This Mom Needs A Mother Fucking Drink

#1 GIFT FOR POLICE We respect and appreciate our police. What better way to show appreciation than the gift of laughter and relaxation? Discover the hottest trend with this best-selling title. You can actually give a gift that is fun and will be appreciated! This irreverent and sweary coloring book features laugh-out-loud funny and original designs that are perfect for taking the stress out of whatever life throws at any member of the police force. Provides HOURS of coloring FUN, at home, at work, or when trying not to swear out loud(!). FEATURES: 50 High Quality Original Coloring Pages 100 Pages, High Quality Paper Large Page size 8.5x11 Inches for easy use. Great for a holiday gift, birthday present, retirement gift, or gift exchange! Order now for a gift that will be appreciated: )

Need a funny gift that is actually fun and relaxing? Discover the hottest trend with this best-selling title. This irreverent and sweary coloring book features laugh-out-loud funny and original designs that are perfect for taking the stress out of work and all the other stuff life can throw at a person. Provides HOURS of coloring FUN, at home, in the car, or when trying not to swear out loud(!). Makes the perfect gift for holidays and birthdays. FEATURES: 45+ High Quality Original Coloring Pages 100 Pages, High Quality Paper Great for pens, markers, watercolor, colored pencils, etc. Large Page size 8.5x11 Inches for easy use. A seriously hilarious gift for yourself or anyone who needs to let off steam. Get on board the latest trend and start coloring today!

If you feel like your kids are killing you, you’ve come to the right place. This irreverant, hilarious guide to the trials of motherhood makes the perfect gift for mom—or any woman with a huge heart and a mouth that sometimes needs washing out with soap. Attention all potty-mouthed, cheap-wine-drinking mothers: Prepare to meet your match. Any bad thought you’ve had about your kids, Nicole Knepper has had worse. Much worse. It’s not that she doesn’t love her kids. It’s that she understands what a mind-f*?% it can be to try to civilize those wild little beasts. Based on her hugely popular Facebook page, “Moms Who Drink and Swear,” this book reveals why family dinners are like herpes, how to avoid smashing toys that are being fought over, and the joy of hearing that your son has murdered his imaginary friend. As Nicole rants and raves about caring for children (without crushing their souls), family togetherness (without too many tears), the saving grace of girlfriends (and vodka), and love and marriage (and all the baggage that goes with them), she gets to the heart of what every exasperated mom is thinking, just much funnier.

Pull Mommy back from the edge with this irreverent adult coloring book! MOMMY DRINKS BECAUSE YOU CRY is the adult coloring book for the delightfully impolite. For the rare moments you have to yourself, enjoy the calming act of coloring with a little dose of sass. This collection of beautiful designs and fun illustrations are paired with the very best of all our worst thoughts, from “I child-proofed my house, but they still get in,” to “Home is where the vodka is.” Each hilariously captioned design is printed on sturdy, tear-out pages perfect for amusing decoration or passive-aggressive gift-giving. When you want to unwind with coloring but aren’t in the mood to embrace sunshine and daisies, MOMMY DRINKS BECAUSE YOU CRY is the perfect adult coloring book to let you speak your native sarcasm!

Three years after giving up drink, Jowita Bydlowska found herself throwing back a glass of champagne like it was ginger ale. "It's a special occasion," she said to her boyfriend. And indeed it was. It was a party celebrating the birth of their first child. It also marked Jowita's immediate, full-blown return to alcoholism and all that entails for a new mother who is at first determined to keep her problem a secret. Her trips to liquor stores are in-and-out missions. Perhaps she's being paranoid, but she thinks people tend to notice the stroller. Walking home, she stays behind buildings, in alleyways, taking discreet sips from a bottle she's stored in the diaper bag. She know she's become a villain: a mother who drinks; a mother who endangers her child. She drinks to forget this. And then the trouble really starts. Jowita Bydlowska's memoir of her relapse into addiction is an extraordinary achievement. The writing is raw and immediate. It places you in the moment--saddened, appalled, nerve-wracked, but never able to look away or stop turning the pages. With brutal honesty, Bydlowska takes us through the binges and blackouts, the self-deception and less successful attempts to deceive others, the humiliations and extraordinary risk-taking. She shines a light on the endless hunger of wanting just one more drink, and one more again, while dealing with motherhood, anxiety, depression--and rehab. Her struggle to regain her sobriety is recorded in the same unsentimental, unsparing, sometimes grimly comic way. But the happy outcome is evidenced by the existence of this brilliant book: she has lived to tell the tale.

For young single women, every night is Ladies' Night. For Brett Paesel and her friends, Friday happy hour is all they get--if they can wrangle a babysitter. Like most mommies, they support each other through pregnancies, sleep deprivation, and the need to talk about it all. Instead of meeting at the playground, they convene at the local watering hole while sipping Black and Tans and flirting with the cute bartender. With a poignant voice and a fresh style that makes this memoir read like the best women's fiction, Paesel navigates mommyhood in all its forms--the ecstatic, the terrifying, the tedious, the hilarious, the transcendental, and the sticky. Paesel's laugh-out-loud perspective will appeal to all women who are braving the new world of motherhood, where the secret question on their minds at playgroup is "When is it too early in the day to start drinking?"

In this book, the author writes about his ground-breaking and revolutionary idea about milk, or his ‘milk theory’, which explains in a logical and convincing manner why he does not drink milk, or why he thinks milk is not to be consumed by grownups. After hearing his talks, many people have given up milk completely. A few excerpts from his milk theory are: The way milk is made by a mother’s body clearly shows it is meant for her new born baby only; and the drying up of milk flow in a mother’s body soon after weaning the baby is further proof of this fact. After the weaning is done, no mammal ever drinks mother’s milk or others’ milk again throughout life. Other mammals know by instinct when they are to drink milk, and when they are not to drink milk. They know through instinct what is food for them, and what is not; and that what is not food for them, is not good for them. All mammal babies lose their ability to digest milk soon after the weaning is done - due to the drying up of lactase enzyme in their stomach - and all of them know this fact by instinct. This is the reason they never go back to drinking milk. Since there is undisputed logic and wisdom in creation, there is no reason why a grownup mammal would need milk at all. This can be seen from examples of wildlife, which are stronger and healthier than man, even without ever consuming any milk after being weaned. Animal instinct is God’s silent voice, through which He guides all his sentient creations and this instinct never goes wrong. "Milk is the biggest myth of the present millennium," says the author. "Milk is not merely food, but mother and child reunion, and a there is no room for a third party in this union," says the author. "As per the scheme of creation, a lactating mother produces only that much of milk required for feeding her own babies. It is morally and ethically wrong to take away that milk for the consumption of grownups who don't even need it" says the author.

A wickedly funny look at the challenges of new parenthood. With cocktail recipes. Being a new mom is “AHHHH! WHAT HAVE I DONE?” hard. Why are all these tiny clothes so expensive? Who wrote these mind-numbing board books? Will Mommy ever carry a purse again that’s not a diaper bag? And how is she even functioning off so little sleep? Reasons Mommy Drinks is a fresh, insightful, and hilarious collection of the various struggles faced by new parents—from mommy groups and single-people envy to the end of maternity leave—with a well-deserved cocktail recipe to go with each one. This must-have resource will help sleep-deprived new moms survive the baby years with their sense of humor, if not their lives as they once knew them, intact.