The Nice Girl Syndrome

How women can overcome the pressure to please others and feel free to be their true selves Are you too nice for your own good? Do family members manipulate you? Do coworkers take advantage of you? If this sounds familiar, read The Nice Girl Syndrome. In this breakthrough guide, renowned author and therapist Beverly Engel, who has helped thousands of women recognize and leave emotionally abusive relationships, can show you how to take control of your life and take care of yourself. Engel explains that women today simply cannot afford to be Nice Girls, because women who are too nice send the message that they are easy targets and are much more likely to be victimized emotionally, physically, and sexually. She identifies the seven different types of Nice Girls and helps you understand which type or types might apply to you. Engel helps you determine whether the Nice Girl Syndrome is keeping you in an abusive relationship or in manipulative situations and helps you change Nice Girl beliefs and behaviors that are holding you back. Shows you how to confront the beliefs and behaviors that keep you stuck in a Nice Girl act as you replace them with healthier, more empowering ones Includes inspiring stories of women Engel has worked with who have found the courage and strength to stop taking abuse and start standing up for themselves "This book will challenge, entertain, and empower its readers."--Publishers Weekly (starred review) Written by renowned author and therapist Beverly Engel, who has helped thousands of women recognize and leave emotionally abusive relationships Filled with wise advice, powerful exercises, and practical prescriptions, The Nice Girl Syndrome shows you step by step how to take control of your life and be your own strong woman.

Before you were told to "Lean In," Dr. Lois Frankel told you how to get that corner office. The New York Times bestseller, is now completely revised and updated. In this edition, internationally recognized executive coach Lois P. Frankel reveals a distinctive set of behaviors--over 130 in all--that women learn in girlhood that ultimately sabotage them as adults. She teaches you how to eliminate these unconscious mistakes that could be holding you back and offers invaluable coaching tips that can easily be incorporated into your social and business skills. Stop making "nice girl" errors that can become career pitfalls, such as: Mistake #13: Avoiding office politics. If you don't play the game, you can't possibly win. Mistake #21: Multi-tasking. Just because you can do something, doesn't mean you should do it. Mistake #54: Failure to negotiate. Don't equate negotiation with confrontation. Mistake #70: Inappropriate use of social media. Once it's out there, it's hard to put the toothpaste back in the tube. Mistake #82: Asking permission. Children, not adults, ask for approval. Be direct, be confident.

Offering the same brand of practical, no-holds-barred, expert advice that made Nice Girls Don't Get the Corner Office an international million-copy bestseller, Nice Girls Just Don't Get It teaches us the skills we need to turn from a nice girl into a winning woman, not just in our careers but in our relationships, families, and everyday lives. Have you ever felt invisible? Taken advantage of? Reluctant (or unable) to articulate what you really want? If so, join the club. The nice girls club. Nice girls—that's right, girls—are those more concerned with pleasing others than with addressing their own needs and haven't yet learned how to overcome the childhood messages cultural stereotypes keeping them from getting their voices heard, their needs met, and the lives they want. This book will turn those nice girls into winning women. That is, women who factor their own needs in with those of others, confront those who treat them disrespectfully, maintain healthy and mutually beneficial relationships with appropriate boundaries— and as a result, are happier and more successful in every area of their life. In 2004, Lois Frankel blew the lid off so many of our long-held ideas about gender and success with her bestselling Nice Girls Don't Get the Corner Office, which went on to become such a huge phenomenon, the term "nice girls" has secured a place in our cultural lexicon. Here, Frankel teams up with negotiation expert Carol Frohlinger to bring this bestselling advice out of the workplace and provide a broader set of skills that any woman—whether a CEO or stay-at-home mom—can use to win anywhere, with anyone. Presented in the straightforward, digestible format that helped make Nice Girl's Don't Get the Corner Office an instant hit, Frankel and Frohlinger outline seven practical strategies and 99 supporting tactics that every winning woman should know. By the time you've finished reading this book, you'll be able to: • Get your husband to do his half of the household chores—without being made to feel like a nag. • Stop overextending yourself by taking on all the unpleasant tasks no one on your volunteer board, or your team at work will go near. • Win an argument with your mother in law about who will be hosting Christmas dinner. • Have the courage to send back a meal that isn’t prepared the way you’d ordered it. • Confront a colleague who is shirking responsibility or taking credit for your work. • Convince a sales person to reduce a fee, waive a surcharge, or honor a store credit. • Question a doctor’s course or treatment or request a second opinion, instead of simply going along in order to be a “good” patient. • Firmly but politely bow out of an extravagant vacation to celebrate a friend’s birthday that you simply can’t afford–without feeling guilty about it. And so much more. A must-read for anyone who's ever felt taken advantage of by a friend or family member, unappreciated by a spouse or partner, or exploited by a vindictive neighbor or co-worker, Nice Girls Just Don't Get It offers women the indispensable knowledge and skills to get the things they want, the respect they've earned, and the success they deserve. From the Hardcover edition.

