In The Company Of Ogres

An uproarious new novel in the tradition of Robert Asprin and Terry Pratchett! For someone who's immortal, Never Dead Ned manages to die with alarming frequency--he just has the annoying habit of rising from the grave. But this soldier might be better dead than face his latest assignment. Ogre Company is the legion's dumping ground--a motley, undisciplined group of monsters whose leaders tend to die under somewhat questionable circumstances. That's where Ned's rather unique talents come in. As Ogre Company's newly appointed commander, Ned finds himself in charge of such fine examples of military prowess as a moonstruck Amazon, a very big (and very polite) two-headed ogre, a seductively scaly siren, a blind oracle who can hear (and smell) the future, a suicidal goblin daredevil pilot, a walking tree with a chip on its shoulder, and a suspiciously goblinesque orc. Ned has only six months to whip the Ogre Company into shape or face an even more hideous assignment, but that's not the worst of his problems. Because now that Ned has found out why he keeps returning from dead, he has to do everything he can to stay alive. . . . In the Company of Ogres does for fantasy, what A. Lee Martinez's previous novel, Gil's All Fright Diner, did for horror--and elves and goblins may never be the same! At the Publisher's request, this title is being sold without Digital Rights Management Software (DRM) applied.

Bloodier than Fried Green Tomatoes! Funnier than The Texas Chainsaw Massacre! Welcome to Gil's All Night Diner, where zombie attacks are a regular occurrence and you never know what might be lurking in the freezer . . . Duke and Earl are just passing through Rockwood county in their pick-up truck when they stop at the Diner for a quick bite to eat. They aren't planning to stick around-until Loretta, the eatery's owner, offers them $100 to take care of her zombie problem. Given that Duke is a werewolf and Earl's a vampire, this looks right up their alley. But the shambling dead are just the tip of a particularly spiky iceberg. Seems someone's out to drive Loretta from the Diner, and more than willing to raise a little Hell on Earth if that's what it takes. Before Duke and Earl get to the bottom of the Diner's troubles, they'll run into such otherworldly complications as undead cattle, an amorous ghost, a jailbait sorceress, and the terrifying occult power of pig-latin. And maybe--just maybe--the End of the World, too. Gory, sexy, and flat-out hilarious, Gil's All Fright Diner will tickle your funnybone--before ripping it out of its socket! At the Publisher's request, this title is being sold without Digital Rights Management Software (DRM) applied.

Ogres are bigger than you. Ogres are stronger than you. Ogres rule the world. It’s always idyllic in the village until the landlord comes to call. Because the landlord is an Ogre. And Ogres rule the world, with their size and strength and appetites. It’s always been that way. It’s the natural order of the world. And they only eat people sometimes. But when the headman’s son, Torquell, dares lift his hand against the landlord’s son, he sets himself on a path to learn the terrible truth about the Ogres, and about the dark sciences that ensured their rule.

The author and the illustrator of THE PHANTOM TOLLBOOTH--together again This is the story of a really rotten Ogre who is extraordinarily large, exceedingly ugly, unusually angry, constantly hungry, and absolutely merciless. He terrorizes the entire countryside and all the surrounding towns, wreaking havoc, sowing confusion, and dining happily on the hapless citizens. Nothing can stop him. But then he takes a wrong turn and encounters a kind and friendly young lady who does her best to help him--with a surprising result.

When a Nymph rides a Night Mare, Ogre beware! Smash knew all about ogres. After all, despite his having a human mother, Smash was an ogre himself. Ogres were not only huge and horribly ugly, as Smash was; they were also so stupid they could hardly speak, and they spent most of their time fighting, destroying, and eating young girls. So what was he doing here with seven assorted females looking to him to guide them and save them? Even in Xanth, where magic made anything possible, why should Tandy the Nymph trust him and seem fond of him? And how could all that high-flown conversation be coming out of his mouth? But that, it seemed, was what he got for going to Good Magician Humfrey for an Answer—before he even knew what the Question was!

