The Emotionally Destructive Relationship

Leslie Vernick, counselor and social worker, has witnessed the devastating effects of emotional abuse. Many, including many in the church, have not addressed this form of destruction in families and relationships because it is difficult to talk about. With godly guidance and practical experience, Vernick offers an empathetic approach to recognizing an emotionally destructive relationship and addresses the symptoms and the damage with biblical tools. Readers will understand how to: Reveal behaviors that are meant to control, punish, and hurt Confront and speak truth when the timing is right Determine when to keep trying, when to get out Get safe and stay safe Build an identity in Christ This practical and thorough resource will help countless individuals, families, and churches view abuse from God's perspective and understand how vital it is for victims to embrace His freedom from the physical, emotional, spiritual, and generational effects of emotionally destructive relationships.

Something Has to Change… You can’t put it into words, but something is happening to you. Your stomach churns, your heart aches, and the tension in your marriage is making you feel weary and a little crazy. The constant criticism, disrespect, cruelty, deceit, and gross indifference are eroding your confidence and breaking your spirit. For any woman caught in an emotionally destructive marriage, Leslie Vernick offers a personalized path forward. Based on decades of counseling experience, her intensely practical, biblical advice will show you how to establish boundaries and break free from emotional abuse. Learn to: · identify damaging behaviors · gain the skills to respond wisely · promote healthy change · stay safe · understand when, why, and even how to leave · recognize that God sees and hates what is happening to you Trying harder to be a perfect fantasy wife won’t help fix what’s wrong your marriage. Discover instead how you can initiate effective changes to stop the cycle of destruction and restore hope for the future. “Women in an emotionally abusive marriage do not need another book on how to have a good marriage; those books rub salt in raw wounds. No, they desperately need this book so that they can diagnose just how bad their marriage is and then, with Leslie’s clear expertise, develop a plan that will either begin to turn their marriage around...or give them a wise route of escape.” —Dee Brestin, author of Idol Lies and The Friendships of Women

Experience the Blessings of an Imperfect Marriage. We all–at one time or another–have the opportunity to act right when our spouse acts wrong. There are no perfect marriages or perfect spouses. We know that having a good marriage requires effort and hard work. Yet we often don’t know how to continue to love when we are angry, hurt, scared, or just plain irritated. Nor are we sure what that kind of love is supposed to look like. Should we be patient? Forgive and forget? Do something else entirely? Acting right when your spouse acts wrong will not necessarily guarantee a more satisfying marital relationship, nor will it automatically make your spouse change his or her ways–although both could occur. It will, however, help you see how God is stretching you in the midst of your marital difficulties, teach you to respond wisely when wronged, and lead you into a deeper relationship with Christ as you yield your will to his plan for your life and learn to be more like him.

"Engel doesn't just describe-she shows us the way out." -Susan Forward, author of Emotional Blackmail Praise for the emotionally abusive relationship "In this book, Beverly Engel clearly and with caring offers step-by-step strategies to stop emotional abuse. . . helping both victims and abusers to identify the patterns of this painful and traumatic type of abuse. This book is a guide both for individuals and for couples stuck in the tragic patterns of emotional abuse." -Marti Loring, Ph.D., author of Emotional Abuse and coeditor of The Journal of Emotional Abuse "This groundbreaking book succeeds in helping people stop emotional abuse by focusing on both the abuser and the abused and showing each party what emotional abuse is, how it affects the relationship, and how to stop it. Its unique focus on the dynamic relationship makes it more likely that each person will grasp the tools for change and really use them." -Randi Kreger, author of The Stop Walking on Eggshells Workbook and owner of BPDCentral.com The number of people who become involved with partners who abuse them emotionally and/or who are emotionally abusive themselves is phenomenal, and yet emotional abuse is the least understood form of abuse. In this breakthrough book, Beverly Engel, one of the world's leading experts on the subject, shows us what it is and what to do about it. Whether you suspect you are being emotionally abused, fear that you might be emotionally abusing your partner, or think that both you and your partner are emotionally abusing each other, this book is for you. The Emotionally Abusive Relationship will tell you how to identify emotional abuse and how to find the roots of your behavior. Combining dramatic personal stories with action steps to heal, Engel provides prescriptive strategies that will allow you and your partner to work together to stop bringing out the worst in each other and stop the abuse. By teaching those who are being emotionally abused how to help themselves and those who are being emotionally abusive how to stop abusing, The Emotionally Abusive Relationship offers the expert guidance and support you need.

