Becoming An Ex

The experience of becoming an ex is common to most people in modern society. Unlike individuals in earlier cultures who usually spent their entire lives in one marriage, one career, one religion, one geographic locality, people living in today's world tend to move in and out of many roles in the course of a lifetime. During the past decade there has been persistent interest in these "passages" or "turning points," but very little research has dealt with what it means to leave behind a major role or incorporate it into a new identity. Helen Rose Fuchs Ebaugh's pathbreaking inquiry into the phenomenon of becoming an ex reveals the profundity of this basic aspect of establishing an identity in contemporary life. Ebaugh is herself an ex, having left the life of a Catholic nun to become a wife, mother, and professor of sociology. Drawing on interviews with 185 people, Ebaugh explores a wide range of role changes, including ex-convicts, ex-alcoholics, divorced people, mothers without custody of their children, ex-doctors, ex-cops, retirees, ex-nuns, and—perhaps most dramatically—transsexuals. As this diverse sample reveals, Ebaugh focuses on voluntary exits from significant roles. What emerges are common stages of the role exit process—from disillusionment with a particular identity, to searching for alternative roles, to turning points that trigger a final decision to exit, and finally to the creation of an identify as an ex. Becoming an Ex is a challenging and influential study that will be of great interest to sociologists, mental health counselors, members of self-help groups such as Alcoholics Anonymous and Parents Without Partners, those in corporate settings where turnover has widespread implications for the organization, and for anyone struggling through a role exit who is trying to establish a new sense of self.

Despite broad scholarship documenting the compounding effects and self-reproducing character of incarceration, ways of conceptualising imprisonment and the post-prison experience have scarcely changed in over a century. Contemporary correctional thinking has congealed around notions of risk and management. This book aims to cast new light on men’s experience of release from prison. Drawing on research conducted in Australia, it speaks to the challenges facing people leaving prison and seeking acceptance amongst the non-imprisoned around the world. Johns reveals the complexity of the post-prison experience, which is frequently masked by constructions of risk that individualise responsibility for reoffending and reimprisonment. This book highlights the important role of community in ex-prisoner integration, in providing opportunities for participation and acceptance. Johns shows that the process of becoming an ‘ex’-prisoner is not simply one of individual choice or larger structural forces, but occurs in the spaces in between. Being and Becoming an Ex-Prisoner reveals the complex interplay between internal and external meanings and practices that causes men to feel neither locked up, nor wholly free. It will appeal to scholars and students interested in desistance, criminology, criminological or penological theory, sociology and qualitative research methods.

"Makes an excellent case for Parrott as an unjustly forgotten historical figure."--The New Yorker "Remind[s] us of the brazenly talented women sidelined by convention."--New York Times The riveting biography of Ursula Parrott--best-selling author, Hollywood screenwriter, and voice for the modern woman. Credited with popularizing the label "ex-wife" in 1929, Ursula Parrott wrote provocatively about divorcées, career women, single mothers, work-life balance, and a host of new challenges facing modern women. Her best sellers, Hollywood film deals, marriages and divorces, and run-ins with the law made her a household name. Part biography, part cultural history, Becoming the Ex-Wife establishes Parrott's rightful place in twentieth-century American culture, uncovering her neglected work and keen insights into American women's lives during a period of immense social change. Although she was frequently dismissed as a "woman's writer," reading Parrott's writing today makes it clear that she was a trenchant philosopher of modernity--her work was prescient, anticipating issues not widely raised until decades after her decline into obscurity. With elegant wit and a deft command of the archive, Marsha Gordon tells a timely story about the life of a woman on the front lines of a culture war that is still raging today.

If you are divorced, or are contemplating divorce, you’ve probably heard the diatribe: Divorce is messy. Divorce is a tragedy. Divorce will scar your children for life. Befriending Your Ex challenges many of these destructive myths about divorce, and sets out to change the way we think about the process of divorce and its ultimate outcome. While divorce certainly can have negative effects upon children, when they occur, these effects are likely to result from a hostile and combative relationship between ex-spouses. This uplifting book reminds the reader that all divorces need not follow this unhappy script, and that ex-spouses can collaboratively co-parent and be a source of support, not only to their children, but to one another as well. Author Judy Rabinor’s ability to write as both a divorcee and a psychologist gives her a unique perspective on the subject, and in the book she artfully and thoughtfully combines research, clinical practice, and the everyday reality faced by a divorced parent. As a guide for parents, this book is filled with practical exercises, suggestions and strategies for coping with anger, grief, and loss, as well as the myriad of day to day issues involved in co-parenting after divorce. Story after story—including Judy’s own story—reminds the reader that once the emotional tsunami of divorce settles back down, exes can be connected and supportive to one another as they share a major joy: loving and raising children and grandchildren, enjoying the family they have created, and creating a new family unit to evolve in the wake of divorce.

