The State Of Affairs

"A fresh look at infidelity, broadening the focus from the havoc it wreaks within a committed relationship to consider also why people do it, what it means to them, and why breaking up is the expected response to duplicity — but not necessarily the wisest one.” — LA Review of Books From iconic couples’ therapist and bestselling author of Mating in Captivity comes a provocative and controversial look at infidelity with practical, honest, and empathetic advice for how to move beyond it. An affair: it can rob a couple of their relationship, their happiness, their very identity. And yet, this extremely common human experience is so poorly understood. What are we to make of this time-honored taboo—universally forbidden yet universally practiced? Why do people cheat—even those in happy marriages? Why does an affair hurt so much? When we say infidelity, what exactly do we mean? Do our romantic expectations of marriage set us up for betrayal? Is there such a thing as an affair-proof marriage? Is it possible to love more than one person at once? Can an affair ever help a marriage? Perel weaves real-life case stories with incisive psychological and cultural analysis in this fast-paced and compelling book. For the past ten years, Perel has traveled the globe and worked with hundreds of couples who have grappled with infidelity. Betrayal hurts, she writes, but it can be healed. An affair can even be the doorway to a new marriage—with the same person. With the right approach, couples can grow and learn from these tumultuous experiences, together or apart. Affairs, she argues, have a lot to teach us about modern relationships—what we expect, what we think we want, and what we feel entitled to. They offer a unique window into our personal and cultural attitudes about love, lust, and commitment. Through examining illicit love from multiple angles, Perel invites readers into an honest, enlightened, and entertaining exploration of modern marriage in its many variations. Fiercely intelligent, The State of Affairs provides a daring framework for understanding the intricacies of love and desire. As Perel observes, “Love is messy; infidelity more so. But it is also a window, like no other, into the crevices of the human heart.”

This volume brings together contributions on the study of sexual affairs in committed personal relationships. The editors enlisted colleagues with varied theoretical and methodological perspectives from Britain, the United States, and other countries. Together, their contributions provide a broad, cross-national perspective on affairs. Grounded in theoretical discussion, the chapters in this book introduce data collected by a broad range of methods, including attitude surveys, large statistical cohort studies, case studies, depth interviews, and group discussions. A number of contributors locate the theoretical discussion of affairs within the broader contemporary ordering of committed relationships, contrasting the liberating and empowering aspects of affairs with the damage they may inflict on society as a whole and on the lives of individuals and families. The themes of passion, transgression, secrecy, lies, betrayal, and gossip are common to a range of chapters throughout. The volume provides broad literature reviews and theoretical discussions concerning particular aspects of affairs, such as communication and jealousy. In addition, case studies are used for the more detailed exploration of heterosexual affairs and contemporary developments in gay male and lesbian relationships. The State of Affairs will be of interest to researchers, scholars, and students in social psychology; communication; sociology; family, social, and clinical psychology; and for practitioners in couple counseling.

The phone call that changed their lives forever… Minutes after Vice President Nick Cappuano and Lt. Sam Holland get the call that President Nelson has been found dead in the residence on Thanksgiving, they’re still processing that Nick has been asked to come to the White House to take the oath of office. As they go through the motions to ensure a peaceful transition of power, Sam has a million and one concerns about her husband, her family, the Nelson family, the country and the enormity of what Nick is about to take on. In the back of her mind is another major concern: What does this mean for my job? No other first lady in history has held a job outside the White House, but she’s determined to be the first, to blaze new trails for those who will follow her. However, in order to do that, she quickly realizes that compromises will have to be made to continue working as a Homicide detective. Their lives become an immediate firestorm of meetings, requests for interviews, difficult questions from their children and a host of potential landmines to navigate as they make the transition from second family to first family. An unexpected issue with a diplomatic trip to Iran quickly thrusts Nick into the thick of his new responsibilities while Sam confronts a murder investigation that may have ties to a cold case from fifteen years ago. As everything around them spins out of control, Sam and Nick take refuge with each other, relying on their unbreakable bond to see them through the storm.

The classic guide to love, sex, and intimacy beyond the limits of conventional monogamy has been fully updated to reflect today’s modern attitudes and the latest information on nontraditional relationships. “One of the most useful relationship books you could ever read, no matter what your lifestyle choices. It’s chock-full of great information about communication, jealousy, asking for what you want, and maintaining a relationship with integrity.”—Annie Sprinkle, PhD, sexologist and author of Dr. Sprinkle’s Spectacular Sex For 20 years The Ethical Slut—widely known as the “Poly Bible”—has dispelled myths and showed curious readers how to maintain a successful polyamorous lifestyle through open communication, emotional honesty, and safer sex practices. The third edition of this timeless guide to the ethics of relationships, communication, and sex has been revised to include: • Interviews with poly millennials (young people who have grown up without the prejudices their elders encountered regarding gender, orientation, sexuality, and relationships) • Tributes to polyamory pioneers • Tools for conflict resolution and instructions on how to improve interpersonal dynamics • New sidebars on topics such as asexuality, sex workers, LGBTQ terminology, and ways polys can connect and thrive The authors also include new content addressing nontraditional relationships beyond the polyamorous paradigm of “more than two”: couples who don't live together, couples who don't have sex with each other, nonparallel arrangements, couples with widely divergent sex styles, power disparities, and cross-orientation relationships, while utilizing nonbinary gender language and new terms that have come into common usage since the last edition.

Offers a comprehensive system of analytical metaphysics, argued from a distinctive philosophical perspective.

A world-renowned therapist, Mira Kirshenbaum has treated thousands of men and women caught in the powerful drama over what to do when an affair reaches into their emotional lives. Now, in When Good People Have Affairs, Kirshenbaum puts her unsurpassed experience into one clear, calming place. She gives readers everything they need to cut through the thickets of fear, hurt and confusion to find their ways to happier, more solid relationships with the person who's right for them. For example, Kirshenbaum identifies seventeen types of affairs, helping readers figure out which type they're in and what it means. Is it a: --"See-if" affair? --Ejector-seat affair? --Distraction affair? --Unmet-needs affair? --Panic affair? Kirshenbaum encourages honest answers to such questions as: --What am I missing in my marriage? --How do I decide between two people when it's like comparing an apple to an orange? --How do I decide to end my marriage, end my affair, or end them both? She leads readers through six easy-to-navigate steps that will take anyone from anxiety to clarity. When Good People Have Affairs will be a lifeline to any man or woman who feels caught between two lovers, and its insights are indispensable to anyone else touched by an affair.

"Little compares to the devastation people feel upon discovering their spouse has been unfaithful. Shocked, devastated and overwhelmed, couples often hit stalemates as they struggle to get past intense emotional pain, mistrust, resentment and never-ending arguments about the betrayal. Based on over three decades of experience helping couples recover from betrayal and save their marriages, Weiner-Davis offers a step-by-step program to help readers: - Deal with traumatic feelings after the discovery - Respond to questions about the affair - Talk about intense emotions without arguing - End the affair - Offer apologies that are sincere and healing - Overcome flashbacks and painful memories - Rebuild trust and accountability - Make their marriage stronger than before the affair - Find forgiveness - Reconnect sexually This book is filled with case vignettes of couples whose lives were shattered by betrayal but have eventually recovered and thrived."--Publisher's description.