How To Kill Your Friends

AS the twentieth century breathes its very last, with Britpop at its zenith, twenty-seven-year-old A&R man Steven Stelfox is slashing and burning his way through London’s music industry. Blithely crisscrossing the globe in search of the next megahit—fueled by greed and inhuman quantities of cocaine—Stelfox freely indulges in an unending orgy of self-gratification. But the industry is changing fast and the hits are drying up, and the only way he’s going to salvage his sagging career is by taking the idea of “cutthroat” to murderous new levels.

If you suspected your best friend, the person you were closest to in the whole world, was a murderer, what would you do? Would you confront her? Would you help keep her secret? Or would you begin to feel afraid? Most importantly, why don't you feel safe now that she's dead? From the author of The French Girl comes a novel full of secrets, suspense, and deadly twists. Georgie, Lissa, and Bronwyn have been inseparable since dominating their college swim team; swimming has always been an escape from their own problems, but now their shared passion has turned deadly. How can it be true that Lissa, the strongest swimmer they know, drowned? Granted, there is something strange about Kanu Cove, where Lissa was last seen, swimming off the coast of the fabulous island resort she owned with her husband. Lissa’s closest friends gather at the resort to honor her life, but Georgie and Bron can’t seem to stop looking over their shoulders. Danger lurks beneath the surface of the crystal-clear water, and even their luxurious private villas can’t help them feel safe. As the weather turns ominous, trapping the funeral guests together on the island, nobody knows who they can trust. Lissa’s death was only the beginning....

Imagine the look on your neighbor's faces when they see you reading this book! If you're really looking for the top 10 ways to kill your neighbors, stop what you're doing and seek psychiatric help immediately. For the rest of you, bring some dark, humorous comedy to your day! This book is all about the reaction you get when people see it sitting on your desk or witness you actually reading it. Take it on a trip. Chill out with it on the porch. The creative possibilities of being seen with this book are endless! There is a funny little story within the book, but that's secondary to the response you'll get when people catch a glimpse of you with this. Great for a practical joke or some light hearted black humor, this prank book will surely bring a demented smile to the faces of those who share the same sick sense of humor as you. Also makes a great gag gift for friends, relatives, white elephant, all that kind of stuff! Sick fun for everyone!

One choice: run...or die. It is a time of austerity. Financial cuts are biting hard and the once great City of Liverpool finds itself now almost bankrupt. At the eleventh hour funding is found in the form of enigmatic billionaire Kirk Bovind, a religious zealot, determined to change the moral fibre and bring salvation to the streets.

Left to their own devices by their alcoholic mother, Ada and Sam cultivate an insular world into which they soon draw a third wheel—a pockmarked, limping wallflower named Dorrie. In the years spanning childhood to young adulthood, these three troubled girls learn to lean on each other completely, finding ways to fill each other up and tear each other down. But when a horrible accident upends their reality, they find they must decide whether to continue to foster their codependent cycle, or to break free, with or without each other’s aid.

THE #1 SUNDAY TIMES BESTSELLER ‘I loved this book’ RICHARD OSMAN ‘Funny, sharp, dark and twisted’ JOJO MOYES ‘Chilling, but also laugh-out-loud funny. Another corker’ SUNDAY TELEGRAPH

We all have that one friend right? You know the one I'm talking about. The one who we know we hang around with because they are in the friendship group, but we would happily ditch at the first opportunity. And sometimes, they can be so irritating and annoying, we want to kill them.This is a creative guide to the some of the best and most obscure ways to rid yourself of your most annoying friends, and perhaps just die laughing in the process!

_____________________ The long-awaited sequel to KILL YOUR FRIENDS A Guardian Book of the Year 2018 It is 2017 – the time of Trump, Brexit and fake news. And time for the return of Steven Stelfox, former A&R man who made his millions from a hit reality TV show. Now Stelfox works occasionally as a music industry ‘consultant’. A fixer. He’s had a call from his old friend James Trellick, president of one of the largest record companies in America. Trellick has a huge problem on his hands in the shape of... Lucius Du Pre. Once the biggest pop star on earth. Now he’s a helpless junkie, a prolific sexual predator, and massively in debt to Trellick’s record company. And the picture only gets bleaker when the parents of one of Du Pre’s ‘special friends’ begin blackmailing him. Enter Stelfox stage right. He’s the perfect man to find a way out of this nightmare, and to make a killing in the process. There’s no line he won’t cross. _____________________ ‘A banging action satirical thriller. But it’s also a proper novel about the Trumpian era, of the reality TV era, the fake news era. It’s managed to say a lot of things in a way that very few other novels are doing and in a very comedic way’ IRVINE WELSH 'A bruising triumph; Amis' MONEY for the Trump generation. What a monster he's created' IAN RANKIN ‘John Niven understands our era better than almost anyone’ DOUGLAS COUPLAND ‘A scabrously entertaining satire of what it is like to be rich and white in the land of the free if you are utterly depraved, “where money doesn’t just talk, or swear, it nukes”. ... There is a twisted poetry in Niven’s mastery of invective’ THE TIMES ‘Savagely, viciously witty, this frantic hymn to greed is filthy, frenetic and totally fabulous’ SUNDAY MIRROR ‘A full-throttle send up of toxic masculinity ... Niven at full tilt is always something to behold.’METRO