Sh Tty Mom For All Seasons

The authors of the New York Times–bestselling Sh*tty Mom are back with a hilarious guide presenting common parenting scenarios with advice for getting through the year the sh*tty mom way. Told in the same tongue-in-cheek voice as the original, this sequel is full of funny parenting tips and relatable stories for contemporary moms. Sh*tty Mom for All Seasons explores the occasions throughout the year that test every mother’s patience and inspire self-deprecating humor and that second glass of wine. With chapters organized by season, the book will teach you how to navigate the bumpy roads of motherhood, learn to laugh at the occasional parenting fail, and maybe even appreciate your own mother. Or not. Sample chapters for the sh*tty mom year include: Fall: “Yes, We All Have to Be Here: The Annual PTO Funsraiser” Winter: “Mom’s Real New Year’s Resolutions” Spring: “I’m Running Off with the Gardner: April Fools!” Summer: “Summer Reading Lists & Other Great Reasons Why You Don’t Home School” The Emmy Award–winning TODAY show producers and self-proclaimed sh*tty moms, Alicia Ybarbo and Mary Ann Zoellner, together with humorist Erin Clune, bring you the perfect book for mothers who don’t take themselves too seriously.

“Nearly criminally funny . . . carries a powerful message to all parents, but especially moms, that distilled to its essence is this: chill.” —Time Sh*tty Mom is the ultimate parenting guide, written by four moms who have seen it all. As hilarious as it is universal, each chapter presents a common parenting scenario with advice on how to get through it in the easiest and most efficient way possible. With chapters such as How to Sleep Until 9 A.M. Every Weekend and When Seeing an Infant Triggers a Mental Illness That Makes You Want to Have Another Baby, as well as a Sh*tty Mom quiz, this is a must-have, laugh-out-loud funny book for the sh*tty parent in all of us. “A totally hilarious and uncensored look at some of the impossible situations we mothers find ourselves in.” —The Bump “As the attachment parenting craze has hit a zenith in American culture, four very funny moms—comedy writers, TV producers, and a novelist—blast open a long-locked safe filled with frustrations faced by all modern mothers, with sympathetic and sharp humor . . . The authors’ unfiltered candor is a welcome reminder for readers that they’re not alone.” —Publishers Weekly (starred review) “Hilariously entertaining. A must-read survivor’s guide for every mother!”—Christy Turlington Burns, founder of Every Mother Counts “A long overdue little burst of honesty from the supposed minority of mothers who are, in fact, not that maternal . . . After a generation of supermoms one-upping each other in dead earnest on playgrounds and schoolyards, the emerging mass appeal of Sh*tty Mom is a welcome relief.” —The New York Observer

An uproarious memoir/tongue-in-cheek guide to leaving the cool city in which you "found" yourself and moving somewhere far more ordinary. So you escaped whatever humdrum little town you grew up in and moved to The Big City. Maybe it was New York. Maybe it was Seattle or Kansas City. Wherever it was, there was amazing stuff everywhere you turned: Ethiopian food! A movie theater that played documentaries! A hairstylist who knew what to do with frizz! You overlooked the crime rates (edgy!), the proximity of your kitchen to your bed (convenient!), and the fact that you had to take public transportation to see nature, then had to share it with millions of other cranky, naked mole-rat apartment dwellers (urban!). But then you got a job offer you couldn't refuse. Or you developed asthma. Or you got pregnant. Or you got pregnant for the second time and you couldn't use your closet as a bedroom for two babies. And you decided you had to leave. When Frank Sinatra and Alicia Keys said that if you could make it in New York, you could make it anywhere, they probably weren't talking about the middle of nowhere or whatever suburb you used to make fun of. Because "making it" is really hard to do without world-class museums and gourmet food trucks. Erin Clune regales readers with priceless stories of her own experiences leaving New York for her hometown in Wisconsin, and provides a jocular but useful guide--for anyone leaving, or thinking about leaving, their own personal mecca--to finding contentment while staying true to yourself in a place far, far away from The City.

Jim Gaffigan never imagined he would have his own kids. Though he grew up in a large Irish-Catholic family, Jim was satisfied with the nomadic, nocturnal life of a standup comedian, and was content to be "that weird uncle who lives in an apartment by himself in New York that everyone in the family speculates about." But all that changed when he married and found out his wife, Jeannie "is someone who gets pregnant looking at babies." Five kids later, the comedian whose riffs on everything from Hot Pockets to Jesus have scored millions of hits on YouTube, started to tweet about the mistakes and victories of his life as a dad. Those tweets struck such a chord that he soon passed the million followers mark. But it turns out 140 characters are not enough to express all the joys and horrors of life with five kids, so he's now sharing it all in Dad Is Fat. From new parents to empty nesters to Jim's twenty-something fans, everyone will recognize their own families in these hilarious takes on everything from cousins ("celebrities for little kids") to growing up in a big family ("I always assumed my father had six children so he could have a sufficient lawn crew") to changing diapers in the middle of the night ("like The Hurt Locker but much more dangerous") to bedtime (aka "Negotiating with Terrorists"). Dad is Fat is sharply observed, explosively funny, and a cry for help from a man who has realized he and his wife are outnumbered in their own home.

