Addicted To Foo Foos A Beach Slapped Humor Collection 2009

Coming to grips with a life-long addiction to brightly colored drinks with umbrellas is just one of the things Amazon.com best-selling author Barton Grover Howe addresses in his latest compilation of newspaper humor columns. Among the highlights: advice to Madison Avenue on how to reach men (“Remember: we're the kind of people that buy Colt 40 Malt Liquor because it's huge and we can use the bottles in a water fight when we run out of balloons.”); pondering about how Madison Avenue chooses to reach women (“There are a LOT of women's hygiene products, most of them being disposable. Which begs the question: Why not label all of them that way? I can't imagine anyone buys these things as a souvenir.”); and observations on all of humanity's attempts to figure out what's going on in his bedroom. (“Trying to get pregnant seems to be EVERYBODY's business, as if, somehow, the entire future of the human race is riding on my wife and I repopulating the species. It's like I'm in a terrible Bruce Willis movie set in 2057. Or Brigham Young's house in 1857.”)So, head to the beaches of the Pacific Northwest one more time as Barton uses his unique perspective on just about everything to comment on life, the universe and gender things — and get “Beach Slapped” all over again.

A sea lion getting randy with a marine biologist off the coast of Surfland, Oregon, marks only the beginning of Jackson Poe’s strangest week ever. Teaming up with a nudist mascot with a penchant for cooking seafood in exploding butter, Poe takes a break from his freelance writing non-career to find out why a ruthless developer seems hell-bent on making crossing the street unsafe for little old ladies. Following leads throughout the byzantine streets of Surfland, with the top down on his convertible rain or shine, Poe finally puts it all on the line to solve the mystery as everyone in town buckles up or dives for cover. BEACH SLAPPED: It’s wild and weird insanity on America’s wettest edge, where the only thing crazier than the people is the truth. “Move over Carl Hiassen, Tim Dorsey, Steve Berry and all the other Florida humor satire writers. A new voice and a very accomplished one I predict will be around for a long time, Howe does for the Oregon Coast what Hiaasen and the others have done for Florida.” —Sheldon McArthur, North by Northwest Books

When Oregon’s most famous weatherman comes to Surfland, Oregon, in the world’s most expensive RV to meet America’s most famous whale, Jackson Poe knows his ability to find a parking space is pretty much shot to hell. But when a psychotic driver perpetually double-parked in an erogenous zone begins stalking one of Poe’s oldest friends, Poe once again throws down his laptop and dives into his latest mystery. Who wants to kill “Stormy” Steele? And why does Stormy’s boss seem so intent on letting them do it? In Poe’s biggest adventure yet, he searches for the answers—along with a science teacher with a MacGod complex, a drag queen with a fluctuating number of breasts and a vomiting dog—and discovers that, once again, life is a TOTAL BEACH. “Oregon’s answer to Carl Hiaasen and Dave Barry.” —Sheldon McArthur, North by Northwest Books “Move over Carl Hiassen, Tim Dorsey, Steve Berry and all the other Florida humor satire writers. A new voice and a very accomplished one I predict will be around for a long time, Howe does for the Oregon Coast what Hiaasen and the others have done for Florida.” —Sheldon McArthur, North by Northwest Books, on Beach Slapped “A non-stop laugh you cannot put down.” —Sheldon McArthur, North by Northwest Books, on The Beach is Back

What begins as a morning of non-compensating for Surfland, Oregon’s Jackson Poe ends with a hyper-carnivorous eagle, a non-flying parrot and a mystery for Poe: Why are the coast’s birds of prey suddenly making snacks of Surfland’s pets? Following the trail from the beach to a daycare center for the perpetually hyper, Poe finds the truth: A perverter of the wild kingdom, whose need for greed is mutual with anyone willing to pay. So, Poe works with a beautiful marine biologist and a not-so-beautiful guy named ScubaPoop, to set a trap. But when everything goes wrong, and even the normally unflappable Jackson Poe seems to have gone off the deep-end, it looks like it just might be PARROT EYES LOST. “I giggled my way from on end of this short book all the way to the other. ... Love it.” —Ionia Martin, Amazon Top 500 Reviewer “Oregon’s answer to Carl Hiaasen and Dave Barry.” —Sheldon McArthur, North by Northwest Books “Move over Carl Hiassen, Tim Dorsey, Steve Berry and all the other Florida humor satire writers. A new voice and a very accomplished one I predict will be around for a long time, Howe does for the Oregon Coast what Hiaasen and the others have done for Florida.” —Sheldon McArthur, North by Northwest Books, on Beach Slapped “A non-stop laugh you cannot put down.” —Sheldon McArthur, North by Northwest Books, on The Beach is Back