Two heads are better than one Three can be a real pain in the arse Everyone knows ogres can't be heroes. But Og-Grim-Dog is no ordinary ogre. Recruited by a team of eccentric dungeon crawlers, all three heads are determined to prove their worth. Will their new crewmates accept them? Will the pencil pushers at the Bureau of Dungeoneering be able to stop them? Will Gal'azu become a more tolerant society...and will Og-Grim-Dog solve the dark mystery that drew them into this new world in the first place? Reader reviews: "a marathon of craziness that will tickle your sense of humor. Loved all the gritty characters and enjoyed the fast paced action plot." "If you've ever played D&D, you'll enjoy this tale of orcs, and dwarves and ogres. There's good silliness and a serious theme." "The characters are fun and diverse. The jokes are funny and adult without being lewd or gross. The plot is fun, engaging, and well timed." "This book sets up an awesome character, some great side characters, and an interesting world filled with surprisingly similar issues that we have in our own. I wasn’t expecting to love this book, but I did." "This little book was SO MUCH FUN! There were plenty of in-jokes that, as a fantasy fan, I loved and the characters were extremely likable. The whole thing just makes me want to go on an adventure." If you're looking for something lighthearted, with some cleverness, silliness, and a little grit, start this fun, feelgood adventure today! Me Three: Book 2 Og-Grim-Dog and The Dark Lord Book 3 Og-Grim-Dog and The War of The Dead Book 4 Og-Grim-Dog: Ogre's End Game KEYWORDS: humorous fantasy, comic fantasy, fantasy comedy, sword and sorcery, epic fantasy, dungeons and dragons, wizards, elves and dwarves, free fantasy, free fantasy ebook, free humorous fantasy, free epic fantasy, free sword and sorcery, free comic fantasy, free humourous fantasy, free book, free series starter, fantasy audiobook

A tale of vengeance, true love, and cannibalism Being born undead can have its disadvantages, such as eternal youth and flawless beauty ---things most unsuitable for a witch. Hiding behind the guise of a grimy old crone, the witch is content living outside Fort Stalwart with her unlikely band of allies: a troll named Gwurm, an enchanted broom, and a demonic duck named Newt. She leads a simple life filled with spells, potions, and the occasional curse. So when a White Knight arrives at Fort Stalwart, the witch knows her days of peace are at an end. The Knight is just days in front of a horde of ravenous goblings, and Fort Stalwart lies right in the horde's path. But the goblings are just the first wave of danger, and soon the witch and the Knight must combine forces on a perilous quest to stop a mad sorcerer from destroying the world. Filled with menace, monsters, and magic, A Nameless Witch is a properly witchly read by the award-winning author of Gil's All Fright Diner and In the Company of Ogres. At the Publisher's request, this title is being sold without Digital Rights Management Software (DRM) applied.

The wizard Margle the Horrendous takes special pride in never killing his enemies. Instead, he transforms them into various accursed forms and locks them away in his castle. His halls are filled with his collection of fallen heroes and defeated villains, along with a few ordinary folk who were just unfortunate enough to draw Margle's attention. It's Nessy's duty to tend this castle. It's a lot of work, but she manages, taking pride in housekeeping talents that keep the castle from collapsing into chaos. But when Margle suddenly dies, everything begins to unravel. Nessy finds herself surrounded by monsters, curses, a door that should never be opened, and one very deadly dark wizardess. Nessy doesn't have might or magic on her side; she's just a kobold: short, furry, and sensible. Her allies aren't much better: a voice without a body, an angry fruit bat, a monster under her bed, a wizard in a jar (or some of him, anyway), and a one-eyed, one-horned, flying, purple, people eater. It would be smarter to walk away, but taking care of the castle is Nessy's job, and that's just what she intends to do. If only she could find time to polish the silver while beating back the forces of darkness. At the Publisher's request, this title is being sold without Digital Rights Management Software (DRM) applied.