From New York Times bestselling author Mia Sheridan comes an emotional, slow burn romance about a woman desperate to hide and the man who sees through her walls, perfect for fans of Colleen Hoover and Lucy Score. I wanted to lose myself in the small town of Pelion, Maine. To forget everything I had left behind. The sound of rain. The blood. The coldness of a gun against my skin. For six months, each breath has been a reminder that I survived--and my dad didn't. I'm almost safe again. But the moment I meet Archer Hale, my entire world tilts on its axis . . . and never rights itself again. Until I trespass into his strange, silent, and isolated world, Archer communicates with no one. Yet in his whiskey-colored eyes, something intangible happens between us. There's so much more to him than just his beauty, his presence, or the ways his hands communicate with me. On me. But this town is mired in secrets and betrayals, and Archer is the explosive center of it all. So much passion. And so much hurt. But it's only in Archer's silence that we might just find what we need to heal . . . and live. Includes an exclusive extended epilogue from Archer's POV! A Goodread's "Top Romance Novel of All Time" A New York Times, USA Today, and Wall Street Journal bestseller

Two producers of Today share their experiences and wisdom on baby's first year, along with priceless advice and anecdotes from the anchors and experts on America's number-one morning show. Being a new mother can be extremely nerve-racking and exhausting, and many moms find parenting advice, comfort, and humor on the Today show. Now all that advice and more is collected in Today's Moms, a one-stop guide to everything a new mother needs to know about her baby's first year, from the best breastfeeding products to reclaiming fun and intimacy with her partner after the baby. Full of behind-the-scenes stories with moms and experts, Today's Moms provides the most up-to-date news and information with easy, entertaining ways to help mothers keep their sanity. And it's all medically reviewed by NBC medical experts Dr. Nancy Snyderman and Dr. Tanya Benenson. Contributors include Meredith Vieira, Ann Curry, Matt Lauer, Al Roker, Kathie Lee Gifford, and many others. Written in a friendly and accessible tone, with straightforward, honest advice and expert information, Today's Moms will help all moms feel more confident about their first year of motherhood.

An honest, irreverent, laugh-out-loud guide to coping with death and dying from Emmy-nominated writer and New York Times bestselling co-author of Sh*tty Mom Laurie Kilmartin. Death is not for the faint of heart, and sometimes the best way to cope is through humor. No one knows this better than comedian Laurie Kilmartin. She made headlines by live-tweeting her father’s time in hospice and her grieving process after he passed, and channeled her experience into a comedy special, 45 Jokes About My Dead Dad. Dead People Suck is her hilarious guide to surviving (sometimes) death, dying, and grief without losing your mind. If you are old and about to die, sick and about to die, or with a loved one who is about to pass away or who has passed away, there’s something for you. With chapters like “Are You An Old Man With Daughters? Please Shred Your Porn,” “If Cancer was an STD, It Would Be Cured By Now,” and “Unsubscribing Your Dead Parent from Tea Party Emails,” Laurie Kilmartin guides you through some of life’s most complicated moments with equal parts heart and sarcasm.

The fourth book in Joanna Schaffhausen's heartpounding Ellery Hathaway mystery series, Every Waking Hour.... After surviving a serial killer’s abduction as a young teenager, Ellery Hathaway is finally attempting a normal life. She has a new job as a rookie Boston detective and a fledgling relationship with Reed Markham, the FBI agent who rescued her years ago. But when a twelve-year-old girl disappears on Ellery’s watch, the troubling case opens deep wounds that never fully healed. Chloe Lockhart walked away from a busy street fair and vanished into the crowd. Maybe she was fleeing the suffocating surveillance her parents put on her from the time she was born, or maybe the evil from her parents’ past finally caught up to her. For Chloe, as Ellery learns, is not the first child Teresa Lockhart has lost. Ellery knows what it’s like to have the past stalk you, to hold your breath around every corner. Sending one kidnapped girl to find another could be Chloe’s only hope or an unmitigated disaster that dooms them both. Ellery must untangle the labyrinth of secrets inside the Lockhart household -- secrets that have already murdered one child. Each second that ticks by reminds her of her own lost hours, how close she came to death, and how near it still remains.