One of the New York Post's Top 10 Career Books of 2012 and a Booklist Top 10 Business Book DO YOU WORK WITH A MEAN GIRL? A woman’s field guide to the new frontier of professional development—working with other women Women-to-women relationships in the workplace are . . . complicated. When they’re good, they’re great. But when they’re bad, they can ruin your day, your week—even your year. Packed with proven advice from two of today’s leading experts in workplace relationships, this one-of-a-kind guide gives women the tools they need to navigate difficult situations unique to women-to-women relationships—whether with a boss, a colleague, a client, or an employee. Have you dealt with a woman in the workplace who: “Accidentally” excludes you from important meetings? Seems intent on taking you down professionally? Gossips about you with other coworkers? Makes you look bad by missing deadlines? Forms a “pack” of mean girls to make your life miserable? Mean Girls at Work isn’t just about surviving difficult situations. It’s about transforming a toxic relationship into one that benefits and supports both of you. This book is also for women who engage in mean behavior . . . but don’t know it. After all, who hasn’t gossiped about a female coworker? Who hasn’t rolled her eyes in the presence of a woman she doesn’t like? Who hasn’t scanned another woman head to toe—which is just a nonverbal way of saying, “You’ve just been judged”? The authors provide invaluable advice to the more subtle ways of being mean—even if they’re not intended. With a workforce composed of a higher percentage of women than ever, workplace dynamics have changed. Crowley and Elster cover every conceivable scenario, providing critical advice on how to rise above the fray and move forward professionally. Mean Girls at Work is your map to dodging the mines and moving forward in today’s transformed workplace. Praise for Mean Girls at Work “An invaluable suit of armor for surviving nine to five!” —Leil Lowndes, bestselling author of How to Talk to Anyone “If you think the emotional cruelty of comedies like Mean Girls and Heathers doesn’t exist in the real world workplace, think again. In Mean Girls at Work, Katherine Crowley and Kathi Elster valuably chronicle female vs. female predators and offer solid defensive strategies.” —Ann Kreamer, author of It’s Always Personal: Navigating Emotion in the New Workplace “Whether you are in your twenties and just starting your professional career, your midcareer forties, when you are supposed to have figured it out already, or a woman in her fifties or sixties who’s seen it all—this book is a must-read. . . . The authors have finally given women the tools and the sound advice necessary to deal with . . . conflicts that keep us all from succeeding. . . . Carry this book with you to work every day!” —Carolyn Cassin, President, Michigan Women’s Foundation “A must-read for women of all ages in today’s workforce. This book offers what we all need to develop the capacities to endure this ever-changing workplace. We know it is all about relationships and you need the skills outlined in this book to survive and thrive when the Mean Girls attack.” —Kim Harrington, Coordinator, Professional Development and Training, Office of Human Resources, California State University, Sacramento

Shame is one of the most destructive of human emotions. If you suffered childhood physical or sexual abuse, you may experience such intense feelings of shame that it almost seems to define you as a person. In order to begin healing, it’s important for you to know that it wasn’t your fault. In this gentle guide, therapist and childhood abuse expert Beverly Engel presents a mindfulness and compassion-based therapeutic approach to help you overcome the debilitating shame that keeps you tied to the past. By following the step-by-step exercises in this book, you’ll gain a greater understanding of the root cause of your shame. And by cultivating compassion toward yourself, you will begin to heal and move past your painful experiences. Recent studies show that trauma survivors, particularly those with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) resulting from abuse, can greatly benefit from incorporating elements of self-compassion into their treatment. Furthermore, the practice of self-compassion has been shown to decrease PTSD symptoms, including, self-criticism, thought suppression, and rumination. This book is based on the author’s powerful and effective Compassion Cure program. With this book, you will develop the skills needed to finally put a stop the crippling self-blame that keeps you from moving on and being happy. You’ll learn to focus on your strengths, your courage, and your extraordinary ability to survive. Most of all, you’ll learn to replace shame with its counter emotion—pride.

In spite of the #MeToo and #TimesUp movements, many women are still afraid to say no to unwanted sexual advances and reluctant to report sexual violations. Far too many college students are being raped and are afraid to report it. Women are subjected to sexual harassment, sexual bullying, and sexual pressure every day on the street, at work, and at home but are unable to speak truth to power or to report these sexual offenses. I’m Saying No! is written specifically for these women—women who are still afraid to speak up for themselves, women who need to learn how to do so, and women whose personal history of child sexual abuse or sexual assault as an adult has wounded them so much that they have lost their voice. Here, Beverly Engel—an internationally recognized psychotherapist and acclaimed advocate for victims of sexual, physical, and emotional abuse—offers a ground-breaking program to help all the women who have been silenced by past trauma, women who were raised to believe they didn’t have a right to say no, and women who have spoken out in the past only to go unheard. Bold and timely, I’m Saying No! offers women the encouragement, support, and guidelines they need in order to become the powerful women they are—women who believe in themselves and stand up for themselves.

Originally published as an e-book that became a controversial media phenomenon, No More Mr. Nice Guy! landed its author, a certified marriage and family therapist, on The O'Reilly Factor and the Rush Limbaugh radio show. Dr. Robert Glover has dubbed the "Nice Guy Syndrome" trying too hard to please others while neglecting one's own needs, thus causing unhappiness and resentfulness. It's no wonder that unfulfilled Nice Guys lash out in frustration at their loved ones, claims Dr. Glover. He explains how they can stop seeking approval and start getting what they want in life, by presenting the information and tools to help them ensure their needs are met, to express their emotions, to have a satisfying sex life, to embrace their masculinity and form meaningful relationships with other men, and to live up to their creative potential.

My need to be accepted was reaping havoc on my self-worth. My fear of rejection caused me to attract toxic relationships. I often overcompensated to please the people in my life, even my children. Although I was talented and creative, I would take the back seat to my dreams while supporting everyone else's. It wasn't until I came face to face with death, that I realized that I was merely existing. Enough was enough! I vowed to God, if he offered me a second chance, I would in return "Woman Up" and start living my life unapologetically. God granted my request, and my life began to change. Little did I know that permitting myself to live authentically would give me the confidence to pursue my dreams. I pissed off a few people who were used to me being the "yes" woman and for the first time in my life, I could have cared less. I did, however, have to confront and resolve some issues in my past., At times the process was painful, but it is paying off, and as a result, I am living my life unapologetically." Woman Up" is designed to empower women who have developed the disease to please, to identify and address the unresolved issues that contribute their need to be accepted so that they too can live unapologetically authentic lives.