Escaping Emotional Abuse

"Extremely informative and comprehensive." —Lundy Bancroft, author of Why Does He Do That? The world-renowned therapist and author of the groundbreaking self-help classic, The Emotionally Abused Woman, delves into one of the most destructive and powerful weapons of the abuser: shame. And reveals its most powerful antidote . . . Does your partner humiliate you, especially in front of others? Is your partner impossible to please? Are you convinced something is wrong with you? Are you too ashamed to admit you are being abused? In The Emotionally Abused Woman, therapistBeverly Engel introduced the concept of emotional abuse, one of the most subtle, yet devastating forms of abuse within a relationship. Now Engel exposes the techniques the abuser uses to break your spirit and gain control—and guides you in how to free yourself from the shame that can keep you from the life, and the love, that you deserve. By using your deepest fears against you, the abuser strips you of self-esteem, dignity, and humanity—making you feel unworthy and utterly powerless to escape. But you possess a potent tool with which to combat shame: self-compassion. In these pages, Engel shows you how to access it. Using her highly effective Shame Reduction Program, she helps you jumpstart the process of recovery by offering specific steps to help you heal and regain self-confidence. An invaluable resource for both men and women who suffer from emotional abuse, as well as therapists and advocates, Escaping Emotional Abuse is a supportive, nurturing guide for anyone seeking to break the chains of shame, and gain the emotional freedom to create healthier, lasting relationships. "A warm, compassionate, and incredibly insightful guide through the recovery journey." —Jackson MacKenzie, author of Psychopath Free “I highly recommend this book for anyone—female or male—who suspects they are being emotionally abused.” —Randi Kreger, co-author of Stop Walking on Eggshells and author of The Essential Guide to Borderline Personality Disorder “A roadmap to healing from the entanglement of shame and abuse.” —Darlene Lancer, LMFT, author of Conquering Shame and Codependency

Many books have been written about toxic relationships, narcissistic partners and emotional abuse, but few provide such an honest, emotionally wrenching insider account of the destruction of a seemingly happy relationship from the start. Join Lauren as she moves through what appeared to be a happy relationship to an emotional nightmare. Along the way, you will learn about all the signs and symptoms of a toxic relationship first hand and discover Lauren's reactions and strategies for survival. You will also follow Lauren as she discovers hope and healing and finds what she is really looking for in a healthy relationship. Few books capture the brutally honest experiences and stories of emotional abuse as does Lauren's book, which will help you to grow and heal along the way.

"Engel doesn't just describe-she shows us the way out." -Susan Forward, author of Emotional Blackmail Praise for the emotionally abusive relationship "In this book, Beverly Engel clearly and with caring offers step-by-step strategies to stop emotional abuse. . . helping both victims and abusers to identify the patterns of this painful and traumatic type of abuse. This book is a guide both for individuals and for couples stuck in the tragic patterns of emotional abuse." -Marti Loring, Ph.D., author of Emotional Abuse and coeditor of The Journal of Emotional Abuse "This groundbreaking book succeeds in helping people stop emotional abuse by focusing on both the abuser and the abused and showing each party what emotional abuse is, how it affects the relationship, and how to stop it. Its unique focus on the dynamic relationship makes it more likely that each person will grasp the tools for change and really use them." -Randi Kreger, author of The Stop Walking on Eggshells Workbook and owner of BPDCentral.com The number of people who become involved with partners who abuse them emotionally and/or who are emotionally abusive themselves is phenomenal, and yet emotional abuse is the least understood form of abuse. In this breakthrough book, Beverly Engel, one of the world's leading experts on the subject, shows us what it is and what to do about it. Whether you suspect you are being emotionally abused, fear that you might be emotionally abusing your partner, or think that both you and your partner are emotionally abusing each other, this book is for you. The Emotionally Abusive Relationship will tell you how to identify emotional abuse and how to find the roots of your behavior. Combining dramatic personal stories with action steps to heal, Engel provides prescriptive strategies that will allow you and your partner to work together to stop bringing out the worst in each other and stop the abuse. By teaching those who are being emotionally abused how to help themselves and those who are being emotionally abusive how to stop abusing, The Emotionally Abusive Relationship offers the expert guidance and support you need.