The author presents a humorous look at her obsession with the Internet and her cellular phone, arguing that her dependence is a sign of how social media has made it difficult for her and her peers to have meaningful connections to others.

Narcissistic abuse is a form of abuse that ensures victims are left emotionally drained, mentally exhausted, and devoid of any self-worth or self-esteem. I was a victim of a malignant narcissist for seven years of my life, and I know just how crushing it is to live such an abusive and suppressed life. The helplessness and detachment from reality that comes with narcissistic abuse are enough to keep you in the tight grip of the abuser for as long as they choose. However, I eventually found the courage to leave my abuser, but it didn't end there. As you may know, ending a relationship with a narcissist isn't that easy - even if it was the narc who did the breaking up. They don't just 'let you go' - they try to make sure you'll go through hell before you get one over on them. In this book, I want to offer you some guidance on this rarely-talked about aspect of an abusive relationship: how to deal with a narcissist when they're your ex. The chapter list is as follows: Why you shouldn't go back and why you need to move on Why you need to go 'no contact' and ways you can do this How to stop missing your abuser Understanding and dealing with 'hoovering' after a break-up Narcissistic stalking How to deal with 'flying monkeys' Survivor stories from two former narcissistic abuse victims Throughout the book, I also offer some of my own story too, in the hopes that this offers you a sense of familiarity. You'll likely find that thing things I went through are very similar to your own experiences, and the purpose of this book is to get you to the point where I'm currently at: healed and thriving.

"Hell no. It’s over. I am done." Saying it to him felt so damned good. God knows he deserved it. Still deserves it. So why is it that only a few weeks later, I doubt if I can stand by what I said? X That Ex is the long-awaited answer for women who have left a bad relationship and don’t want to go back. It is incredibly common for women to leave partners who are emotionally unavailable, disrespectful, immature, selfish or even abusive, but then struggle to stay away. Women might be tripped up by their exes’ schemes to get them back, their own self-sabotaging ways or even by our society, which seems to glorify a "just give him one more chance" philosophy. To their family and friends’ dismay, huge numbers of women go back to toxic relationships, wasting years and the possibility of happier lives on men who can’t give them what they deserve. If the post-breakup world for most people were logical, fair, regulated and well-defined, there would be no need for X That Ex. As most of us know, however, the time after a breakup is emotionally messy, sometimes chaotic and filled with conflicting feelings, motivations, hopes, temptations and realities that must be dealt with. X That Ex focuses on this confusing time, demystifying why it is so difficult to stay away from a problematic ex, and distinguishing itself by making personalized predictions for readers about what to expect from their exes and themselves in the tumultuous time right after a relationship ends. This book is a unique roadmap that guides readers through the sometimes perilous time when a woman’s ex might try time-tested tactics to tempt her back, when self-sabotage may make a woman her own worst enemy, and when even our culture gets in on the action by making reunification seem reasonable.

Severing a cherished relationship is one of the most painful experiences in life—and cutting those emotional ties to a loved one can feel almost like ending an addiction. Up till now, people recovering from other problems were able to get real help—like AA and rehab—while those struggling in the aftermath of traumatic breaks dealt with platitudes and friends insisting they should "get over it already." But now Exaholics Anonymous treats getting over an ex like kicking a chemical habit. Written by counselor and therapist Dr. Lisa Bobby, Exaholics offers meaningful support and advice to anyone trapped in the obsessive pain of a broken, or dying, attachment. She helps the brokenhearted heal, showing them, on a deep level, how to develop a conceptual framework for their experience, understand the emotional processes at work inside themselves, find the path to recovery, and free themselves of shame, injured ego, and remorse. In-depth case studies of others' journeys will illuminate the way to future happiness.