Surviving An Affair

How can a marriage survive an affair? Infidelity is one of life's most painful experiences for everyone involved--the betrayed spouse, the children, the extended family members, and even the lover and the wayward spouse. Once trust is broken, how can a couple ever hope to reconcile? In Surviving an Affair, Drs. Harley and Chalmers help you understand every aspect of infidelity--from the beginning of an affair through the restoration of the marriage. They describe: - why affairs begin and end - how to end an affair - how to restore the marriage - how to manage resentment and rebuild trust Surviving an Affair guides you step-by-step from the devastating blow of infidelity to a loving and trusting marriage. All questionnaires mentioned within this book are available in a fillable pdf format from the authors' websites identified on the last page.

"One of the foremost relationship experts at work today applies the insights of science toward understanding the real meaning of trust between a couple. He decodes the "why" behind betrayal and shows how partners can avoid or recover from unfaithfulness and maintain a loving relationship.Dr. John Gottman, the country's pre-eminent researcher on marriage, is famous for his Love Lab at the University of Washington in Seattle where he deciphers the mysteries of human relationships through scientific research. His thirty-five years of exploration have earned him numerous major awards, including from the National Institute of Mental Health, the American Psychological Association, and the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy. Now, Dr. Gottman offers surprising findings and advice on the characteristic that is at the heart of all relationships: Trust. Dr. Gottman has developed a formula that precisely calculates any couple's loyalty level. The results determine a relationship's likely future, including the potential for one or both partners to stray. A Love You Can Trust shows couples how to bolster their trust level and avoid what Dr. Gottman calls the "Roach Motel for Lovers." He describes how the outcome of--"sliding door moments," small pivotal points between a couple, can lead either to more emotional connection or to discontent. He suggests a new approach to handling adultery and reveals the varied and unexpected non-sexual ways that couples often betray each other. A Love You Can Trust guides couples through an empirically tested, trust-building program that will let them repair and maintain a long-term, intimate, and romantic relationship"--

"When Brian told me of his affair, my whole world was shattered. Since the affair, and since the difficult recovery period, I have excelled in amazing ways in every area of my life. I look and feel better than I did when I was in my twenties. I have more energy, more zeal and more enthusiasm for life. Since I have gotten over my insecurities, I experience far better relationships with my husband, children and others. I also have more fun. No matter what tragedies happen in our lives, we always have a choice, not a choice over what will happen to us, but a choice over how we will react to it. Will we become bitter or better? I chose to become better, and now my greatest tragedy has also become my greatest personal victory." – Anne Bercht "Would I want to go back to our marriage before the affair? Not a chance! Would I have liked to have gotten to this point some other way? Absolutely! Would I recommend an affair to others so they can reach a greater love and better marriage? Absolutely not! If you have experienced an affair, is rebuilding your marriage worth it? You bet it is! As long as you love each other and are willing to do the work." – Brian Bercht

Advocates against ending a relationship due to cheating, teaching both victims and perpetrators of infidelity how to deal with their feelings, reduce their sense of despair, and begin rebuilding a strong relationship.

Cheated on…Battered by emotion…You don't know where to turn. You feel betrayed, devastated, embarrassed, angry, and completely heartbroken. You ask yourself, "How can I stop infidelity from ruining my life?" "How do I cope with this nightmare? You don't realize there is a roadmap that explains what you are going through. That roadmap is Cheating in a Nutshell. Knowledge is Power and Understanding is Liberating. Whatever shade of infidelity you're dealing with, it is powerfully painful – and the feelings that come with it are hardly ever simple. Understanding your pain will change your way of thinking almost immediately. This book is for you if: --You just learned your partner cheated on you --You have been staying with a cheating partner --You were betrayed in a past relationship and seek a deeper understanding of your feelings In Cheating in a Nutshell, Wayne and Tamara Mitchell explain the source of your pain. There is a way out of this darkness, and the first step is to understand the structure of this awful experience. "The focus is on the betrayed, not the cheater, and if you've been cheated on, I agree with other reviewers: This is the best book, the only one you need." – Reader Review It's never too late to understand why you feel as you do. Read Cheating in a Nutshell.

