Someone Other Than A Mother

Theologian Erin S. Lane overturns dominant narratives about motherhood and inspires women to write their own stories. Is it possible to do something more meaningful than mothering? As a young Catholic girl who grew up in the American Midwest on white bread and Jesus, Erin S. Lane was given two options for a life well-lived: Mother or Mother Superior. She could marry a man and mother her own children, or she could marry God, so to speak, and mother the world’s children. Both were good outcomes for someone else’s life. Neither would fit the shape of hers. Interweaving Lane’s story with those of other women—including singles and couples, stepparents and foster parents, the infertile and the ambivalent—Someone Other Than a Mother challenges the social scripts that put moms on an impossible pedestal and shame childless women and nontraditional families for not measuring up. You may have heard these lines before: • “Motherhood is the toughest job.” This script diminishes the work of non-moms and pressures moms to make parenting their full-time gig. • “It’ll be different with your own.” This script underestimates the love of nonbiological kin and pushes unfair expectations onto nuclear families. • “Family is the greatest legacy.” This script turns children into the ultimate sign of a woman’s worth and discounts the quieter ways we leave our mark. With candor and verve, Someone Other Than a Mother tears up the shaming social scripts that are bad for moms and non-moms alike and rewrites the story of a life well-lived, one in which purpose is bigger than body parts, identity is fuller than offspring, and legacy is so much more than DNA.

Who was your mother before she was a mother? Essays and photos from Brit Bennett, Jennifer Egan, Danzy Senna, Laura Lippman, Jia Tolentino, and many more. In this remarkable collection, New York Times–bestselling novelist Edan Lepucki gathers more than sixty original essays and favorite photographs to explore this question. The daughters in Mothers Before are writers and poets, artists and teachers, and the images and stories they share reveal the lives of women in ways that are vulnerable and true, sometimes funny, sometimes sad, and always moving. Contributors include: Brit Bennett * Jennine Capó Crucet * Jennifer Egan * Angela Garbes * Annabeth Gish * Alison Roman * Lisa See * Danzy Senna * Dana Spiotta * Lan Samantha Chang * Laura Lippman * Jia Tolentino * Tiffany Nguyen * Charmaine Craig * Maya Ramakrishnan * Eirene Donohue * and many others

A collection of feminist essays steeped in “Solnit’s unapologetically observant and truth-speaking voice on toxic, violent masculinity” (The Los Angeles Review). In a timely and incisive follow-up to her national bestseller Men Explain Things to Me, Rebecca Solnit offers sharp commentary on women who refuse to be silenced, misogynistic violence, the fragile masculinity of the literary canon, the gender binary, the recent history of rape jokes, and much more. In characteristic style, “Solnit draw[s] anecdotes of female indignity or male aggression from history, social media, literature, popular culture, and the news . . . The main essay in the book is about the various ways that women are silenced, and Solnit focuses upon the power of storytelling—the way that who gets to speak, and about what, shapes how a society understands itself and what it expects from its members. The Mother of All Questions poses the thesis that telling women’s stories to the world will change the way that the world treats women, and it sets out to tell as many of those stories as possible” (The New Yorker). “There’s a new feminist revolution—open to people of all genders—brewing right now and Rebecca Solnit is one of its most powerful, not to mention beguiling, voices.”—Barbara Ehrenreich, New York Times–bestselling author of Natural Causes “Short, incisive essays that pack a powerful punch.” —Publishers Weekly “A keen and timely commentary on gender and feminism. Solnit’s voice is calm, clear, and unapologetic; each essay balances a warm wit with confident, thoughtful analysis, resulting in a collection that is as enjoyable and accessible as it is incisive.” —Booklist

Have you ever looked at the lengthy school holiday dates and silently screamed in desperation? Have you gone part time yet are still doing a full-time workload? Have you ever been too afraid to ask about maternity benefits or flexible working? Do you constantly feel guilty about missing school events and secretly envious of other mums at the school gates who seem to be doing it all better than you? If any (or all) of the above rings true for you, you are NOT alone. While the demands of work are increasing with longer working hours and more pressure to remain 'switched on' to our phones and computers, the needs of our children and the world of school and childcare have stayed the same. Something has got to change before we all reach breaking point. The Mother of All Jobs brings together the wisdom of women who opened up about their experiences into a manifesto to help working parents thrive.

