The Funny Thing Is

An indispensable reference for anyone who knows how to read—or wants to fool people into thinking they do—The Funny Thing Is... is sure to make you laugh. Ellen DeGeneres published her first book of comic essays, the #1 bestselling My Point...And I Do Have One, way back in 1996. Not one to rest on her laurels, the witty star of stage and screen has since dedicated her life to writing a hilarious new book. That book is this book. After years of painstaking, round-the-clock research, surviving on a mere twenty minutes of sleep a night, and collaborating with lexicographers, plumbers, and mathematicians, DeGeneres has crafted a work that is both easy to use and very funny. Along with her trademark ramblings, The Funny Thing Is... contains hundreds of succinct insights into her psyche and offers innovative features including: -More than 50,000 simple, short words arranged in sentences that form paragraphs. -Thousands of observations on everyday life—from terrible fashion trends to how to handle seating arrangements for a Sunday brunch with Paula Abdul, Diane Sawyer, and Eminem. -All twenty-six letters of the alphabet.

First, some giant ants steal breakfast. Then there are the evil ninjas, massive ape, mysterious mole people, giant blob, and countless other daunting (and astonishing) detours along the way to school. Are these excuses really why this student is late? Or is there another explanation that is even more outrageous than the rest? From Davide Cali and Benjamin Chaud, the critically acclaimed author/illustrator team behind I Didn't Do My Homework Because . . . comes a fast-paced, actionpacked, laugh-out-loud story about finding the way to school despite the odds—and the unbelievable oddness! Plus, this is the fixed format version, which will look almost identical to the print version. Additionally for devices that support audio, this ebook includes a read-along setting.

The Funny Thing is an "aminal" who eats nothing but dolls until the good little man of the mountains gets him to taste the jum jills.

There's more to this museum than meets the eye! This is the wonderfully wacky world of celebrated international author-illustrator team Davide Cali and Benjamin Chaud, the duo behind Junior Library Guild selections I Didn't Do My Homework Because . . . , The Truth About My Unbelievable Summer . . . , and A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to School . . . . Notoriously (and delightfully) unreliable narrator Henry is late to a museum where his class is spending the day. But he has a plan: He'll just catch up in one of the exhibits. That's not possible in these halls! With volcanoes erupting, dinosaurs charging, and secret stairwells lurking, reuniting with his classmates becomes a quest of outrageous proportions. Young readers will revel in this entertaining book's over-the-top antics.

The inspiring, feel-good Richard & Judy Book Club pick about a small boy with a big heart - and even bigger dreams. 'One of those gorgeous books that completely lifts your spirits and restores your faith in humanity' - Ruth Jones, co-creator of Gavin and Stacey and bestselling author of Us Three It was a journey they would always remember . . . for a friend they'd never forget. Norman and Jax are a legendary comedic duo in waiting, with a five-year plan to perform at the Edinburgh Fringe by the time they're fifteen. But when Jax dies before they turn twelve, Norman decides a tribute act for his best friend just can't wait, so he rewrites their plan: 1. Look after Mum | 2. Find Dad | 3. Get to the Edinburgh Fringe Sadie knows she won't win Mother of the Year and she's not proud she doesn't know who her son's father is. But when she finds Norman's list, all she wants is to see her son smile again. So, enlisting the help of eccentric friend Leonard - an 84-year-old veteran with superior planning skills and a thirst for adventure! - they set off on a pilgrimage to Edinburgh, making a few stops to find Norman's dad along the way. - 'An uplifting tale of love, loss and the redemptive power of humour' - Mail on Sunday 'Charming, funny and cheering' - Beth Morrey, author of Saving Missy 'As moving as it is funny. And it's very funny' - Romesh Ranganathan 'He's wheedled his way into my heart, and I suspect I'll have a Norman-shaped hole there forever' - Clare Pooley, author of The Authenticity Project Readers are in love with Norman: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ 'This has everything a feel good book should have. I loved it' ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ 'Norman is one of the most lovable characters I have ever met' ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ 'A book to make you laugh and cry in the same moment, a bittersweet read' ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ 'A charming, uplifting tale of love, family, friendship and hope' ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ 'A beautifully written novel about having the courage to hold on to and chase your dreams'

In the tradition of TUESDAYS WITH MORRIE and THE LAST LECTURE comes an inspiring book of life lessons from Michael J Fox. Michael J Fox didn't finish high school, but he has gone on to receive honorary degrees from several universities and has achieved the highest accolades for his acting, as well as his writing. In his new book, he inspires and motivates his readers to work hard, achieve the most they can and maximise their abilities – all with his trademark optimism, warmth and humour. From moving to Los Angeles fresh from Canada, without a high school degree and learning to live on a wage to taking on roles in 'Family Ties' and the 'Back to the Future' movies and nearly crashing and burning and then learning to cope first with the death of his father and then with his own diagnosis of Parkinson's disease, MJF shares what he's learned about life, work, love, family and happiness and everything else along the way.