"A fresh look at infidelity, broadening the focus from the havoc it wreaks within a committed relationship to consider also why people do it, what it means to them, and why breaking up is the expected response to duplicity — but not necessarily the wisest one.” — LA Review of Books From iconic couples’ therapist and bestselling author of Mating in Captivity comes a provocative and controversial look at infidelity with practical, honest, and empathetic advice for how to move beyond it. An affair: it can rob a couple of their relationship, their happiness, their very identity. And yet, this extremely common human experience is so poorly understood. What are we to make of this time-honored taboo—universally forbidden yet universally practiced? Why do people cheat—even those in happy marriages? Why does an affair hurt so much? When we say infidelity, what exactly do we mean? Do our romantic expectations of marriage set us up for betrayal? Is there such a thing as an affair-proof marriage? Is it possible to love more than one person at once? Can an affair ever help a marriage? Perel weaves real-life case stories with incisive psychological and cultural analysis in this fast-paced and compelling book. For the past ten years, Perel has traveled the globe and worked with hundreds of couples who have grappled with infidelity. Betrayal hurts, she writes, but it can be healed. An affair can even be the doorway to a new marriage—with the same person. With the right approach, couples can grow and learn from these tumultuous experiences, together or apart. Affairs, she argues, have a lot to teach us about modern relationships—what we expect, what we think we want, and what we feel entitled to. They offer a unique window into our personal and cultural attitudes about love, lust, and commitment. Through examining illicit love from multiple angles, Perel invites readers into an honest, enlightened, and entertaining exploration of modern marriage in its many variations. Fiercely intelligent, The State of Affairs provides a daring framework for understanding the intricacies of love and desire. As Perel observes, “Love is messy; infidelity more so. But it is also a window, like no other, into the crevices of the human heart.”

WHEN SHE CHEATED, My Story on SURVIVING Her Affair, is a raw account of my experience when I discovered my ex-wife's affair, and the subsequent navigation of the tumultuous reality brought on by that discovery.This is a story for those who are looking for something in the midst of one of the darkest times they will face. You are probably looking for advice, hope, justification, guidance, statistics, really anything that can help you navigate the turmoil you are facing. I know. I searched high and low and what I found was scarce information on the true emotional experience that a man can expect after discovering his partner's betrayal.I decided to share my story and write this book because I believe my experience and the journey I have been on since the discovery of my ex-wife's betrayal might possibly help someone who is going through a similar struggle and grasping for answers. Within these pages, You will read my story, as well as commentary on my reflections back on key emotions, feelings and thoughts that governed my experience in surviving the immediate aftermath of discovering my ex-wife's affair. You will also find tips on how I endured the pivotal moments following my discovery and some key takeaways from my experience. My name is Sean and I survived my ex-wife's affair. I am not an expert in psychology nor any matter of physical or mental health. What I am an expert in is my experience and I am uniquely qualified to share it. I will go as far to say there is no one more qualified than I am to share my experience.One of the main things I learned is that when you are struggling to survive the aftermath of discovering that your partner is having an affair, you are never as alone as you may feel. My story is emotional and it is raw. I make no apologies for my story and neither should you. In the wake of devastation, there is no shame in struggling to gather your emotions and thoughts. It is okay when you feel like you are losing control. Ultimately, you will get through this and your life will be opened to possibilities and opportunities that you may have never thought possible.Welcome to my story. I hope it helps with yours.

Moving forward wasn't a matter of trusting Joe. I had to learn to trust God. A single text message on her husband's phone shattered her world. Faced with the truth of his betrayal, Hilarie is tormented by anger and debilitating fear. The shame and confusion push her into isolation. Can she forgive the unforgiveable? Will she ever trust her husband again? Award-winning We Survived Infidelity, a true story, offers a rare perspective on a husband's battle with sexual brokenness, and a wife's struggle to grasp the truth. A nonbeliever, Hilarie is surprised when she hears God in the depths of her anguish. Slowly, she is awakened to a new hope, remarkable insights, and inexplicable love for the man who upended her world. Ride the emotional roller coaster through a past riddled with lies. Reflect on lessons that may bring about change in your own life. And most importantly.... Witness the transforming power of God's love in the lives of two people who refused to give up on each other. "This courageous work will be both comfort and challenge for any woman who feels alone in the devastating reality of infidelity." - Susan Allen, author and cofounder of Avenue Ministries "We Survived Infidelity, is a phenomenal love story that reveals how God can transform even the most impossible situation into a thriving, living example of His grace." - Jessica Brodie, South Carolina United Methodist Advocate "Hilarie's transparency is heart wrenchingly accurate..."-Meg Wilson, author and CEO of Hope After Betrayal Ministries *** Don't miss out on this journey of discovery. Purchase We Survived Infidelity today.