The Self Motivated Kid

“Instead of trusting kids with choices . . . many parents insist on micromanaging everything from homework to friendships. For these parents, Stixrud and Johnson have a simple message: Stop.” —NPR “This humane, thoughtful book turns the latest brain science into valuable practical advice for parents.” —Paul Tough, New York Times bestselling author of How Children Succeed A few years ago, Bill Stixrud and Ned Johnson started noticing the same problem from different angles: Even high-performing kids were coming to them acutely stressed and lacking motivation. Many complained they had no control over their lives. Some stumbled in high school or hit college and unraveled. Bill is a clinical neuropsychologist who helps kids gripped by anxiety or struggling to learn. Ned is a motivational coach who runs an elite tutoring service. Together they discovered that the best antidote to stress is to give kids more of a sense of control over their lives. But this doesn't mean giving up your authority as a parent. In this groundbreaking book they reveal how you can actively help your child to sculpt a brain that is resilient, and ready to take on new challenges. The Self-Driven Child offers a combination of cutting-edge brain science, the latest discoveries in behavioral therapy, and case studies drawn from the thousands of kids and teens Bill and Ned have helped over the years to teach you how to set your child on the real road to success. As parents, we can only drive our kids so far. At some point, they will have to take the wheel and map out their own path. But there is a lot you can do before then to help them tackle the road ahead with resilience and imagination.

Winner of the 2015 USA Book News International Book Award for Parenting and Family In this inspiring book, Dr. Shimi Kang, a Harvard-trained child and adult psychiatrist and an expert in human motivation, provides a guide to the art and science of encouraging children to develop their own internal drive and a lifelong love of learning. Drawing on the latest neuroscience and behavioral research, Dr. Kang shows why pushy, hovering "tiger parents" and permissive "jellyfish parents" actually hinder self-motivation. She proposes a powerful new parenting model: the intelligent, joyful, highly social dolphin. Dolphin parents focus on maintaining balance in their children's lives to compassionately yet authoritatively guide them toward lasting health, happiness, and success. The mother of three children and the daughter of immigrant parents who struggled to give their children the "best" in life—Dr. Kang's mother could not read, her father taught her math while they drove around in his taxicab, and she was never enrolled in a single extracurricular activity—Dr. Kang argues that often the simplest "benefits" parents give their children are the most valuable. Combining irrefutable science with unforgettable real-life stories, The Self-Motivated Kid walks readers through Dr. Kang's four-part method for cultivating self-motivation. She argues that by trusting our deepest intuition about what is best for our kids, we will allow them to develop key traits—adaptability, community-mindedness, creativity, and critical thinking—to empower them to succeed and thrive in our increasingly competitive and complex world.

In this inspiring book, Harvard-trained child and adult psychiatrist and expert in human motivation Dr. Shimi Kang provides a guide to the art and science of inspiring children to develop their own internal drive and a lifelong love of learning. Drawing on the latest neuroscience and behavioral research, Dr. Kang shows why pushy “tiger parents” and permissive “jellyfish parents” actually hinder self-motivation. She proposes a powerful new parenting model: the intelligent, joyful, playful, highly social dolphin. Dolphin parents focus on maintaining balance in their children’s lives to gently yet authoritatively guide them toward lasting health, happiness, and success. As the medical director for Child and Youth Mental Health community programs in Vancouver, British Columbia, Dr. Kang has witnessed firsthand the consequences of parental pressure: anxiety disorders, high stress levels, suicides, and addictions. As the mother of three children and as the daughter of immigrant parents who struggled to give their children the “best” in life—Dr. Kang’s mother could not read and her father taught her math while they drove around in his taxicab—Dr. Kang argues that often the simplest “benefits” we give our children are the most valuable. By trusting our deepest intuitions about what is best for our kids, we will in turn allow them to develop key dolphin traits to enable them to thrive in an increasingly complex world: adaptability, community-mindedness, creativity, and critical thinking. Life is a journey through ever-changing waters, and dolphin parents know that the most valuable help we can give our children is to assist them in developing their own inner compass. Combining irrefutable science with unforgettable real-life stories, The Dolphin Way walks readers through Dr. Kang’s four-part method for cultivating self-motivation. The book makes a powerful case that we are not forced to choose between being permissive or controlling. The third option—the option that will prepare our kids for success in a future that will require adaptability—is the dolphin way.

