebuilding the relationship –– written by a nationally known therapist considered an expert on infidelity. When I was 15, I was raped. That was nothing compared to your affair. The rapist was a stranger; you, I thought, were my best friend. There is nothing quite like the pain and shock caused when a partner has been unfaithful. The hurt partner often experiences a profound loss of self–respect and falls into a depression that can last for years. For the relationship, infidelity is often a death blow. After the Affair is the first book to help readers survive this crisis. Written by a clinical psychologist who has been treating distressed couples for 22 years, it guides both hurt and unfaithful partners through the three stages of healing: Normalizing feelings, deciding whether to recommit and revitalizing the relationship. It provides proven, practical advice to help the couple change their behavior toward each other, cultivate trust and forgiveness and build a healthier, more conscious intimate partnership.

A Guide to Rebuilding Trust and Intimacy It's devastating to discover that the person you trust the most has betrayed you. You'll be facing some hard questions after learning of your partner's infidelity. You may choose to rebuild your relationship, or you may decide to move on. Whatever the right decision is for you, this book will help you figure out why your partner betrayed you and decide whether you can remain in your relationship. It will also show you new ways to relate that can help you and your partner become a lasting, loving, and committed couple. You'll start by taking a look at the phenomenon of infidelity and the three types of intimacy: self-intimacy, conflict intimacy, and affection intimacy. Then you'll learn about the three kinds of infidelity—those of fear, of loneliness, and of anger—and what each reveals about your relationship. Then it's on to practical exercises that can heal emotional wounds and enable you to recover your ability to trust. Even if you decide not to remain with your current partner, the book will help you make wise relationship choices to "affair-proof" your future relationship.

“Full of juicy, concrete advice to heal from an affair.” —Esther Perel, MA, LMFT, New York Times bestselling author of Mating in Captivity and The State of Affairs From a clinical psychologist who served as a clinical supervisor in the Department of Psychology at Yale University, received the CPA’s award for Distinguished Contribution to the Practice of Psychology, and has treated couples and trained therapists for over four decades, this newly updated, award-winning book provides concrete, proven strategies for those who seek to survive their partner’s infidelity and to rebuild the relationship after an affair. There is nothing quite like the devastation caused when a partner has been unfaithful. Hurt partners often experience a profound shattering of their familiar and valued sense of self and fall into a depression that can last for years. For the relationship, infidelity is often a death blow. This new third edition of After the Affair, with more than 600,000 copies sold, helps guide both hurt and unfaithful partners through three stages of healing: normalizing the crisis, deciding whether to recommit to their partner, and rekindling trust and sexual intimacy. It includes a new section in which patients ask questions not addressed in previous editions, and the author provides concrete strategies for earning trust and forgiveness.