Slipknot and Stone Sour singer Corey Taylor's New York Times bestselling journey into the world of ghosts and the supernatural Corey Taylor has seen a lot of unbelievable things. However, many of his most incredible experiences might just shock you. For much of his life, the Grammy Award-winning singer of Slipknot and Stone Sour and New York Times bestselling author of Seven Deadly Sins has brushed up against the supernatural world. Those encounters impacted his own personal evolution just as much as headlining at Castle Donington in front of 100,000 people at Download Festival or debuting at #1 on the Billboard Top 200. Since growing up in Iowa, his own curiosity drew him into situations that would've sent most people screaming scared and running for the hills. He's ballsy enough to go into the darkness and deal with the consequences, though. As a result, he's seen ghosts up close and personal, whether while combing through an abandoned house in his native Iowa as a child or recording an album in the fabled Houdini Hollywood Hills mansion. He's also got the memories (and scars) to prove it. For some reason, he can't seem to shake these spectral stories, and that brings us to this little tome right here... At the same time, being an erudite, tattooed, modern Renaissance Man, he was never one for Sunday Service. Simply put, he's seen ghosts, but he hasn't seen Jesus. Taylor especially can't find a reason why people do the insane things they do in HIS name. That's where everything gets really interesting. His second book, A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to Heaven, compiles Taylor's most intimate, incredible, and insane moments with the supernatural. His memories are as vivid as they are vicious. As he recounts these stories, he questions the validity of religious belief systems and two-thousand-year-old dogma. As always, his rapid-fire writing, razor sharp sense of humor, unbridled honesty, and cozy anecdotes make quite the case for his point. You might end up believing him or not. That's up to you, of course. Either way, you're in for a hell of a ride.

In this chronicle of one person’s poignant and harrowing road to fulfillment, Mike celebrates his chosen life in the comedy business with personal tales of romantic calamities, celebrity run-ins, professional misfortunes, and triumphs. He reinforces the notion that you can accomplish (almost) anything you want if you’re willing to get your ass kicked along the way. It’s a Funny Thing solidifies Michael Rowe’s reputation as not just an all around nice guy, but also a skilled observer in self, the human condition, and dogged perseverance. MICHAEL ROWE, a former comedian now comedy writer/producer, has been nominated for six Emmys for his work on Futurama and Family Guy, earning one along the way. Mike’s also been nominated for two Annie Awards, earning two; a Writers Guild Award, and a Gemini Award. He has earned a Webby Award for his original animated series The Paranormal Action Squad. His writing has also appeared in Vanity Fair magazine. He lives in Los Angeles with his wife, twin sons and a silly dog named Marty Allen. “If you’ve ever had any interest in comedians, like what went wrong in our lives to make us so deeply disturbed, you will devour Mike Rowe’s insightful, personal, and yes, very funny book. Such a great read for smart people—and morons will like it, too.” — Larry David “During long, grueling nights working way too late in the writers’ room, when everyone had grown snarly and surly and silent, Mike would continue to pepper us with hilarious jokes. He was that cruel. And now he’s written a book that’s not only funny, but also sweet and sensitive. What is it with this guy?” — Matt Groening “Why would I want to read Mike’s book that highlights the struggles of coming up the ranks in the New York comedy club scene? I was there with him! I could write that book myself!!Then I read it and realized...I can’t write like this! Son of a bitch.” —Ray Romano “Having witnessed only a part of Mike’s life, I can tell you the whole thing is a doozy of a read. He is as much a fan of comedy as he is a fixture in it. The best always are.” — Sarah Silverman “We expected Mike Rowe to be a dick because he’s a big fancy Hollywood guy and he doesn’t smoke dope, and we weren’t wrong. But the book is pretty fu@king funny.” — The Trailer Park Boys