Be A Dick

My name is Marc. And I am a Dick. I'm a Dick to all of my friends. And to my family. I'm a Dick to people I know. And to people I don't know. In fact, if we were to bump into each other someday, whether it be online or in real life, I would probably be a Dick to you, too. It's nothing personal. It's just who I am. And who I believe we all should be. Be a Dick: How One Person Can Change the World in the Most Unexpected Way is the true story of one's journey to live a life that matters and the surprising path it takes along the way. If you don't already consider yourself a Dick, you'll definitely want to be one by the time you finish reading this book!

On the one hand, nobody wants to be a dick. On the other hand, dicks are everywhere! They cut in line, talk behind our backs, recline into our seats, and even have the power to morph into trolls online. Their powers are impressive, but with a little foresight and thoughtfulness, we can take a stand against dickishness today. How Not to Be a Dick is packed with honest and straightforward advice, but it also includes playful illustrations showing two well-meaning (but not always well behaved) young people as they confront moments of potential dickishness in their everyday lives. Sometimes they falter, sometimes they triumph, but they always seek to find a better way. And with their help, you can too. Just see the agreement at the beginning of the book: I pledge to use the tools and techniques provided in this book to help make the world a less dickish place. "Doherty fires absurd twenty-first-century zingers that happen to be really, really, really funny."—starred, Booklist

The single book therapists everywhere will recommend to all of their patients, because at some point or another, we all behave like dicks. Why this book? Because you might be a dick: a mean-spirited, self-focused individual who thinks and acts as though everyone else in the world can only be understood—and whose only importance is defined—in terms of their relationship to you. Being a dick might feel powerful in the short term, but it is not helping you in the long term because this flawed character trait is exactly what’s keeping you from attaining what you may want most: personal fulfillment, satisfying work, a loving committed relationship, and lifelong friendships. Anyone, at any time, can be a dick. Yet Don’t Be a Dick is especially for people who have noticed how their own behavior tends to backfire, leaving them feeling isolated and unsure why their seemingly justified actions consistently yield such poor results. If you’re constantly using the refrain, It’s not me, it’s them whenever something goes wrong, Mark Borg is here to tell you that it is, in fact, you. The good news is there is something you can do to reverse these behaviors and live a happier, more fulfilling life.

On October 1, 2015, Chris Mercer killed 9 people on a college campus in Roseburg, Oregon. About 6 months before the shooting, Chris wrote this book, which he was planning to publish on Kindle. Chris was very much a loner. He trusted me, his friend and weed connection, with a copy of his book. The book you are holding is a unique glimpse into the mind of a Lone Wolf. My name is Frank, or "Skunk" to my friends. I grow and sell weed in my hometown of Roseburg, Oregon. I met Chris Mercer in July, 2014. We had a lot in common: we both loved to smoke weed, we were both "fanatical" atheists, which means we detest and despise any idiot faction of religion. We became fast friends, meeting about once a month at the banks of the beautiful Umpqua river, to smoke dope, tell stories, and laugh about shit. At one point Chris told me that he had written a book about getting rich and scoring with chicks! I was surprised, because Chris was far from being rich, as he lived with his Mom in an apartment. Hell, I was rich compared to him. Also, while I had my steady girlfriend, Chris never acted like a pussy hound. He didn't act gay either, he struck me as a guy who doesn't think about sex that much at all. Chris offered me a digital copy of his book, and I promised him I'd read it, and give him my honest opinion. The book was a trip into the bizarre. The strangest part about it was the cruel way he ridiculed the readers of his book! I asked him why he did that, and he said he was just being funny, and that cruel humor is what's most popular today. After I read his book, and remembered the strange way he talked about it, like he was on crystal meth or something, so wild-eyed, so manic in his fanatical feelings towards people he didn't like, I decided to back up a bit, and avoid seeing him, at least for a while. My reasoning was that all his talk about killing people, or what he calls a "significant reduction in global population", was not my bag. I'm a dedicated stoner, and stoners are happy thinking pleasant thoughts, not destructive and dangerous ideas. So, whenever he'd call or text, I'd say I'm busy, or I'm waiting to meet someone. Fast forward to October 2, 2015. My whole town is in panic. The news is talking about a mass murderer on the umpqua community college campus. And when they showed Chris' picture, and said his name, I almost shit my pants. I was so stoned, that I became paranoid. I thought the FBI might come and ask me questions, even though I had zero knowledge of any of this killing shit. My fear overwhelmed me, and I threw away about 20 immature pot plants I was growing in my home. :( After all the chaos died down, and I realized there would be no FBI investigation, my life began to return to normal. One day I remembered that I had the digital manuscript Chris gave me to review for him. To be clear, I do not condone or approve the massacre at the college. It was horrible. That said, I still consider Chris Mercer to be a friend, albeit a friend with mental issues. I can't help but feel a little guilty. The way we used to talk, about hating niggers, hating Jesus-Freaks, maybe that loose talk motivated him? And when I stopped meeting with him, and stopped selling him weed...maybe I should have given him even more weed? To calm him down? If I could go back in time, I'd get him so stoned that he'd forget all about hating anyone, and just sit back and enjoy life. I am publishing this book to honor my friend Chris. A second reason is this: if you are going through a rough patch in your life, and you see a similar style of crazy thoughts in you, PLEASE smoke as much weed as you can, until you chill out. The rest of the world will thank you.

