The Little Book Of Excuses

Nobody ever said being an adult was easy. But it's easier with The Little Book of Big Excuses, with hundreds of excuses for things you did, things you didn't do, things you did wrong, and things you never want to hear about again. First things first: "Fake Don't Flake." In here are your excuses for being late for or not showing up to any number of places for any number of reasons--grandma's birthday party, work, home, weddings, dentists appointments. "Excusez-Moi, si'l vous plait" is where to look when you're caught wearing a halter top to a black tie event. Or forget your boss's spouse's name--again. Or don't want to pick up the tab. The French have a word for everything. If you need to learn how to say "I'd Love to, but"--the art of articulating just why you can't do most anything you don't want to do--in any language, this is the book for you. Demonstrate your incompetence. When someone asks you to bring those complicated hors d'oeuvres, show up half an hour late with half the ingredients. Bonus section here: how to get someone else to do all the work while you still get the credit. "Delivery Subsystem Failure--Mailboxes, Messages, Missives Gone Awry, Oh My!" Never, ever again will you want for an excuse for not writing, calling, IMing, or emailing. Fake communication breakdowns make fail-safe excuses for a myriad of don't wannas and didn't do its. "All's Fair in Love" contains excuses for not calling, not going on the second date, forgetting the birthday or anniversary of the one you love. Plus how to retreat with remorse, even from the altar steps. Hint: You could have your mother or your manager phone it in. That's what Julia Roberts did. * Hundreds of excuses for thousands of situations, plus "The Excuse Clinic: How to Make Lame Excuses Walk and Okay Excuses Sing." * Life is serious business, people, so pay attention. Let Addie help you off the hook.

Ever been caught with your trousers down (literally or metaphorically) and needed a good excuse? Look no further, A Little Book of Excuses will have excuses to cover every situation: 'I can't come in to work today because I'm stalking my ex-boss who fired me for not showing up for work.' 'I've used up all my sick days... so I'm calling in dead.' 'She meant nothing to me.... other than a night of wild passion that i will remember to the end of my days and against which i will measure all other women.'

This fabulously fun flipbook allows you to generate over 100 million excellent excuses for all occasions. Wacky, zany, and sometimes plain silly, this book will ensure you'll always have the right answer for anything!

Late for school? Didn't do your homework? Need a bigger allowance? Don't want to clean your room? Garfield helps children explain all this and more in the newest humor book staring America's favorite fat cat. BandW illustrations.

If you're in need of a day off, an alibi, a massive governmental cover-up, a reason not to see your nanna when you've got a love bite, or you simply want an excuse to behave badly, then this is the book for you! Forget the hairy old 'dog ate my homework' - you need a bunch of all-new all-purpose excuses- I am currently the object of a large land, air and sea search The batteries in my magic wand wore out My pants are on fire

This indispensable reference guide offers hundreds of excuses for thousands of situations—from missed birthdays to unpaid parking tickets and more! Nobody ever said being an adult was easy. But it's definitely easier with hundreds of excuses for things you did, didn't do, or simply never want to hear about again. The Little Book of Big Excuses is your guide to saving face, avoiding blame, and getting out of almost any unpleasant situation. In “Fake, Don't Flake" you’ll learn how to successfully show up late—or not at all—to any number of places for any number of reasons. "Excusez-Moi, si'l vous plait" tells you just the right words to say if you're caught wearing a halter top to a black tie event. Or forget your boss's spouse's name (again). Or don't want to pick up the tab. The French have a word for everything. And you’ll always have an excuse for not calling, IMing, or emailing with the bonus chapter: “Delivery Subsystem Failure—Mailboxes, Messages, Missives Gone Awry, Oh My!”.

From "the wrong sort of snow" to "the dog ate it" via "I fell on the vacuum" how anyone ever thought that they would get away with these patheticxcuses is a complete mystery. This is a collection of pointlessrevarication, walloping white lies and appalling apologise.