Child Loss Bereavement And Hope A Muslim Mother S Perspective

Dear Reader, I know exactly how you are feeling. People will tell you, to have sabr and trust in Allah's plan. People will expect you to behave in a certain way. I have written this child loss book for you and me. We are parents who have lost a piece of our heart. No one else can understand what we are going through. There are many self-help books for parents and child loss stories, however, very few are written from an Islamic perspective. I am here to tell you that there is hope, there is a way to find peace and solace, and that way is through the healing words of Allah and the comforting words of our beloved Prophet Muhammad (saw). Inshallah, both the Quran and Sunnah are a balm that will soothe your heart. Together they have helped me carry on when I thought my sorrow would consume me. Inshallah, my sincere dua is that this book provides you with comfort and the strength to carry on. Love and duas Farhat Amin Losing a baby or child, whether through miscarriage or illness, leaves so many parents lost in grief and full of unanswered questions. Farhat Amin personally experienced a miscarriage and faced the loss of her teenage son. She has written this self-help book, which thoughtfully describes her experiences and how she found a way to live and learn from her bereavement. Some of the proceeds from the sale of this book will be donated to charity.

The loss of a child is probably the most painful experience a parent can go through. It is at such times of deep sorrow and grief that people often turn to their faith. This book has been written to address this need from the Islamic perspective using quotes from the Quran and Ahadith.

But now that he is Dead, Why should I fast? Can I bring him back again? I will go to him but he will not return to me (2 Samuel 12:23) Almost 200,000 couples in America each year suffer through the tragedy of miscarriage. And that statistic only tells us about first trimester miscarriages. The emotional pain of longer-term miscarriages, and the untold numbers of mothers and fathers who keep silent about their hurt, make this form of child loss especially cruel. But in Silent Grief, author Clara Hinton brings a clear message of hope through the cold mourning. Writing of her own grief, and interviewing scores of women and men, she offers not pat answers, but instead show us this: You are not alone. Additionally, the author touches the tears of other forms of child loss: stillbirth, missing children, and adult children who succumb to accident or illness. The moving, honest responses to these interviews tells the reader that through the tears and rage and awful silence, God still loves us and knows our children intimately. King David knew this. He knew that one day he would reunited with his child.

“Nobody can live forever. Allah (SWT) created us and gives us life, and Allah will decide when to end our lives and take us back to Him (2:156). Naturally, we might fear the time when loved ones will pass away, and we also might worry about when our own time will come. But our faith tells us about death and teaches us what we must do to prepare for the hereafter. In this book, we teach two key lessons. In the first story, “Life Goes On,” Amira’s parents explain that they can’t and won’t always be with her, but that Allah (SWT) always is and will always continue to take care of her. Not only that, a person’s life doesn’t stop with death; rather, it is a transition from one world to another. Therefore, while it’s expected to miss the one who passed away, we should take solace in the fact that, “The hereafter is better and more lasting” (87:17). The second story is about preparing ourselves for the hereafter. Our belief in Qiyamah, the Day of Judgement, fundamentally changes how we live our lives. We didn’t come into this world simply to go to school, get a job, have a family, and then die. Allah (SWT) tells us that He created death and life as a test to see who is the best in deeds (67:2). We must try to perform the best of deeds such that we become good human beings in the eyes of God, before our time on earth is up. Good deeds are like bricks, which we can use to build our house in paradise, our ultimate destination, insha’Allah. The second story, “A Home in the Hereafter,” conveys this lesson through Haroon Uncle’s example, as he role models what it means to live a life for the next.”—Provided by publisher.