When the residents of recently downtrodden and always sodden Surfland, Oregon, gather for the annual Christmas festival, every kid in town shows up, many waiting for the only gift they’ll get this season. It’s been a rough year in town—and it’s about to get rougher. The gifts have disappeared, the tree tilts at a dangerous angle, and as a restaurant full of diners with crab mallets gets angrier and angrier, Sandy Claws, the town mascot, fears he’s about to get whacked. Once again, the town counts on Jackson Poe to save the sleigh. Volunteering to get the gifts, he ends up alone in the dark with a gorgeous supermodel. Trapped on the side of the road with her and a dog whose behind is perpetually at half-staff, Poe and Christmas are running out of time. In Jackson Poe’s first family-friendly adventure, the message is sweeter, but the humor and mystery are still killer: How can a truckload of toilets save the town from a SANDY CLAWS SLAY? “I giggled my way from on end of this short book all the way to the other. ... Love it.” —Ionia Martin, Amazon Top 500 Reviewer, on Parrot Eyes Lost “Oregon’s answer to Carl Hiaasen and Dave Barry.” —Sheldon McArthur, North by Northwest Books “Move over Carl Hiassen, Tim Dorsey, Steve Berry and all the other Florida humor satire writers. A new voice and a very accomplished one I predict will be around for a long time, Howe does for the Oregon Coast what Hiaasen and the others have done for Florida.” —Sheldon McArthur, North by Northwest Books, on Beach Slapped “A non-stop laugh you cannot put down.” —Sheldon McArthur, North by Northwest Books, on The Beach is Back

After facing a rain of bouncing boulders the size of Volkswagens, an exploding whale forty years in the making, and the worst latte in the history of the world, Jackson Poe no longer believes in coincidence. Someone wants him dead. Taking a break from his free— far more often than he’d like —lance writing career, Poe finds himself on assignment to the Surfland, Oregon, tourism bureau, where the director seems to do everything possible to kill Poe and business. So Poe teams up with a tchotchke-loving cyber geek, a barista with a wicked fastball and a narcoleptic dog in a race against time and escalating explosives as Poe fights to save his town, the coffee shop he loves, and his own skin. The BEACH is BACK, and so is America’s wettest, weirdest town, as a rain of mystery and hilarity falls once more. “Oregon’s answer to Carl Hiaasen and Dave Barry.” —Sheldon McArthur, North by Northwest Books “A non-stop laugh you cannot put down.” —Sheldon McArthur, North by Northwest Books, on The Beach is Back

Drawing on her experience in addictions treatment, and many personal stories of recovery, Dr. Vera Tarman offers practical advice for people struggling with problems of overeating, binge eating, anorexia, and bulimia. Food Junkies, now in its second edition, is a friendly and informative guide on the road to food serenity.

A fact-filled guide to coping with compulsive overeating problems by an experienced addictions doctor who draws on many patients’ stories of recovery. Overeating, binge eating, obesity, anorexia, and bulimia: Food Junkies tackles the complex, poorly understood issue of food addiction from the perspectives of a medical researcher and dozens of survivors. What exactly is food addiction? Is it possible to draw a hard line between indulging cravings for “comfort food” and engaging in substance abuse? For people struggling with food addictions, recognizing their condition — to say nothing of gaining support and advice — remains a frustrating battle. Built around the experiences of people suffering and recovering from food addictions, Food Junkies offers practical information grounded in medical science, while putting a face to the problems of food addiction. It is meant to be a knowledgeable and friendly guide on the road to food serenity.