The Festivus Haggadah

This Festivus Haggadah uses the classic haggadah as its template, and fuses as much of the Seinfeld canon - and particularly, the curious details of the Festivus holiday - as possible into it. It's a tribute, an homage, a comedic fusion, and something you can enjoy around the Festivus or Passover table. Two holidays, for the low price of one.

Art thee a teenager? Most wondrous. How about a tweenager? Coequal better. Perhaps thou art a drossy adolescent or gamesome adult? Readeth this while the stodgy elders and fartuous children readeth the haggadot, catered only to those folk—until now. Thou canst useth this as an actual Haggadah too, as the full Hebrew text be on the left, and Shakespeare's rendering be on the right. So it readeth right, which sounds like it should beest the opposite, but it be not as confusing as thou mayest thinketh.

The Haggadah about Nothing by Rabbi Sam Reinstein features commentary and parody connecting the Haggadah, the Exodus story, and other Jewish texts to the nine seasons of the seminal show, Seinfeld.

Until a vaccine arrives, & until all comply with self-isolating & distancing, the only thing left to battle the 11th plague of coronavirus is humor. That's all we have. So enjoy around the Passover table, & may we return to the Old Normal soon. Amen. All proceeds go to whom the book is dedicated: for all those in the trenches. Note: formatting might be imperfect, due to the rush to get this out before Passover 2020.

With just the right blend of text and commentary, the popular A Family Haggadah, with new full-color art, is the haggadah of choice for families with young children to use at their Passover seders. Hebrew prayers and songs include English translations and transliterations.

UPDATED: Now with Hebrew characters and gender-neutral phrasing! A Haggadah you can read from cover to cover. No decisions! No skipping! No guilt! A Haggadah long enough to cover everything, yet short enough to conquer boredom. A Haggadah that's easy to follow, even for those who have never led or attended a Seder before. A Haggadah that encourages everyone to participate, without any confusion as to who says what. A Haggadah that celebrates freedom. A Haggadah that highlights traditional Jewish values alongside modern American ideals. A Haggadah that explains everything! _____ This e-book version is for those participants who prefer to read on their ereaders, smartphones, or tablets. Printed paperback copies and other digital formats are also available for purchase on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Apple Books, and Kobo. _____ PRAISE FROM REVIEWERS… “My family and guests loved it. First time we went back to Haggadah to finish the Seder after the meal.” “Thank you for a wonderful Haggadah. It honors our traditions and makes them relevant for today. Even my 13 and 15 year olds were inspired to participate!” “My family and I used this for our first Passover Seder tonight. We had a beautiful experience together. Everything was easy to follow and understand.” “The subtitle—a "simple" version—is not really true. We all felt the text was clear and thorough. This group of long-time Passover observers all learned things.” “We went through the whole Haggadah, the story was told nicely with both English and some Hebrew (and transliterations). We loved it!” “…a clear path to a lovely Passover dinner. Sharing this with newcomers puts them at ease to share in this beautiful tradition.” “Easy to follow, covered everything in a clear way for people unfamiliar with Passover. Appreciate the modern, liberal, inclusive tone. Highly recommended!” “I'm very glad we used "The New American Haggadah" last night and we'll continue to use it in years to come.” “Easy to use. Covers all the basics and tells a great story.” “Fantastic Haggadah. It is the perfect length. Tells the story without being too redundant. I highly recommend this to every family.” “Just right! It captured the traditional story—and not too long nor too short.” “We had a very "mixed" group at our Passover seder this year, ranging from extremely religious to extremely nonreligious, together with devout guests from other religions, and I feel like this book made for an enjoyable and accessible Seder experience for everybody involved.” “This combines all the favorite and traditional aspects of your grandpa's Haggadah while serving the needs of Jews in America today who want a modern explanation. Everyone contributes and there is no confusion at all about what the order is, what part is next, no frantic turning pages back and forth, stage whispering of "what page are we on?" and it has finally quashed the heckling from the Seder table crowd. You'll love this as our family did.” “I was pleased that the updates on concern for minorities was handled well, and the broader philosophies were not "preachy" but rather are thought-provoking and appropriate. The traditional Hebrew prayers are in there, and a comprehensive story of the Exodus is most informative to even those who go through it every year.” “Just finished a Seder guided by the New American Haggadah. We had a group of 23 participants. Everyone got involved in a story that is a cornerstone of the Jewish faith. It is a great read for today's insightful and intelligent Jewish family who has a rational understanding of Jewish history.” _____ You might enjoy this Haggadah if you like: short, simple, and fun Passover dinners; easy Seder meals; events with children and family; or Reform Jewish holidays.