This book is a mothers’ book—not that it can’t be read by fathers as well—the outgrowth of a mothers’ study group which met in Kuwait before the Gulf War, focused on rearing children in an Islamic way. The mothers were mostly American and British converts to Islam, although in cosmopolitan Kuwaitthere were women from many other backgrounds. The group was an offshoot of meetings for English-speaking Muslim women, held weekly in the home of Sister Zainab Ashry in Kuwait for more than ten years prior to the Gulf War. From their knowledge of Islam, the women involved wanted to study the implications of their faith on their child-rearing practices. The first step was to collect information—any Qur’anic verse or hadith—that a participant found relevant. Other information was collected from such knowledgeable people and books as were available. Monthly discussions were organized on different topics. Since the war, some of the participating sisters have returned to Kuwait, but many of our group are now scattered all over the world. All the notes and papers collected by the study group were in my home in Kuwait when the invasion occurred; fortunately my husband was able to salvage them and bringthem here to our new home in the States. I felt an obligation to compile this collected information to share with other Muslims, especially converts like myself. My deepest thanks must go to my husband, whose support and cooperation gave me the means to carry out this task. This book begins with the birth of a child to Muslim parents, and the traditional Islamic response to the birth, following the example of Prophet Muhammad (S). Very few specific actions are defined, and these mostly relate to practices at the time of birth. All of these fall into the category of sunnah (following the Prophet’s example or what he approved of in others), and though highly recommended, they are not fard (obligatory) actions. Aside from these few simple practices carried out when a baby comes into the world, Islam has no ceremonies devoted exclusively to children—no first communion, no coming-of-age celebrations. Children are not segregated into a special world separate from that of adults; they are members of families in the great, embracing cycle of human life. The family supports them when they are young; they support the family in their productive years, and in old age they are again supported by the family. They grow and develop gradually in a system that encourages growth and learning, but places little emphasis on milestones and anniversaries. A large portion of this book is given to defining relationships from the Qur’an and hadith. To understand the significance of the child in Muslim society, it is necessary to recognize the total number and value of his or her relationships within it, which are different from the relationships defined by other societies. Chapter 1 includes some of the traditions of the Prophet Muhammad that apply to the newborn. Chapter 2 describes the nature of the child’s relationship with Allah and the spiritual world, with some suggestions for encouraging spiritual awareness. Chapter 3 contains Qur’anic verses and ahadith relevant to the child’s relationship with his or her parents. In light of these definitions, and with reference to the Islamic teachings concerning morals, manners, and the purpose of life, an attempt is made in chapters 4, 5, and 6 to present an organized structure dealing with the practical how-to of rearing a child in an Islamic way, from a parent’s viewpoint. Chapters Introduction ix 7 and 8 progressively broaden out the child’s world by adding brothers and sisters, extended family, and community relationships. The practical suggestions for improving relationships among adult family members, in order to pave the way for improving the child’s relations with his or her extended family, are an important aspect of chapter 8. The only relationship which really changes for the child as he or she grows up is that of accountability to Allah, since no child is accountable for his or her actions before reaching the age of understanding. All other relationships develop and deepen as the child grows but remain basically the same, for the general commands to honor parents, show respect to elders, be gentle with younger ones, and honor family ties continue for a Muslim throughout his or her life. I pray to Allah that this book may bring only good to mothers and their children, and that He protect them from any mistakes or misunderstandings. I have done my best to prepare the material contained within it in a suitable manner and hope to see other literature published on this important subject, expanding and enriching it. While I alone am responsible for the contents, I am deeply indebted to the many sisters who helped collect references and discussed the practical implications of our findings. I have no list to prompt me and consequently may have unwittingly forgotten some names, but I well remember Terry, Lianna, Salma, Noura, Mia, Khadijah, Sandra, Hicleir, Debbie, Sara, Maryam, Aneesah, Dianne, Karen, Kauthar and Nawal from Kuwait, all of us working together on this project. My friend Daaiyah Saleem in Ohio has also been very helpful, offering many suggestions for improvement and clarification as she aided in proofreading. My sister-in-law Ghada, of course, has helped along the way. In the course of preparing this book for publication, sister Zeba Siddiqui was chosen by the publisher to edit the text. I have known Zeba, a mother of four and a grandmother, and author of several excellent childrens’ books as well as the THE CHILD IN ISLAM Parent’s Manual: A Guide for Muslim Parents Living in North America, for several years. When I heard she had taken on this task, I asked her to add anything she felt was missing, from her years of experience and knowledge of the subject. She has supplied all of the hadith reference numbers in the text, in itself an enormous task. In addition to editing, she has filled out and amplified several topics, checking and adding material where needed. The sections on the Hereafter, tahara, respect for religion, and hospitality are prepared and written by her. It was only fair therefore that her name should appear on the title page of this book in recognition of her valuable contribution. I am deeply grateful to her for her help and input. I also need to thank my children, who suffered through my learning experience and projects for self-improvement in parenting skills, and my mother, whose life-long interest in the growth and development of children helped me understand the importance of the matter and the need for a book such as this. A final note, to the book’s non-Muslim readers: I have chosen to use the word Allah throughout the book instead of the word God. The words are interchangeable in English for Muslims, but all of the women involved in this project have the habit, indeed, they have the love of referring to God, the God of Abraham, Moses, Jesus, and Muhammad, by His Arabic name, Allah.

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Cynthia's ability to offer and share with the reader insight into her own personal story, her internal struggles and emotions while at the same time providing perspective, knowledge and resources on this painful topic is certainly unique. I would strongly recommend communal rabbis to read this book and to have it available to share with their congregants if ever needed. Rabbi Daniel Rabin, Rabbi South Caulfield Hebrew Congregation This is an incredibly powerful resource for parents dealing with the unthinkable loss of their child, as well as anyone supporting others dealing with loss. Rabbi Allison Conyer, Etz Chayim Progressive Synagogue It is rare to find a book written by a bereaved parent that covers the theoretical principles of grief, whilst maintaining the warmth and integrity of the writer's personal story within the context of the Jewish religion. I would happily give the book to my clients to read. Karen Ludski, Grief Counsellor Cynthia has used her skills and motivation to bring the wisdom garnered from this group context, along with the experience of her own painful loss, to bear in this new book which addresses many of the common fears and issues confronted by bereaved parents. What makes this book remarkable is that it directly addresses the virtual absence of books and literature which speak directly to the bereaved Jewish parent. Christopher Hall, CEO, Australian Centre for Grief and Bereavement An engaging, informative and touching book. Up-to-date and very accessible in style of writing and short chapters with itemised sub-sections. Great to read about and get a sense of Danny, too. Andrew McNess, CEO, The Compassionate Friends of Victoria

Losing a child is the biggest fear of any parent. But The Beauty of a Grieving Mother is NOT about fear. In this anthology, ten broken-hearted mothers step ahead of their fears and share their life stories about love, courage, hope, and survival after the loss of their child. These mothers have different lifestyles and backgrounds. Their children left in different ways and at different ages. These women grieve differently. But what they share is the deepest feeling of love for their beautiful children and a strong desire to continue their legacies. When you grieve the loss of a child you develop a brand new feeling where pain and joy coexist. They intermingle. They become inseparable. The beauty of that unique feeling is that the ugly pain makes the joy profound. Your suffering makes you feel a deep gratitude. The pain of a grieving mother is beautiful, but nobody can grasp it but the grieving mother. Find strength, love, and beauty in the stories of these mothers and their children. Though the journey after the loss of a child may feel lonely, it is not one that must be traveled alone.