A guide to effectively communicating with teenagers by the bestselling authors of The Self-Driven Child If you're a parent, you've had a moment--maybe many of them--when you've thought, "How did that conversation go so badly?" At some point after the sixth grade, the same kid who asked "why" non-stop at age four suddenly stops talking to you. And the conversations that you wish you could have--ones fueled by your desire to see your kid not just safe and healthy, but passionately engaged--suddenly feel nearly impossible to execute. The good news is that effective communication can be cultivated, learned, and taught. And as you get better at this, so will your kids. William Stixrud, Ph.D., and Ned Johnson have 60 years combined experience talking to kids one-on-one, and the most common question they get when out speaking to parents and educators is: What do you say? While many adults understand the importance and power of the philosophies behind the books that dominate the parenting bestseller list, parents are often left wondering how to put those concepts into action. In What Do You Say?, Johnson and Stixrud show how to engage in respectful and effective dialogue, beginning with defining and demonstrating the basic principles of listening and speaking. Then they show new ways to handle specific, thorny topics of the sort that usually end in parent/kid standoffs: delivering constructive feedback to kids; discussing boundaries around technology; explaining sleep and their brains; the anxiety of current events; and family problem-solving. What Do You Say? is a manual and map that will immediately transform parents' ability to navigate complex terrain and train their minds and hearts to communicate ever more successfully.

A Harvard-trained psychiatrist and mom of three gives parents and educators the tech habits children need to achieve their full potential--and a six-step plan to put them into action. You may have picked up on some warning signs: The more your nine-year-old son plays video games, the more distracted and irritable he becomes. Or maybe comparing her life to others on social media is leaving your teenaged daughter feeling down. Then there are the questions that are always looming: Should I limit screen time? Should I give my eleven-year-old an iPhone? The Tech Solution is a to-the-point resource for parents and educators who want the best approach for raising kids in our digital world. It outlines all you need to know about the short-term and potential long-term consequences of tech use. It also offers practical advice for tackling specific concerns in the classroom or at home, whether it's possible tech addiction, anxiety, cyberbullying, or loneliness. With her six-step plan for rebalancing your family's tech diet, Dr. Kang will help your child build healthy habits and make smart choices to maximize the benefits of tech and minimize its risks.

Frustrated with your kids' lack of motivation? Tired of nagging? Want to motivate your children without using force? Motivating Kids is the book for you! This is the ultimate comprehensive guide to motivating kids that will teach you the science of motivation: the Why, the What, and most importantly, the How to motivate your kids. The practical tips work just as effectively, and just as easily, on toddler and on teenagers. We all know that motivated kids can do everything. Even more than their knowledge, their academic achievements, their skills and abilities, their drive and motivation will determine their success in life. Motivation is like a battery that keeps people going. The fuller the battery is, the further we can go. Motivation is what makes your child get up in the morning, eat, take care of him/herself, learn, try new things and experience the world to the fullest. It is like the fuel that keeps them going and, as a parent you want them to go far. If you want to make sure your kids will go far, into every destination in life, you want to make sure their motivation battery is full. Motivating Kids is your ultimate guide to motivating your kids to be the best they can be. About 300 pages of practical ways to fill up the battery and fuel up their life, 211 quotes to inspire you and your kid to do amazing things and be the best you can be: best parent, best child. In 18 chapters, this ultimate guide gives you 303 practical tips that can change your parenting and help you become a role model for your child. This parenting course has 28 exercises that will lead you to it, gradually and with confidence and save you wondering the "how to" of motivation. This book, which is a summary of 17 parenting sessions, includes new research and statistics that will reveal the science of motivation and save you sitting through courses, classes and hundreds of books.

As I begin to write this Preface, I feel a rush of excitement. I have now finished the book; my gestalt is coming into completion. Throughout the months that I have been writing this, I have, indeed, been intrinsically motivated. Now that it is finished I feel quite competent and self-determining (see Chapter 2). Whether or not those who read the book will perceive me that way is also a concern of mine (an extrinsic one), but it is a wholly separate issue from the intrinsic rewards I have been experiencing. This book presents a theoretical perspective. It reviews an enormous amount of research which establishes unequivocally that intrinsic motivation exists. Also considered herein are various approaches to the conceptualizing of intrinsic motivation. The book concentrates on the approach which has developed out of the work of Robert White (1959), namely, that intrinsically motivated behaviors are ones which a person engages in so that he may feel competent and self-determining in relation to his environment. The book then considers the development of intrinsic motiva tion, how behaviors are motivated intrinsically, how they relate to and how intrinsic motivation is extrinsically motivated behaviors, affected by extrinsic rewards and controls. It also considers how changes in intrinsic motivation relate to changes in attitudes, how people attribute motivation to each other, how the attribution process is motivated, and how the process of perceiving motivation (and other internal states) in oneself relates to perceiving them in others.

"First published in the United Kingdom in 1998 by Vermilion, an imprint of Ebury Press"--T.p. verso.