“A sensible book, full of insight and hope,”* that offers support and guidance in freeing emotionally abused women from the cycle of abuse and establishing new healthy patterns of relating to others. *Booklist • Does your husband or lover constantly criticize you and put his needs before yours? • Do you sometimes wonder if your best friend is truly a friend? • Does your boss try to control your every move? • Does your fear of being left alone keep you in chronically hurtful relationships? If any of these questions sound familiar, you could very well be suffering from emotional abuse—the most widespread but also the most hidden abuse that women experience. This type of abuse is just as damaging as physical or sexual abuse. But there is help in this invaluable compassionate sourcebook. As a marriage, family, and child therapist who has grappled with these issues herself, Beverly Engel guides you through a step-by-step recover process, helping you shed the habits begun in childhood and take the first few steps toward healthy change. Using numerous examples drawn from case history and her own therapeutic expertise, Engel will show you how to • Recognize and understand the abusers in your life • Identify the patterns that have kept you emotionally trapped • Complete your unfinished business • Decide whether to walk away from an abusive relationship or take a stand and stay • Heal the damage of abuse by building self-esteem • Break the cycle of abuse and open yourself to the promise of healthy relationships

Shame is one of the most destructive of human emotions. If you suffered childhood physical or sexual abuse, you may experience such intense feelings of shame that it almost seems to define you as a person. In order to begin healing, it’s important for you to know that it wasn’t your fault. In this gentle guide, therapist and childhood abuse expert Beverly Engel presents a mindfulness and compassion-based therapeutic approach to help you overcome the debilitating shame that keeps you tied to the past. By following the step-by-step exercises in this book, you’ll gain a greater understanding of the root cause of your shame. And by cultivating compassion toward yourself, you will begin to heal and move past your painful experiences. Recent studies show that trauma survivors, particularly those with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) resulting from abuse, can greatly benefit from incorporating elements of self-compassion into their treatment. Furthermore, the practice of self-compassion has been shown to decrease PTSD symptoms, including, self-criticism, thought suppression, and rumination. This book is based on the author’s powerful and effective Compassion Cure program. With this book, you will develop the skills needed to finally put a stop the crippling self-blame that keeps you from moving on and being happy. You’ll learn to focus on your strengths, your courage, and your extraordinary ability to survive. Most of all, you’ll learn to replace shame with its counter emotion—pride.

In this groundbreaking bestseller, Lundy Bancroft—a counselor who specializes in working with abusive men—uses his knowledge about how abusers think to help women recognize when they are being controlled or devalued, and to find ways to get free of an abusive relationship. He says he loves you. So...why does he do that? You’ve asked yourself this question again and again. Now you have the chance to see inside the minds of angry and controlling men—and change your life. In Why Does He Do That? you will learn about: • The early warning signs of abuse • The nature of abusive thinking • Myths about abusers • Ten abusive personality types • The role of drugs and alcohol • What you can fix, and what you can’t • And how to get out of an abusive relationship safely “This is without a doubt the most informative and useful book yet written on the subject of abusive men. Women who are armed with the insights found in these pages will be on the road to recovering control of their lives.”—Jay G. Silverman, Ph.D., Director, Violence Prevention Programs, Harvard School of Public Health

A step-by-step guide to help both victims of emotional abuse and their abusers escape unhealthy patterns originating from childhood abuse and neglect In the second edition of The Emotionally Abusive Relationship: How to Stop Being Abused and How to Stop Abusing, internationally recognized therapist Beverly Engel walks readers through a proven program designed to help readers get to the core of their unhealthy behavior patterns. This book was written specifically for two types of couples—those who mutually abuse each other and those with abusive partners who are willing to honestly look at themselves to and make the necessary changes to stop abusing. Unique among books of this type, Engel focuses on both the abused person and the abuser, offering non-judgmental advice to both groups. She offers effective strategies, techniques, and information to end abusive behaviors, including: Why some people are attracted to abusive people and vice versa Patterns created from childhood neglect and abuse and how to break them Determining if you or your partner suffers from a personality disorder such as Narcissism or Borderline Personality Disorder How to decide whether to continue the relationship or end it The importance of healing shame caused by childhood neglect and abuse How self-compassion can help heal both victims of emotional abuse and the abusers themselves The Emotionally Abusive Relationship is essential for those involved in unhealthy relationships or who have loved ones trapped in an emotionally abusive situation. Therapist recommended, this book is also a must-read resource for students of psychotherapy.

Since its original publication in 1982, Getting Free has changed the lives of tens of thousands of women. Written in an accessible style, packed with practical information and answers, special exercises designed to help a woman recognize abuse, and several success stories, Getting Free remains an important resource today—and this updated edition makes it an all the more relevant resource. In this expanded edition, Ginny NiCarthy features important new information from the latest studies and most recent research on the subject. New chapters include an analysis of whether batterers’ treatment really works, which programs help violent men change, and which do not; the results of research on the ways that many men who batter also abuse their children, and specific reactions of children to battering; the cultural and legal issues relevant to immigrant women; and a presentation of how religious beliefs and religious communities affect the real and perceived choices of women facing violence.