In the beginning, everything was fine.* And then along came Zeus. *more or less Ahh Greek myths. Those glorious tales of heroism, honour and... petty squabbles, soap-opera drama and more weird sex than Fifty Shades of Grey could shake a stick at! It's about time we stopped respecting myths and started laughing at them. Did you know Aphrodite, goddess of love and beauty, was born of some discarded genitals? Or that Hera threw her own son off a mountain because he was ugly? Or that Apollo once kidnapped a boat full of people while pretending to be a dolphin? And let's not even get started on Zeus - king of the gods, ruler of the skies and a man who's never heard of self-control. In fact, if there's one thing most Greek myths have in common, it's that all the drama could have been avoided if SOMEONE could keep it in their toga... Horrible Histories writer Susie Donkin takes us on a hilarious romp through mythology and the many times the gods (literally) screwed everything up! Stephen Fry's Mythos by way of Drunk History, Zeus is a Dick is perfect for those who like their myths with a heavy dollop of satire. 'Who knew mythology was so bonkers? I am grateful - it had me laughing from the first page to the last.' - Miranda Hart 'It's about time someone called him out on all this' - Hera, goddess of marriage, wife of Zeus 'Worst. Father. Ever.' - Artemis, goddess of the hunt, daughter of Zeus 'Oh yeah, focus on him. I never did anything wrong. Nothing to see here' - Poseidon, god of the seas, brother of Zeus 'Just a real dick, honestly' - Many, many people

Stuart Heritage got where he is today by being decent, thoughtful, hardworking and kind. He is, in short, a model citizen. The favourite son. His younger brother Pete is quick-tempered, peevish and aggressively pig-headed and, for a while, known to his friends as 'Shagger'. But now, Stu has returned to his hometown to discover that Pete has taken his place. Don't Be A Dick, Pete is a hilarious examination of home and family; sons, fathers, fatherhood, sibling relationships and how hard it is to move on in a system that's loaded with several decades of preconceived ideas about you.

Don't Be A Dick! is a satirical new take on children's picture books with a message this world desperately needs. Written by comedian/podcast host Razzle Dangerously not just for new parents, but also high school students, college graduates, and even your black sheep of an uncle. Don't Be A Dick! brings a breath of fresh air, humor, and good morals to the coffee table, dorm room, and even your children's bedtime. "This is a deceptively thorough guide on not being a dick, yet simple enough for even dicks to understand. No more excuses. Stop being dicks, dicks." Andy McDonald - Editor, Huffington Post Comedy "VERY readable." Mac Faulkner - Senior Editor, theCHIVE ""From page to page, wise words for any age." Matt Fowler - Writer, IGN.com

From the highly entertaining and global online phenomenon, Brother, comes a perfect how-to for millennial men everywhere.