Women who opt not to be mothers are frequently warned that they will regret their decision later in life, yet we rarely talk about the possibility that the opposite might also be true—that women who have children might regret it. Drawing on years of research interviewing women from a variety of socioeconomic, educational, and professional backgrounds, sociologist Orna Donath treats regret as a feminist issue: as regret marks the road not taken, we need to consider whether alternative paths for women currently are blocked off. She asks that we pay attention to what is forbidden by rules governing motherhood, time, and emotion, including the cultural assumption that motherhood is a “natural” role for women—for the sake of all women, not just those who regret becoming mothers. If we are disturbed by the idea that a woman might regret becoming a mother, Donath says, our response should not be to silence and shame these women; rather, we need to ask honest and difficult questions about how society pushes women into motherhood and why those who reconsider it are still seen as a danger to the status quo. Groundbreaking, thoughtful, and provocative, this is an especially needed book in our current political climate, as women's reproductive rights continue to be at the forefront of national debates.

I'm Jen Brister, stand-up comedian, middle-aged adolescent and, more recently, a mum. But not that mum I'm the other one. Confused? Lets back up a bit. Two years ago, my partner (a woman -- we're not solicitors) gave birth to twins. Yes. Yes. Already theres a lot to take in here: gay mums, twins, solicitors (I know! Believe me, I'm still reeling myself.) Like every new parent, I had absolutely no clue what I was doing. Add gay and non-biological to the mix and what do you get? Not a weird box of detergent, but a panicked beige lesbian desperately Googling, 'Will my babies love me?' at 3 a.m.

"I grew up in London with a Filipina woman called Juning, who had four children of her own living on a small island in the Philippines 7,000 miles away. Juning's husband left when their children were young, and all financial responsibility for the family fell to her. For several years Juning worked as a nanny in Manila, but in 1974, knowing that a local income could not stretch to cover her children's school fees, she decided to look for work abroad. Her youngest child was two years old when she left for Hong Kong. In 1976 my parents and brother, who was then a year old, moved from London to Hong Kong for my father's work with Barings Bank. My mother soon became pregnant with me, and in the spring of 1977 she advertised for a 'mother's help' at Waitrose in Hong Kong; Juning was one of four people who responded to the post. My mother tells me my brother hid each time someone arrived for the interview, until Juning came, when he headed straight for her lap. I'm grateful for my brother's discernment, and that in response it was Juning who my mother chose to employ, because though I have complicated feelings about growing up with someone else's mother and benefiting from her attention while her own children could not, Juning was certainly a very sound and loving person to entrust childcare to. Two or three years after Juning began working for my family in Hong Kong, we moved back to London, and Juning came with us. She continued to live with my family for twenty two years, until 1999. [...] Now, as an adult and a mother myself, the notion that Juning lived apart from her children for three decades is painful to imagine, and I can't shake off a feeling of strangeness that their lives and mine carried on in tandem for all those years, mine with their mother, theirs without. My parents chose to employ Juning, and her influence on my life has been so extensive, I can't say where it starts or ends. Juning chose to leave her children in order to financially support them, and the effect of this decision on her children's lives is also impossible to measure. We are all part of the same curious equation, we are all impacted, and after decades of living in tandem but remotely, I wanted to try to understand how."

"Slay Like a Mother is a feisty, clever, and fun blueprint for modern motherhood that belongs on every book shelf and in every diaper bag...As a woman and mother, you'll gain a newfound power, happiness, and ability to leap tall Lego buildings in a single bound."—Erin Falconer, author of How To Get Sh*t Done: Why Women Need to Stop Doing Everything So They Can Achieve Anything A revelatory, inspirational guide for mothers to crush their "never enough" mentality and slay every day! Katherine Wintsch knows firsthand the self-doubt that rages inside modern moms. As founder and CEO of The Mom Complex, she has studied the passions and pain points of moms worldwide to help some of the largest brands develop innovative new products and services. As a working mom of two, she was running in an exhausting cycle of "never enough"—not strong enough, not thin enough, not patient enough, not "mom" enough. In Slay Like a Mother, you'll laugh, you'll cry, and you'll discover eye-opening lessons about: THE MASK YOU'RE WEARING. The one you hide behind when you say everything is "just fine" when it's not. YOUR UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS. The goal-setting tactics you're deploying to get ahead could be what's holding you back. THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN STRUGGLING AND SUFFERING. Being a mother is a struggle — it always has been — but your suffering is optional. Brave, supportive, and insightful, the stories and advice in this book will encourage you to live more confidently, enjoy the present, and become your best self — as a woman, a mother, and beyond. Perfect for fans of Girl Wash Your Face and #IMomSoHard! ***As featured in The Wall Street Journal and Parade.com*** Additional Praise for Slay Like a Mother: "Wintsch's style is brisk and forthright with enough humor to make readers laugh even as she illuminates dark corners. Although this is aimed at moms, any woman will find this enlightening and encouraging."—Booklist, STARRED review "Slay Like a Mother is much more than a self-help book for women; it is the end of self-doubt and the beginning of self-love... and that is nothing short of life-changing"—Rachel Macy Stafford, New York Times bestselling author of Hands Free Mama