"Extremely informative and comprehensive." —Lundy Bancroft, author of Why Does He Do That? The world-renowned therapist and author of the groundbreaking self-help classic, The Emotionally Abused Woman, delves into one of the most destructive and powerful weapons of the abuser: shame. And reveals its most powerful antidote . . . Does your partner humiliate you, especially in front of others? Is your partner impossible to please? Are you convinced something is wrong with you? Are you too ashamed to admit you are being abused? In The Emotionally Abused Woman, therapistBeverly Engel introduced the concept of emotional abuse, one of the most subtle, yet devastating forms of abuse within a relationship. Now Engel exposes the techniques the abuser uses to break your spirit and gain control—and guides you in how to free yourself from the shame that can keep you from the life, and the love, that you deserve. By using your deepest fears against you, the abuser strips you of self-esteem, dignity, and humanity—making you feel unworthy and utterly powerless to escape. But you possess a potent tool with which to combat shame: self-compassion. In these pages, Engel shows you how to access it. Using her highly effective Shame Reduction Program, she helps you jumpstart the process of recovery by offering specific steps to help you heal and regain self-confidence. An invaluable resource for both men and women who suffer from emotional abuse, as well as therapists and advocates, Escaping Emotional Abuse is a supportive, nurturing guide for anyone seeking to break the chains of shame, and gain the emotional freedom to create healthier, lasting relationships. "A warm, compassionate, and incredibly insightful guide through the recovery journey." —Jackson MacKenzie, author of Psychopath Free “I highly recommend this book for anyone—female or male—who suspects they are being emotionally abused.” —Randi Kreger, co-author of Stop Walking on Eggshells and author of The Essential Guide to Borderline Personality Disorder “A roadmap to healing from the entanglement of shame and abuse.” —Darlene Lancer, LMFT, author of Conquering Shame and Codependency

If you are struggling to decide if it's worth fighting for your relationship or if it's time to leave, and you're serious about finding that answer...this book is the most important book you'll ever read.

“A sensible book, full of insight and hope,”* that offers support and guidance in freeing emotionally abused women from the cycle of abuse and establishing new healthy patterns of relating to others. *Booklist • Does your husband or lover constantly criticize you and put his needs before yours? • Do you sometimes wonder if your best friend is truly a friend? • Does your boss try to control your every move? • Does your fear of being left alone keep you in chronically hurtful relationships? If any of these questions sound familiar, you could very well be suffering from emotional abuse—the most widespread but also the most hidden abuse that women experience. This type of abuse is just as damaging as physical or sexual abuse. But there is help in this invaluable compassionate sourcebook. As a marriage, family, and child therapist who has grappled with these issues herself, Beverly Engel guides you through a step-by-step recover process, helping you shed the habits begun in childhood and take the first few steps toward healthy change. Using numerous examples drawn from case history and her own therapeutic expertise, Engel will show you how to • Recognize and understand the abusers in your life • Identify the patterns that have kept you emotionally trapped • Complete your unfinished business • Decide whether to walk away from an abusive relationship or take a stand and stay • Heal the damage of abuse by building self-esteem • Break the cycle of abuse and open yourself to the promise of healthy relationships

Whether it's dealing with a critical parent, an unkind spouse, unappreciative children, or a demanding boss, Dr. Jill Murray presents way to help readers recognize the patterns of destructive relationships and provides strategies for positive change.